I need a pithy answer to “No pockets in shrouds”

[Rictasmorticia]

I am comfortable off with enough income from my pension to be able to save. I have achieved this by my own hard work. I am very generous to others financially and in other ways. I don’t, however spend masses amount on my self.
I buy any thing I want and get the best. I am not into designer this or that or I buy good quality that lasts.

DH is the opposite he has always had extravagant tastes, likes gadgets and must have the latest version of everything.spends a fortune on his hobby. Absolutely no problem. Like me he has worked for everything he has.

I am now getting into my final years and the money I have in savings it to make my dotage as comfortable as I can. A carer or care home and any improvements that will help me stay in my home.

A conversation came up regarding me having a smart watch as I was saying that my phone does not seem to alert me to texts or WhatsApp. I replied that I need to look after my money, to which DH replied there are no pockets in shrouds. I have no intention of dying rich as I have first hand experience of care home costs. I was really hurt by that.

I made a stupid remark that did not really say what I wanted to say. Even though it is too late now, what answer would have been clever and to the point.

£300? You can spend £20 on a watch that does the same thing

Maybe he just meant it as encouragement? As in don't overthink it , buy it if you want . Do you think you maybe overreacted ?

My Dsister died unexpectedly last year (56) she had been diagnosed with a degenerative disease a few years ago which was progressing slowly. Money wasn’t tight but she was wary of care costs in the future.
To be honest her and BIL have always had short arms and deep pockets. It was a standing joke in the family.

Sadly she was diagnosed with one of the silent killer cancers. She has left a very large pot of savings that she was always reluctant to spend. They had no children so she never went without, but it is a great shame that she didn’t get round to enjoying the new kitchen she was planning ( for the last 10yrs) but couldn’t justify spending the money on.

There are no guarantees and I have realised that it’s nice to have savings but it’s good to balance living comfortably with living without when the money is sitting in the bank.

All the planning in the world cannot prepare us for the wide ball.

I'd be on his side if you wanted the watch and your only reason to not get one is saving for just in case.

You might not need care though.

Totally agree. We have 4 nonagenarians in the family living in 3 separate houses. None of them have carers or have lived in a care home.

Hmmm

You've mentioned a problem, which has one easy solution (the smart watch) which your husband would think of as he's into tech, and which you can clearly afford.
Saving for the future, while sensible, doesn't mean you can't occasionally buy things to make your life a little easier now. It doesn't commit you to upgrading to the latest version every year!

Why were you so hurt by DH remark?

That fable teaches you so much.
I have just dealt with a grasshopper coming to ask for my ant reserves. We know who ended up freezing in the end.

I hate using the word triggered. But why has this throwaway comment triggered you so much op?

Or turn the notifications on your phone on.

We have both tried, any tips on what I am doing wrong. An idiots guide would help, it won’t make any sound when I get a text.

Lots to think about. I don’t know why the throw away remark cut like it did. With the watch, it is just another bit of tech that I have to get to grips with, I think maybe I am a technophobe and stubbornly won’t give it a try.

'We do share a home. He was a considerably higher earner than me.I don’t begrudge him his extravagance. I did not mean it to come across that way.

We would pay half each for to any improvements regardless of which of us needs it. Same with the care home, I would use my savings to pay should his run out. The way it works for us is where something is of mutual benefit we pay half each. We have always done that except when we were very young.'

Not the point of the thread, I know, but just wondered why you'd always pay half towards things when your DH earned considerably more than you. This seems a very common (but actually quite unfair!) thing with couples who both work. Surely a proportionate split would be fairer?

...So maybe DH could buy you a smart watch to redress the balance!

No I did not pay half when he was the greater earner. Now that we are retired his pension is higher than mine, but so are his expenses, He pays all the bills We go half on things that need replacing, decorating costs and our recent central heating upgrade and house refurbishment.If we go out we tend to take it in tuns to pay, but we don’t keep a rigorous check.He does not ask for half, I volunteer it.

"Don't be ridiculous. Until there's an accurate way to predict the exact date of my death I will live within my income thank you. I'd rather know I can still afford the basics if I am still alive in 20 years than have a snazzy watch."

Women tend to live longer than men. We have to plan for potentially several decades living on what we nanage to accumulate in our younger more active years.

What is the actual problem you want to fix? Which notifications are you not getting?

What sort of phone have you got? Working out how to use the tech you have seems a better plan than buying some more because you’re stuck (said kindly, my parents used to do this 😀)

If your dh is good at tech, why can't he fix your phone to make notifications work? A smart watch still has to be set up!

Go to settings, notifications, make sure on

The go to settings, apps, tap what's app, allow notifications.

Alternatively, pop into any phone shop they won't charge you.

Response to shroud comment - cheap shroud planned, darling?

Just the classic, “I don’t want my care home to smell of wee.”

Also, not the point of this thread but text and whatsapp messages showing up on your Home Screen when your phone is locked are a security risk. They allow criminals to see the codes that they would need to hack into your emails, online banking etc.

Thank you for this enquiry it is kind to take an interest. However at 4am after lots of googling, useless stuff as nothing looks like my phone. Suddenly there on the screen was ‘do not disturb’ switched it off and problem solved.

I had an awareness of the problem being solved as, every morning at 7 am my 8 year old GD texts me a funny message. As I had my earphones in, it was rather a rude screech which woke me. However it is now back to a gentle sound,

I just want to say thank you to all who have offered to help resolve the problem.

'Well, I don't want to spend my money on 'smart' watches. I don't question what you do with your personal money so you shouldn't either.'
Then firmly just move the convo to something else.

Glad it's all resolved

This!!!