Why do people delay TTC for a wedding but not other events?

[GeraldineGrang3r]

I see it a lot where people say you shouldn't TTC before your wedding because you don't know how you're going to feel, you may get HG, you may just feel rough with morning sickness etc. which may ruin your enjoyment of your wedding day. But then people also say don't delay TTC because of a particular birth month, holidays etc as you just don't know how long it will take to TTC, particularly if like me you're in your 30s. I understand the legal implications of marriage and how it's better to be married before having a baby. However I don't understand why you should delay TTC because it may affect your enjoyment of your wedding day / honeymoon but that doesn't apply to any other event like holidays etc.

It's all about the dress obviously.

I assume because you (hopefully) only have one wedding day, but equally hopefully get lots of holidays?

Can't tell if you're being serious or not, but a dress wouldn't be affected by early pregnancy unless it's super tight fitting.

I got married a week before my due date. Living on the edge, me.

I'm half serious. Also maybe a bride would like a glass or two of champagne to celebrate?

If you're getting married anyway, why not just wait?

We were just traditional I guess, got married, bought a house (house move also involved us changing jobs and relocating so took a while), then TTC once it was all out of the way. All in our 30s.

Because people want to feel and look their best on their wedding day? One of the most important days of their life, where there are usually lots of pictures taken?

The main reason for not wanting to wait is because my Dad's been seriously ill and it's making us question if we really want to wait a few more months for the sake of one day (plus a week's honeymoon). No judgement at all on anyone who's chosen to wait or gone the other way and gotten married whilst pregnant. I just feel like I'm missing something when people say delay for wedding but don't delay for other reasons, which is why I asked :) Fair point though about there only being one wedding but multiple holidays throughout your life.

When are you getting married, @GeraldineGrang3r?

Sheer cost of your own wedding, if you throw a traditional fair sized party. I would be cross spending that much money if I felt rotten throughout. Thing is, until you get pregnant you don't know how you are going to feel. Early pregnancy wrecked a holiday for me (just to Cornwall, so I was just mildly put out) due to rotten morning (ha!) sickness, but from mid pregnancy to birth I felt brilliant and bouncy. For some people the opposite may be the case, and others may be fine/feel horrific all the way through. If you're having a quick wedding with a small handful of guests, I'd be more willing to risk it. If I were you, I'd aim for a registry office wedding with your dad in the coming weeks, then have a baby, then have a party/blessing after that.

May, so another 4 months. Which in the grand scheme of things obviously isn't a super long time but family illness (heart attack but currently stable so not immediately life threatening iyswim) is just making us re-evaluate.

Edited to add, wedding is registry office & meal with a relatively small group followed by an evening party.

@GeraldineGrang3r if you want to be married and have a baby you could get married in a couple of weeks time. All you need is the license and a place to do the ceremony. You can get both of those at your local registrar office and then get on with trying for a baby.
You don't need a wedding to be married.
Personally I prioritised a baby over getting married (she was almost 4 when we got married) - but we still had a basic register service.
Which is your priority really is the question?

Because most weddings will cost more than even the fanciest of holidays, and a holiday can be adapted if you are pregnant, unless you are hiking Everest or something.

I was in early pregnancy (happened quickly) when we went away long haul a few months after the wedding, I had some morning sickness and a couple of times opted out of a fancy meal with DH or a stroll round town to have a lie down instead, but no one else we knew was there or inconvenienced by this.

I went to a family wedding five weeks pregnant, I felt pretty sick and very tired.
I would have been very disappointed if that had been my wedding. I continued to feel sick for at least 15 weeks.

Also when you are pregnant your entire focus shifts from two to three and from doing something for yourself to do something for someone else.

Your wedding is a celebration of you and your partner. When you are pregnant you have to monitor what you eat, drink, how tired you get etc. You can't center yourself. Once you have a baby it is almost impossible to ever center yourself again.

Both having a baby and getting married can be great experiences but I do understand why people don't want to mix them.

Because your wedding day should be about you. Wearing a dress you feel beautiful in. Drinking champagne. Everyone deserves to feel amazing on their wedding day.

I think if you have the wedding already booked that's quite a different thing, than if you've agreed in principle to have a baby first and then get married.
In the second case, the wedding often doesn't happen once the baby is here.
In the first case, it wouldn't really affect anything, you're right.

We started trying three months before our wedding as I figured it wouldn't mess up my dress size too much if I got pregnant immediately!

If you're only having a low key wedding then why not bring it forward?

Why do anything that other people say you should do? Do whatever you want.

As with anything it's each to their own. Some will delay TTC for their wedding day others won't. We'd been TTC for a number of years before our wedding and were undergoing fertility investigations whilst we planned our wedding. We didn't stop TTC and if I had of become pregnant we'd have just adjusted our day / the dress accordingly as it happened I was pregnant by our first anniversary thanks to the miracle that is IVF treatment.

Mine was about the dress and the honeymoon. But I wouldn't recommend it to other people. It's just what suited me. Same way I loved certain choices I made for the music, entertainment and flowers, but I wouldn't recommend them as being a superior choice. It's just a choice.

I felt so ill until 20 weeks that I would have spent my own wedding retching and crying in a corner! I couldn't even cope with the smell of food, never mind eating. Though saying that we needed IVF and TTC took longer than expected, but there was no way of knowing that was going to be the case.

Sorry for slow reply. Thanks all for your thoughts. To answer why not bring it forward, in hindsight we wouldn't have waited so long to get married after getting engaged. But at the time, we obviously weren't expecting my Dad to become ill. Even though it's only registry office, meal and party, we still have the photographer booked, people confirmed they're free (a fair few of our close family work shifts so limited time off on days that would work for everyone), suits organised, seamstress, evening venue, buffet for evening guests etc. And I think at this stage it would be way too much hassle to bring it forward. Tbh even if we bring it forward we've still got the non-refundable flights for our honeymoon booked for May.

Obviously if Dad took a turn for the worst and he wasn't doing well in recovery, then there'd be no question about bringing the ceremony forward. I literally wouldn't care about anything else as long as we could sort ceremony and preferably photographer to capture him being there. But, as he's doing well, I think logistically we're better off keeping the wedding date as is and then just working out our priorities with regards to when we TTC.

We tried before our wedding and were 18months down the line and still no baby so I’m definitely an advocate for not waiting. However my friend (who has children) did ask if we were waiting so you don’t feel awful on your wedding day - she had terrible nausea for her first trimester and she said she wouldn’t have been able to get though a wedding the way she was!

@GeraldineGrang3r can you imagine what it would be like to have a miscarriage shortly before your wedding? Or find out you have to make the choice about abortion because your quadruple test/ amino indicate Downs? Most people who choose marriage before kids have plenty of reasons to delay conceiving before the wedding.

I had hg. Was sick every day , many times a day - from 4/5w preg to giving birth

i look green in pics on holiday

one would like to be a pretty bride with a fess that fits and maybe a few glasses of bubbly etx