Valentines and daughters

[Kbroughton]

Just interested in views here. My fiancé has a 10 year old daughter. She is adopted, which I do think may be relevant as she has suffered from worries about permanence since the break up of her parents (five years ago). She is lovely and we all get on amazingly well. Her Mum has asked whether her dad (my fiancé) can send her a valentines card as she has fallen out with her best friend and doesn't have a boyfriend and lots of her friends do. As an eighties child my Dad would never do this, and my exH would never do it either (with our child), so just wondering on thoughts. He feels weird about it but also wants to do best by daughter.

10 year olds have boyfriends? 😮
Misses point of thread..

I know plenty of people who give valentines cards or gifts to their children of both gender.

It’s a day to show you love someone, that doesn’t necessarily have to just mean sexual relationships.

love comes in all forms between all people.

I don't give my kids cards, but they do get something chocolatey for Valentines Day (to stop them eating mine...)

The anonymous bit is the bit I feel uncomfortable with. The purpose of doing it for us would be to show his daughter that she is important to him. I dont think a 10 year old needs a secret admirer, and DP feels the same. She is quite a nervous child and the thought of a card from someone she doesnt know coming to the house may well freak her out! I like the idea of doing something nice for both girls to show they are important after everything they have been through. thanks everyone for your help :)

Is this something that you are going to keep up for the next few years though as it would be strange to not get one next year if you got one this year and so on,

We did decades ago!
Note passed "Do you want to be my girlfried? Yes No"
Ticked yes and never really spoke again😂 But were boyfriend and girlfriend 😂

I would probably just get some flowers or a choc.

My Dad sends me and my younger sister a Valentine's card every year, I'm 35 now and he even did it when I was married. He signs it with a question mark but I've always know it was from him. It's sweet.

My mum gave me a Betty’s chocolate heart every valentines and I still received them by post until I got married in my 30s.

I do the same for my kids (M&S as I don’t have Bettys nearby any more!) and will do so until they’re married/settled.

I think a little homemade card or chocolate heart from her Dad saying how much he loves her is so nice, I used to do this for my dc, but an anonymous valentine card through the post not so much.

No 10 yr old needs a Valentine's card.

It would be very odd to send a Valentine's card to your dd. Valentines is for romantic / sexual love.

Anonymous cards are awful. Sort of thing a stalker would do.

No, I wouldn’t send an anonymous card pretending not to be Dad. She’ll have the excitement of wondering who it’s from and who secretly thinks she’s pretty or really likes her etc and then if she finds out it was just a placating gesture from her dad she’ll be crushed, and possibly feel embarrassed if she’s shown it to friends/classmates.

A definite yes from other people in her life sending (named) cards saying how much they love her and how special she is to them, though. Valentine’s Day isn’t a serious sexy romance couples day anymore (if if ever was), it’s gimmicky and manufactured fun, and if you don’t get to enjoy gimmicky and manufactured fun when you’re 10, when can you.

An anonymous card is creepy and stalker ish. That’s no the sort of behaviour to be normalising. But a Valentine’s card and maybe some chocolates from her dad is a lovely gesture.

It creeped me out that my MIL used to send them to my children but dad doing it, especially in this case is fine.

My dad was the least sentimental man you'd ever meet and a man of very few words but he used to buy me and my two sisters flowers every Valentine's Day. It's one of my favourite memories.

Based on what you’ve said about it possibly making her feel nervous and freaked out, I think you should go with your instinct and definitely not do the anonymous card!
Hopefully her mum will understand if you explain that.
Personally, I feel that keeping it light and low-key is better – for example nice chocolates and a fun movie together, and maybe making fun heart shaped biscuits or something like that, just to mark the occasion in a more family-friendly way.
IMO, kids that age often feel a little bit embarrassed about ‘romance’ and the social pressure around valentine cards. I can remember my mum sending me an ‘anonymous’ one around that age (I recognised her writing) and I was aware that she was trying to boost my confidence, which just made me feel even more rubbish!

@MangoAndMelon brilliant! That explains it ❤️

Yes,why does it have to be dad,I've gotten my girls cards since they were old enough to understand.
Asked my 19 year old if I still had to get her one this year as she has a boyfriend and she said yes 🤣

If it's anonymous then her mum can just send it if she thinks it's a good idea.

I sometimes buy the kids love heart sweets or chocolate on Valentines Day (another excuse for chocolate) so maybe that rather than sending a card.