Anyone else's dc do a sport that takes over your life

[Washywishy]

And you hate it!
It's supposed to be 20 hours a week but we've dropped a day as that was too much, they're always tired, affects their behaviour (no matter how early we put them to bed!) Hardly any family time, competitions that are stressful, even though we tell them just to enjoy it, no pressure.
They don't want to give it up.
10 years old now and been doing it for years, gradually built up the hours as they've progressed.
Another meltdown leaving the house this evening.
It's making me miserable.

Personally if it is causing melt downs and stress I just wouldnt allow it. Either drop down to recreational level, quit or stop the meltdowns.

How much impact on schoolwork and friendships and leisure, is that also not working? Also, how old and are they looking at it as a career? 20 hours seems a lot

I’m guessing… gymnastics?

Well, mine have a sport that has kind of taken over my life, but it's outside and weather dependent, so at the moment it's mostly weekends. But all my weekends.

But the difference is, I kind of love it. I love watching them and I hang out with all the parent friends I've made there. The kids also love it and are chirpy even when they are woken at 6:30 for an event!

Could you do a term of refusing to take them if they meltdown on exit. Either they will realize it's you doing them the favor and feel they are missing out and improve behavior....or they will enjoy missing some and realize they want to step down.

But also.... It might not be the sport. 10 year old are rather tricky. It's hormone central! Year 6 is much more socially complex and that often comes out in some tricky behavior at home. My DC is 10 too. Lovely when doing his sport, but tricky as hell at some other times.

Husband said it was because he was too tired. We did nothing over the Christmas period and his behavior was exactly the same!

It's either gymnastics or swimming. 20hrs a week is far too much across a single sport at that age - all the research shows that doing a range of sport is best for children at that age. Early specialisation leads to high injury risk as well as children losing interest. Unfortunately neither Swim England nor British Gymnastics seem to have got the memo.

We took DD out of gymnastics about that age when they wanted her doing 16hrs, she was a decent squad gymnast, but was never going to the Olympics! She plays county netball and does pentathlons now (where she has a top 10 national ranking) and having the variety has kept her much more engaged and I suspect the range of training helps across all the sports she does. Girls do start getting a bit stroppy about now though, but if DD had a meltdown before we left for training (and it is a commitment for parents as well), we'd not be going that night.

This!
It is a lot of hours to dedicate to something that's causing so much stress. My DCs also do a sport with high training hours, with DC1 now training 5 times a week plus long weekends of competitions. It's fine because it brings them much enjoyment (and a huge improvement to their sleep!), and I also enjoy a lot of the social side too. If I was dealing with that much stress and meltdowns, they would quickly be given an ultimatum and if things didn't change, they would be withdrawn.

I'd surprised if it was swimming 20 hrs a week aged 10 unless the child was at Mt Kelly etc and parents wouldn't be taking them. Mine "only" does 15, excluding competitions and is a lot older. If yours is having meltdowns and is tired, it's too much whatever the sport. They need to enjoy themselves at it too and it does help if the parents do (we both do)

I'm guessing gymnastics.

Gymnastics? If they're
Not enjoying it put them into cheer or recreational or something completely different .

Ha ha, yes it's gymnastics!!
Thank you all for your replies, I agree with if there's a meltdown we just shouldn't go and I will start putting my foot down.
Never going to be an olympian so I think it's just too much.

The problem is they enjoy it but I'm going to look at other ways of cutting hours.
Thanks all.

I would never have put up with any of that nonsense. Why have you?

Ds's have done football, refereeing, boxing, cross country, badminton and table tennis. But all low key. Even 2 doing football is hard work.

I’m guessing they’re on the performance pathway with doing that many hours? Maybe see if they can be reduced and just do the development pathway?

No, because each of their sports is just that - a recreational thing for them to enjoy. So we've not let any of them take over our lives.

It doesn't sound like yours is loving it either.

We wouldn’t be having that, our sons a dancer, we’re clear that any tantrums etc mean his body/mind are too tired to dance, so on those days we don’t go, he also knows we aren’t going revolve our family around his hobby, there are four people in this family, we all need time for our hobbies not just him.

20 hours a week 10 yo?
No way.

Sorry OP but I wouldn’t be allowing this. While it’s fun, it’s great, but the second bad behaviour starts due to tiredness, who is benefiting from it?
Sit her down when she is calm and say one more show like this morning and she is being deregistered, no question about it.

Yes have 2 kids. One son does boxing and football and my daughter plays volleyball- county level and going into national team. We are extremely busy and out most evenings and weekends. It is very tiring isnt it. It's not forever though.

My friend used to complain that her ds’s football was taking over their lives. He’s now a professional player in a premier league team and earning about a million a year, aged 19. Friend is not complaining now!

Honestly though, if they’re good but not amazing at a sport I wouldn’t be letting them put in hours like that at that age. It’s too much.

Mine are both a bit crap at sport so it’s never been a problem for me!

We were advised by the physio no more than one hour training per year of age each week for kids and teens. So my 15 year old can do a max 15 hours.

My daughter does a lot of dance (ballet mostly) but we have a firm rule on how much per week - for her and for us (and for family finances!). Between the two kids we have something in every night and spend a decent amount of money on it all. I do struggle with it but my kids absolutely love every moment so it's fine for now.

If it's affecting the rest of your life and isn't working for you I would pull way back. It's not fair to have your whole life defined by something no one is even enjoying.

Sit down with her at a quiet moment, say there are some new rules as you think that she is too tired for school, and school is the priority.

Any time there is a melt down over leaving the house or something gymnastics related, she wont be going to the practice that day as she is clearly too tired to hold it together like the wonderful 10 yr old you know she is. She will get one reminder at the start of the meltdown and a 60 second time limit to pull herself together.

write down the rules and stick them on the fridge..then stick to them.

Look into swapping from 4-peice to 2-piece (ie Floor& Vault) if she still wants to compete. 20 hours a week on a hobby is insane imo.
Or cheer.
Or dance?

What’s the max hours recommended for her age by British Gymnastics? Is it really as much as 20 hours? Can she decrease her hours and still do 4 piece or even drop to 2 piece?

One of mine does Artistic gym too and it does make me wary. Clubs don’t always seem to understand that they need to stay in the sport to reach their potential, but if they don’t enjoy it or are pushed too hard they will not stay in the sport.

20 hours of training at 10?? That's mad. It should be a hobby at this age.

You're the adult and the parent, tell her she's doing 2 sessions a week, max...

I don't understand why you are forcing this if she's having meltdowns and you have had enough of it taking over your life. What's the point? Who is for?