Am I weird or normal?

[JaneFondue]

I met 2 old friends today. They told me they insist on their husbands accompanying them to every medical appointment. Neither seriously ill. Just routine appointments.

My husband doesn't accompany me to routine appointments and vice versa.
They thought this was seriously uncaring and callous.

Who is right?

Totally agree!
Food shopping is a solo activity, preferably wearing earphones catching up on a podcast or two.

Definately not and wouldn't even think to. Maybe if it was something serious then ok. Why clog up waiting rooms with partners for routine appointments?

I've been to A&E when there have been huge families together treating it like a day out and sitting in the seats so that people who actually need a seat have to stand.

Obviously if the appointment is to do with something serious then your partner should ask if you want him to go with you. I think most people would want somebody in that situation as long as they didn't make it all about them.

No, my DH went to a few pregnancy appointments (more for the 1st baby) -- and the births. That's about it.

Generally I think we're both busy and I'm a grown up so why would he waste his time coming to listen about something boring like low iron? However, I realise some people aren't very clued up about medicine/ health and might need an additional person to understand what the doctor is saying. It's definitely not related to level of concern or care.

Although I don't have a partner, I have very close loved ones. No one, no one at all, comes in with me to a doctor's appointment.

Even when, on three occasions, the appointment was to have a cancer/not cancer diagnosis. Unlucky all three times.

The reason why I don't want anyone I love in there, is at that split second, when I got the diagnosis, I needed to think about me, evaluate my feelings, not someone elses. A minute or so later, when my adult child was called in, I could handle their emotions. Just not in that second when I was given the diagnosis.

After three bad news shit, I'm very uncomfortable going to any medical appointment. It's like my body recognises something that my mind will not accept. So my body seems to be screaming "don't go in there, you fool, they'll tell you something bad", while my mind is saying "it's only a yearly mot, nothing to worry about".

I think I'm a bit odd about this, I accept. But still, no way is anyone going to be with me when I see a doctor/nurse.

That is odd I think.
I really wanted my DH to attend all medical appointments when I was pregnant.. he wasn't able to sadly. But it's not something I'd expect.
And as for ordinary medical appointments I'd have no expectation he'd attend at all.
I'd expect he helped facilitate them by helping sort out child care or looking after the kids himself.
But tbh that doesn't always happen either!! It's just because of his job, he works for the NHS himself and he is also the high earner in our household,so missing work isn't always possible. It's got nothing to do with being heartless.
I always wonder who has these jobs where they can just take endless time off for a partners ordinary medical appointments.

I am one of those people who goes food shopping as a family though.. as i don't drive amd don't really have any childcare other than my DH. So it's either him going alone or all of us..
And he's just not very good at doing it alone.. he doesn't really search for things he just gives up and gets random equivalents that just aren't good calls.
I mean he does go alone every now and then and I just put up with it.. but we do have to go as a family often.
Amd tbh I personally think it's good for the kids. They learn about budgeting and meal prep etc..

If I were a medic, I would regard it as a red flag if a man went with his wife to every appointment. I would wonder what he is there to stop her from telling me.

I think it's an individual choice, and if I was judged for doing so or not doing so, then that's on them and not me.

Reasons for a couple to go -

One might have a poor memory, and would appreciate two sets of ears.

The possibility of distressing news

To present a United front when a previous appt has had an issue dismissed

There may be many other reasons too, that I can't think of right now.

I really don't agree that the person who requests their partner to attend an appt with them is "neurotic".

I know it can be tempting to judge another's actions when you don't understand why, but that's exactly it, you don't understand, so don't judge.

Same here, I didn't invite my DH to any pregnancy scans or routine appointments. He only came to the births of our children. That's enough for me. I just wanted to spend time by myself on these appointments.

No, you are both content with how you do it. Not just for check-ups or routine bloodwork. We don't go to all of our Dr appointments, only for serious things, though dh does drive to all of mine, he stays in the car, I text him I'm out.