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Original poster

I need a pithy answer to “No pockets in shrouds”

49 replies

Rictasmorticia · 19/01/2025 18:43

I am comfortable off with enough income from my pension to be able to save. I have achieved this by my own hard work. I am very generous to others financially and in other ways. I don’t, however spend masses amount on my self.
I buy any thing I want and get the best. I am not into designer this or that or I buy good quality that lasts.

DH is the opposite he has always had extravagant tastes, likes gadgets and must have the latest version of everything.spends a fortune on his hobby. Absolutely no problem. Like me he has worked for everything he has.

I am now getting into my final years and the money I have in savings it to make my dotage as comfortable as I can. A carer or care home and any improvements that will help me stay in my home.

A conversation came up regarding me having a smart watch as I was saying that my phone does not seem to alert me to texts or WhatsApp. I replied that I need to look after my money, to which DH replied there are no pockets in shrouds. I have no intention of dying rich as I have first hand experience of care home costs. I was really hurt by that.

I made a stupid remark that did not really say what I wanted to say. Even though it is too late now, what answer would have been clever and to the point.

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 19/01/2025 18:46

“You do you, I’ll do me”, or “fuck off” depending on how irritating you are finding him.

DaftyLass · 19/01/2025 18:48

I'd say it's the part before dying you are thinking about

Overtheatlantic · 19/01/2025 18:48

“Bite me, Sherlock.”

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 19/01/2025 18:50

There’s no joy in poverty either - i want to spend my life enjoying it, not worrying and this way i can.
anyone who thinks there’s something more noble about having no money versus having enough has never had no money.

CoastalCalm · 19/01/2025 18:50

But you need the money to pay for one

Unrepentantfarter · 19/01/2025 18:51

"Well, shop doorways don't have central heating..."

AnnaMagnani · 19/01/2025 18:52

I think your DH has a point. If a smart watch is going to do the task you are looking for, why not get one?

There has to be a middle way between you and DH.

It's great to save for retirement and ill heath but we don't have a crystal ball. If your DH is unwell before you - which is statistically more likely - the money may go on him rather than you. Or you might not need a carer or care home in which case where is the money going?

rickyrickygrimes · 19/01/2025 18:57

Do you and your DH live together? Share a house(you talk anbout getting adaptations in ‘my’ home) Are your finances joined in any way?

I’m curious how it works in a couple when you save assiduously for old age and he doesn’t 🤷‍♀️? He’ll end up scraping along in whatever crappy care home the council puts him in while you have a comfortable life in a nicer place? You’ll pay to get a stairlift or an accessible shower installed at home - but only when you need it, and not if he needs it earlier than you do?

🤷‍♀️

TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/01/2025 18:57

I don't think what he said was offensive, and I wonder why it has ruffled you so much?

You can afford a smart watch. Buying one will have ZERO impact on your ability to afford a care home. If you don't want one (I don't) you can just say "Nah, I don't want one" rather than "I have to look after my money". If I had a husband who said "I have to look after my money", possibly quite often, in similar scenarios, when I know he has plenty of money, I might wonder what he was saving it for and make a similar comment.

SparklingSpa · 19/01/2025 19:00

Do you think he hit a nerve saying that, maybe he wants to see you enjoy your money a bit more, he does have a point?

Original poster
Rictasmorticia · 19/01/2025 19:05

AnnaMagnani · 19/01/2025 18:52

I think your DH has a point. If a smart watch is going to do the task you are looking for, why not get one?

There has to be a middle way between you and DH.

It's great to save for retirement and ill heath but we don't have a crystal ball. If your DH is unwell before you - which is statistically more likely - the money may go on him rather than you. Or you might not need a carer or care home in which case where is the money going?

We both have enough savings to pay for own care. I have cared for three elderly relatives who would not spend money on themselves in old age. Even though they could afford cleaners and carers. I spent the first 10 years of my retirement looking after them.

i have amazing kids who are so kind, but there is no way I am going to expect them to do the caring for me.

i already have a cleaner and use Uber as I can’t use public transport. These things make more sense than £300 on a gadget to tell me when I have a text. That is my choice and I don’t say it is right.

I am grateful for the different points view and the brilliant responses.

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 19/01/2025 19:07

“My shroud will. I’m saving for a good one with extra pockets.”

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 19/01/2025 19:07

No, but living in poverty will put me in the shroud sooner, & make the journey there much harder.

gavinandstaceychristmasspecial · 19/01/2025 19:08

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 19/01/2025 19:07

“My shroud will. I’m saving for a good one with extra pockets.”

This is the winner.

Original poster
Rictasmorticia · 19/01/2025 19:09

rickyrickygrimes · 19/01/2025 18:57

Do you and your DH live together? Share a house(you talk anbout getting adaptations in ‘my’ home) Are your finances joined in any way?

I’m curious how it works in a couple when you save assiduously for old age and he doesn’t 🤷‍♀️? He’ll end up scraping along in whatever crappy care home the council puts him in while you have a comfortable life in a nicer place? You’ll pay to get a stairlift or an accessible shower installed at home - but only when you need it, and not if he needs it earlier than you do?

🤷‍♀️

We do share a home. He was a considerably higher earner than me.I don’t begrudge him his extravagance. I did not mean it to come across that way.

We would pay half each for to any improvements regardless of which of us needs it. Same with the care home, I would use my savings to pay should his run out. The way it works for us is where something is of mutual benefit we pay half each. We have always done that except when we were very young.

OP posts:
Redrosesposies · 19/01/2025 19:12

I'm missing the point of the thread entirely @Rictasmorticia but more fool you for spending time and resources on, not one but three, elderly relatives who could afford to pay for carers and cleaners.

Original poster
Rictasmorticia · 19/01/2025 19:16

Redrosesposies · 19/01/2025 19:12

I'm missing the point of the thread entirely @Rictasmorticia but more fool you for spending time and resources on, not one but three, elderly relatives who could afford to pay for carers and cleaners.

You are right. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I think I would have been racked with guilt if I did what the others did and walked away.

OP posts:
coldcallerbaiter · 19/01/2025 19:17

You could reply ‘ why don’t you die, so you can double-check that’.

user1471538283 · 19/01/2025 19:21

And he must not assume whilst he spends his money on stuff that you will top it up when he runs out.

It's not his place to question you about your money.

TinyMouseTheatre · 19/01/2025 19:25

Probably missing the point of the thread entirely but CEX are good for secondhand gadgets and don't usually coat anywhere near as much as the new item would.

Original poster
Rictasmorticia · 19/01/2025 19:34

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 19/01/2025 19:07

“My shroud will. I’m saving for a good one with extra pockets.”

Love this. That is exactly what I needed

OP posts:
AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 19/01/2025 19:56

First post nails it. Well said @Ohthatsabitshit .

Original poster
Rictasmorticia · 19/01/2025 20:25

DaftyLass · 19/01/2025 18:48

I'd say it's the part before dying you are thinking about

That is also perfect

OP posts:
ExtraDisorganised · 19/01/2025 20:28

You might not need care though. I think there is a balance to be had between being frugal and being extravagant, I’m more frugal than my DH, and sometimes feel frustrated at things he does that I see as being wasteful, but equally he gets fed up with me scrimping on things when I really don’t need to (we both earn and both have savings / investments). So over the years I have relaxed a bit, I got myself an apple watch after several years of him having them and me saying I don’t need one (and I love it and can’t imagine not having one now) and no long term harm has been done to my finances.

powershowerforanhour · 19/01/2025 20:34

You're the grasshopper, I'm the ant".