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Original poster

Valentines and daughters

44 replies

Kbroughton · 23/01/2025 14:31

Just interested in views here. My fiancé has a 10 year old daughter. She is adopted, which I do think may be relevant as she has suffered from worries about permanence since the break up of her parents (five years ago). She is lovely and we all get on amazingly well. Her Mum has asked whether her dad (my fiancé) can send her a valentines card as she has fallen out with her best friend and doesn't have a boyfriend and lots of her friends do. As an eighties child my Dad would never do this, and my exH would never do it either (with our child), so just wondering on thoughts. He feels weird about it but also wants to do best by daughter.

OP posts:
ImNotThereAmI · 23/01/2025 14:38

Why not? I don’t think it’s a thing that dads should have to do but if it will cheer her up then go for it

Ellopal · 23/01/2025 14:38

Why can’t the mum do it?

Sunnyside4 · 23/01/2025 14:38

It sounds a bit odd to me and I can tell you without asking DH, he wouldn't want to do it. We did used to buy DD a little chocolate treat when she was younger, ie something like a chocolate heart costing £2 as we wanted to include her (we're the sort who buy cards, gifts, meal out or nice meal at home with candles).

At that age many of her friends might have boys who they term BFs, but in reality it'll just be two people who like each other at school and many of them won't even see eachother outside school.

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KnickerlessParsons · 23/01/2025 14:40

It might boost her confidence even more if you sent her an anonymous valentine.
In ye olden days, valentine cards always used to be anonymous

HPandthelastwish · 23/01/2025 14:40

We have Jack Valentine, it's a Norfolk tradition going back centuries, it's a combo of April fools and the Easter bunny. He ding dong dashes the house leaving a bag of sweets and / or pranks for the child.

Perhaps do something like that

ImNotThereAmI · 23/01/2025 14:40

Oh op, I just realised, do you mean an anonymous card so she thinks she has an admirer? Or just a card from dad to say he loves her?

Sparxdislike · 23/01/2025 14:41

I normally get my children heart lolly's or chocolates. I wouldn't do a card. I remember being a similar age and my mum sending me a card form ? It was well intentioned but unnecessary. I recognised her ill disguised handwriting. Bless her though :)

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 23/01/2025 14:41

A 10yo doesn't need a valentines card, I find it a bit odd.

MissyB1 · 23/01/2025 14:42

I still buy my ds (age 16) a chocolate heart or biscuit, but I've done that since he was a toddler so its more tradition now than anything. But a card? No! That would be very odd!

Her mum could maybe buy her a little treat.

StJamesInfirmary · 23/01/2025 14:43

Ah I think it's lovely. I used to get flowers from my dad and my granny would always send a valentine's day card to me. I've asked my DH to do the same for our girls as they grow up.

ImNotThereAmI · 23/01/2025 14:45

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with widening Valentine’s Day. Galentines day is a thing, where women hang out together, celebrating their friendship. I don’t see why it can’t be a day for everyone you love, so if a parent wants to buy something for their child to say they love them then fine. It doesn’t always have to romantic

MangoAndMelon · 23/01/2025 14:46

My dad used to give me a flower on Valentines day when giving mum her flowers. I think it's lovely gesture for young daughter.

As long as it's from him, not pretend admirer as pp said

Dearg · 23/01/2025 14:46

I think it’s a nice thought. If it boosts her self esteem to be reminded that she is loved, why not ?

I got a ‘Galantine’ from a female friend in the US. She sent to all her close female friends . I found that surprising but rather nice that she was thinking of me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/01/2025 14:47

If he feels weird about it, he shouldn't do it.

Giving extra meaning to these meaningless 'holidays' encourages an ever-increasing level of nonsense.

If she's having a hard time, more time doing things she loves with the people she loves is a great idea. More talking, more spending time together, more love. But giving weight to Valentine's Day isn't a good idea.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 23/01/2025 14:50

I'm an 80s kid too and my Dad would give me a card from '?' every year when I was small / under 14ish maybe - but I knew it was from him. (DM and DF have always signed valentines cards to each other from '?') He'd also give me a single red rose. It was nice, made me happy. I can't see there's any harm in it.

I wouldn't send one that she might think is from an actual admirer though, that has the potential to hurt her feelings.

MiliaFlower · 23/01/2025 14:52

I think it’s a sweet idea, especially considering her worries about permanence and her current emotional situation. It doesn’t have to be overly sentimental, just a thoughtful gesture to remind her how loved she is. At 10, it’s more about reassurance and boosting her confidence than anything romantic.

Original poster
Kbroughton · 23/01/2025 15:01

Thanks all for your replies. She meant an anonymous card which I think is where the uncomfortableness is. Although there are different views, knowing my SD as I do I think a card from her Dad would make her feel nice and special, but defo not a anonymous card. The only issue I have now is my daughter and a card! I will do one from me - or should we do two cards from both of us? There is no point asking my ExH he hardly ever sees her :( Ugh why is everything so complicated.

OP posts:
Sparxdislike · 23/01/2025 15:04

My daughter and her friends are doing valentine baskets for each other which is a cute idea. Maybe he would feel more comfortable with this? If you wanted to do a little valentine hamped for your daughter and step daughter?

Sparxdislike · 23/01/2025 15:04

Hamper sorry multi tasking

4dcsExhaustedMuma · 23/01/2025 15:05

You can get ' to my daughter/son' valentines cards.
I always get my dcs some valentines sweets or chocolate heart lolly.

Greyish2025 · 23/01/2025 15:25

Kbroughton · 23/01/2025 14:31

Just interested in views here. My fiancé has a 10 year old daughter. She is adopted, which I do think may be relevant as she has suffered from worries about permanence since the break up of her parents (five years ago). She is lovely and we all get on amazingly well. Her Mum has asked whether her dad (my fiancé) can send her a valentines card as she has fallen out with her best friend and doesn't have a boyfriend and lots of her friends do. As an eighties child my Dad would never do this, and my exH would never do it either (with our child), so just wondering on thoughts. He feels weird about it but also wants to do best by daughter.

Yes, I think it would be a lovely thing to do but only if you never tell her who sent it and are able to write convincingly in a 10yo handwriting, it has to be done believably

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 23/01/2025 15:28

I wouldn't do it and deffo wouldn't do it anonymously however My friends husband sends cards to both daughters and buys flowers for them as well as mum.

Greyish2025 · 23/01/2025 15:28

Kbroughton · 23/01/2025 15:01

Thanks all for your replies. She meant an anonymous card which I think is where the uncomfortableness is. Although there are different views, knowing my SD as I do I think a card from her Dad would make her feel nice and special, but defo not a anonymous card. The only issue I have now is my daughter and a card! I will do one from me - or should we do two cards from both of us? There is no point asking my ExH he hardly ever sees her :( Ugh why is everything so complicated.

but defo not a anonymous card

Why not? That would be the fun part of it and then she could discuss it with friends that had also got one
It’s not the same if it obviously comes from your Dad

sweetgreens · 23/01/2025 16:12

My children make cards with painted hearts on for us and their grandparents and we will buy them a heart cup cake or ginger bread biscuit or chocolate.
It's just a bit of fun. They are just showing people that they love them.

chakrakkhan · 23/01/2025 16:16

My dad used to send me valentines cards when I was a preteen/young teenager. I loved getting them in the post. And I used to make both my parents valentines cards when I was very little. We do a nice valentines breakfast/meal in our house. I don't think valentines has to be about romantic love and it's just another day to do something extra special with the ones you love.