Things that happen during intimate moments that make you die a little on the inside

[NoEffingWay]

I should probably name change for this but I can't be arsed to!

So, picture the scene, you've had a nice relaxing day with DP/DH and you head upstairs for a romantic moment without clothing . At a crucial moment, I farted, loudly and without warning. We're not shy about bodily functions, it happens, we are grown ups. However, I was going for sexy seductress, not giggling helplessly in an uncompromising position...Help me feel better mumsnetters!

😂 Starting my period unknowingly the first time I was having sex with a guy. We both thought it was something he did (he was mortified).

Also have had your situation...

And does getting the hiccups whilst trying to go down on someone count?

@LittleRedRidingHoody i've never had the hiccups at that moment but there's still time! That definitely counts

Oh no, op 😄

The fnny frts always mortified me tbh

An ex of mine, when we first had sex (it was when I lost my virginity, in fact), trumped with every thrust.. and only lasted about 8 thrusts anyway! Trump with each one! What an introduction to sex that was for me! And then had the absolute cheek to ask if I'd come.

EDIT: It only happened that first time - the trumping that is. The quickness was always an issue.

@mumofoneAlonebutokay I think I block those out of memory. After giving birth it was like a trumpet salute for a while . I did a LOT of pelvic floor exercises which fortunately stopped them mainly!

😄😄 it's normal but just feels awkward 🙈

Oh God @ManchesterLu what an introduction to sex eh! Not a surprise he's an ex!

My husband was going down on me and I came so hard I farted.... Straight into his long beard 😂

I was headed down on that general direction when a random sneeze hit and I snotted.
Very not sexy, haha!

@elf1985 I'd have definitely refused any post coital snogging until I was sure the waft had gone!

After some vigorous action there had clearly been some 'pumping' going on...which resulted in my walk to the bathroom (AND BACK dear reader...AND BACK!) being accompanied by a fantastic fanfare of fanny farting...marvellous. Thankfully he was so lovely he didn't laugh just asked if I was ok and was I in pain...no pain, only shame!!

@TitsInAbsentia thank you for officially killing me. I'm on the floor😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

The better the sex or foreplay, the more I toot. I absolutely hate it but obvs if it’s a choice between enjoying myself and tooting, or purposely holding back and not tooting, I’ll go for the former. But I really, really hate it. My ex and I used to laugh and then eventually we’d just act like it hadn’t happened but it always distracts me a bit. Only had it happen once since during a hook up, which says it all about the quality of hook ups I’ve had lately! They’re not even real farts even tho they’re from the back not the front but they don’t smell or feel like real farts, I think it’s just pressure.

When we were in the middle of having sex, I was also using a bullet and DH reached round to touch me and I don't know what I tried to say but "don't touch the tiger" came out. We both collapsed and burst in to fits of laughter, tried to get back in to the swing of it but everytime I replayed it in my head I just broke down laughing again.

At least you didn't fart while his face was down there 😬 which is what I once did while DH was going down on me once.

Ohhh the time I have spent clenching for my life 😅😅😅

I do enjoy the odd times when you collapse in giggles with a partner. It may destroy the mood but the world is very short on laughter, get it when you can!

I do miss this about my ex, sex was just so relaxed and fun. We could easily go from in the moment to giggling to back in the moment again. I’ve hooked up with two blokes since then and so serious! I’d giggle at something funny and they’d just be like 😐😐😐 I mean sex is funny sometimes! Lighten up!

won’t settle for anything less in future than someone I can have a laugh with

We couldn't do it standing up because he was 6ft 6 and I was 5ft5. Until on holiday we saw that there was a step in the shower. All going well until I accidentally turned on the cold tap with my bum and brought everything to a sudden halt. Still never done it standing up!.

Definitely should NC for this but sod it! Had been dating my now DH for about 6 months and were having anal for the first time together. All was good, we finished and I got up from the bed only to realise there was no loo roll in the room to assist as I waddled to the bathroom. I panicked and didn’t have time to make it across the landing to the toilet. Ended up sh*tting into my own hand in front of him.

Needless to say, I was mortified. Thankfully, he thought it was hilarious, helped me get cleaned up and has since always made sure we have the right products to hand when we’re getting down to it so we never have a repeat!

A burst stoma bag is my worst !

Fell of the bed once. I can't even remember how..it was in a hotel with really dry scratchy carpet and I had blood pouring out of my knees and serious carpet burn😅it bloody hurt!! And DP didn't see I was bleeding..he just said you okay? I said 'yeahh' (secretly whimpering in pain) and carried on with the sex🤣🤣

We were DTD and that test emergency alarm went off...

Didn't know whether to carry on or laugh or what.

Whenever that emergency alarm is mentioned now we both give a look.

So similar to @gillefc82, first time anal, finished the deed and laid back, only to pass a small poo on the sheets. My boyfriend was very good about clearing up. I was mortified!

Another bloke, DTD for the first time: I was giving him a blow job and he farted. He apologised profusely as he had a dairy intolerance and we had eaten some cheese but 🤢

Lock jaw when giving a BJ 😅

Cramp and him mistaking my moan of agony for passion at first.