Am I weird or normal?

[JaneFondue]

I met 2 old friends today. They told me they insist on their husbands accompanying them to every medical appointment. Neither seriously ill. Just routine appointments.

My husband doesn't accompany me to routine appointments and vice versa.
They thought this was seriously uncaring and callous.

Who is right?

There are some really sad threads on MN where the OP has a serious health problem such as cancer and her DH / DP doesn't bother going to any appointments or even give her a lift to them. On that level I think it's really callous and uncaring of the DH/ DP.

What you describe where these women expect to be accompanied to every medical appointment reminds me of the Victorian era where the little woman belongs to her DH/DP and can't be trusted with the health care professionals and wouldn't understand what they were saying and wouldnt have the ability to speak for herself anyway.

Surely common sense says for anything other than serious issues it's better to go alone?

Or maybe he does 😀

(H would think I had completely lost the plot if I suggested he come to my smear, my last one me and middle aged nurse were giggling that no if our Hs disappeared in a puff of smoke the average 50s+ male, we would both likely remain single, H being there would have spoilt all that fun)

I go to appointments alone, but tbh it is an appealing idea to go with someone else because some doctors are really dismissive.

I think it is fine for people to go with someone else if they wish.

But as anyone who has ever been in a doctor's waiting room knows, most adults without care needs go on their own.

Love languages are made up nonsense

Haven't read all replies but, erm, no he really doesn't. Usually the other person is working or caring for the kids (so practically, how would it even work?! He's not gonna take time off for it unless v serious?) but even before lives got busy, he didn't. I think the only appts he's accompanied me to were the ultrasounds for baby 1. For baby 2, I went alone to those too 😂 in thirties, both work, two young kids here. Can see this changing once we are much older and possibly one heavily dependent on other. Quite content, no major issues.

They would be less anxious if they did more independently perhaps as a thought.

I went for a biopsy in hospital and Dh waited in the car for me it's quite normal To do this l think .

Everyone's different, some people take their partner everywhere and feel inseparable, some couples are the opposite and it's both okay as long as the couples are happy I suppose.

Oh God, my ex wanted to do this with me when I was pregnant - he totally expected he should attend every single midwife appt, the controlling twat.

I soon put a stop to that. 🙄

I ask my 14, and now 16 yr old but since they were 14, if they want me to go in with them.

Your relationship with your GP should be private, especially if you have a partner who “insists” to join you.

Not sure I even tell H about all my appointments until afterwards.

And I couldn’t imagine going to his, good lord no.

Yes if it was consultant level, maybe, or something that would affect us all, yes maybe.

Being an adult I am fully capable of going to a doctors appointment by myself. Why waste my husbands time?

Sure if it’s serious or pregnancy scan then yes - having said that I had scans every two weeks and went myself but hung did the milestone ones.

i actually think these friends sound overly dependant and behave like little women.

The only times Dh has ever accompanied me was for surgery (and even then twice he only just dropped me off in pre-op). I have cancer. He’s never been to any of my cancer appointments. For one, he needs to be at work or doing the school run. But two, last thing I bloody need when I see my oncologist is Dh nervously biting his nails the whole time. 😂 It’s so much better to go by myself.

If you're weird so am I. Dh has only ever come to pregnancy related appointments. He used to come to every one as he enjoyed being a part of it. Even standard midwife ones.

He's never come to another appointment with me , however I rarely see a gp.
He's also never come to one for the dcs , he's taken them in stead of me but never together as there's not been a need. All very standard appointments.

Oh for cancer, I might like company.

Anyway I have a routine blood test next week. Just asked DH if he will come, as a sort of test, and he said "Ok!". So he passed, I guess! I fully expected him to say "Why?".

I don't need my husband at my appointments. I am very capable of taking care of myself just like I was before marriage. Came handy when I ended up in EMCS and my DH was at work.

On the very few times I've been to the doctor since the pandemic I've been surprised how many family groups there are. Weird.
But then I don't understand why whole families go supermarket shopping together either. It infuriates me! Clogging up the aisles. It seems to have become a leisure activity!

I had to start asking my DH as I was being ignored, so he came to some GP and consultant appointments.

I also went with him when they were investigating for cancer, for support and so I could listen.

But when you are in the doctors waiting room and you see the other people isn't it obvious that it's not full of couples going to appointments together?

My husband has never come to a medical appointment with me (in 15 years).
(Except baby scans, and he was present at his childrens births)

I've had normal illness, and my fair share of pretty serious stuff too. (I'm under a specialist hospital 50 miles away) and he has never come to anything. I've never asked or expected him too either.

I've been told some pretty frightening stuff, alone, as an inpatient too.

For planned admissions I have been dropped at the hospital door and gone in alone. He has driven me to A&E and taken me in for some emergancy admissions, but left once ive been admitted and waiting for bed.

Who is right?

There is no right, and no wrong, only personal preference.

The choices that they make in their marriages, and that you make in yours are entirely irrelevant to each other.

I can’t imagine anyone’s DH requesting time off work to accompany their wife to a blood test / smear test. Surely that would be turned down!

Hang on. So every time they have say a blood test or check up, they expect their partner will have time off work?

My employer’s pretty good with medical leave, but there’s no allowance to just go along to an appointment with someone who you are not providing care for.

I am stupidly phobic of the dentist. I know it’s my issue, but I need my hand held!

They are pathetic. Unless it's serious, utterly pathetic. Harsh I know, but that's my humble opinion.

Never needed anyone to accompany me to a medical appointment, except when the doctors insisted on it due to having sedation/GA, and baby scans/births. Regular antenatal appointments on my own. I've had a few ops and always went to the preop appointments alone, and I have annual blood tests alone. DH would have to use annual leave or take unpaid time off to come with me - I'd rather save the leave for actual holidays.