Feelings About Being or Becoming a Grandma?

[RabbitsRock]

DD16 is adamant she doesn’t want children (of course she’s very young & could change her mind) but it made me think. I would love to be a Grandma & was lucky enough to be very close to my Grandparents, particularly my maternal ones. Guess the next best thing would be becoming a Great Auntie if my niece & nephews have children.

I didn't want children up to 30, then biology kicks in. Don't despair and DO NOT pressure her or try to guilt her.

I also knew from a quite young age I never wanted children. I never changed my mind and I don't regret it. I am middle aged now.

OP, you really like children you could do things like volunteer at a local school if you don't work full-time.

I have three teenage DC and I am looking forward to being a grandma! I would never say so or put any pressure on them to have kids as it's completely their decision, but I secretly hope that at least one of them does. I don't have any nieces or nephews so I won't be a great aunt.

I didn't want children either, was quite adamant about it. Then I met now DH and had DS at 36🤭 at 16 I was exactly the same. As pp said, biology hits hard😅

Same as @ZenNudist I hit 30 and wham something took over my brain! Thankfully, I have sons so I will be a Grandparent but probably not as involved as if I had daughters.

I have already informed my DS’s I will be travelling and likely not be around for regular childcare other than fun holiday times when I will make myself available. I don’t mind taking GC away on holidays and days out but I am not good at the day to day things.

Both have chosen careers whereby shifts will be needed and before they committed I explained the difficulties their chosen careers will have on their ability to cover childcare in the future.

Got to let them live their own lives.

Personally, I would not choose to have children in this world now but when I was a teenager this is what people my age now said too. Life is funny like that.

@Bepanthensavedmybumbum we are more involved in my ds’s dc life than the maternal grandmother. Our dil is v. chill and dgc spend 3 weeks every summer with us.

I couldn’t believe my feelings when dgc arrived, I’ve never felt love like it.
I have three dgc now and they are the most beautiful humans in the world to me.
We’ve never put pressure on the dc for dgc. Ds was mid twenties, dd early thirties.

I have 3 DC so I suppose there's a good chance I'll be a grandma one day. But a decade of lone parenting has exhausted me and I'm looking forward to travelling and a quiet house in a few years. The thought of any more expectations on me is quite upsetting. I really hope I get a decent gap at least, and then I'd have to think carefully about how much I'd want to help. But still, how amazing to see your baby have a baby. It would be very special.

I won't have gc and I'm absolutely fine with that. Not interested in being a grandparent at all.
Dh has a couple, and I'm a fun AuntieMarys to them. We don't do childcare though

Mine says the same. She wants to achieve things and so far child bearing isn’t on the list. I just want her to live the life she wants, whatever that looks like, without any pressure from me- only support with her choices and help if she needs it. I also have plans to move and travel when she leaves home so am unlikely to be much of a grandparent anyway! Unless she’s an older mum, and then I would be a properly old granny.

I don’t mind. I’ve loved having her but I don’t see her as a provider of anything to me, be that GK or care- it’s her life and I just want her to be content in it.

The only thing that matters is that you never put pressure on your child to make you a grandparent. It is entirely her choice. There is nothing worse than a mother who thinks it's her right to have grandchildren and constantly bangs on about it!

@Doloresparton both my DH’s parents were dead when we met so my DC have only known my parents as Grandparents. I am hoping for good relations but after reading so many negative threads on MN about MIL’s I am preparing to be kept at arms length should they get married.

Happy to be a Grandparent and do fun stuff obviously will change nappies and care for them when they are with me but no regular commitments that mean I can’t just travel when I want to. Holidays, days out they can stay with me abroad (and go to holiday club as my children did).

No pressure to have kids from me but they’ve both said they want children.

My ds16 is adamant he doesn't want children. Fair enough. I didn't until my late 30s.I was too busy having fun.

There are plenty of other children in this world who need a pseudo-gran, and mums who need a bit of support. Whatever time I have spare after he has left home won't go to waste.😊

I was redundant for a few weeks last autumn and helped out with the local youth club. I found myself making endless soup and chunky bread, or bacon sandwiches for the kids on the local estate who are on their own until their parents got home after 6. There's no shortage of things to do.

We are highly unlikely to have gc despite having 3 AC ( one is SEN). That's fine with us and I love the freedom of being able to travel / go on outings and day trips. There's enough threads here berating the lack of childcare from gp that I think it would be easy to be guilt tripped into providing care, plus you'd not want to see your AC struggle.

I think my own nurturing hormones went during menopause - even a pet would not kick it back into being 😁

And seriously- I feel bad enough that my own children have to face and live with climate change and all the challenges going on, I truly feel relieved there is not another generation to worry about

I assumed that I wouldn’t have children, partly because my younger sister had always planned on at least a couple. On reaching my late thirties it became apparent said sister was unlikely (for health reasons) to have any do I decided to become a single parent by choice. My daughter was born when I was 42 and is very much a “family baby” as my parents and sister/bil all live nearby.
i can’t tell you how much I valued that my parents never ever pressured or discussed it with me.
Their retirement has not turned out quite as expected (I didn’t tell them I was having IVf as I wasn’t expecting it to work, after being quoted a 3% chance by a respected clinic) but hopefully everyone is happy.
life has a habit of turning out unexpectedly.

I guess when you have 1 DC there’s every chance you might not be a grandma. My eldest (31) is never having kids. He is gay, so that would obviously make it more difficult, but he also dislikes young children.

I think him seeing how hard it was when I had DS2 and DD when he was 11 and 14 made him realise it’s hard work. DS2 is 20 and I think he’s my best bet for grandchildren in the future, and he has a partner of 2yrs. I do hope he waits min of 5yrs and gets established in his career first.

DD i’m not sure as she has never said either way; but if I had to say either way I’d say not. At 48 I am in no rush for any grandchildren, still doing the school run after 27yrs so I’d love some time where I can put myself first.

I would never pressure DD.

I'm not interested in being a grandma at all. My dc are in their 20s , and don't believe me when I say this. Neither does my DH. Which is really annoying.

This.

I love being a grandparent. We do a lot of childcare so we see the children a lot. They are wonderful. I love them to bits.

Why would you tell them this?

We chat about everything. Why wouldn't I?

My dd was 38 before she had her first. I absolutely love my Gdcs but the only thing that would really have bothered me, TBH, would have been if she’d wanted babies, and been unable to have them. I’d have found that very hard.

I can’t echo enough pps who say please don’t pressure or guilt her, especially not when she’s still so young! TBH babies are about the last thing she should be thinking about at 16!

A dd had a friend whose mother was endlessly wailing that at this rate she’d never have any grandchildren, etc. - it went on well into her 30s. It wasn’t that she didn’t want children - she just hadn’t found the right man to have them with, so her DM’s wailings were particularly upsetting.
(She did eventually find him, and had 2 little ones.)

Because, if they do have dc, you’ve already damaged that relationship. Some things are best kept to yourself. Nobody wants to think that their own mum doesn’t want their dc in their lives.

Nah, we're good thanks😊

Still sounds a bit cold .