Madness

[Gettingbysomehow]

My parents in their late 80s have told us their children without any discussion at all that they are selling up everything they own and moving to a tropical island.
Neither of them are well, think diabetes and repeated heart attacks.
There is one hospital on the island which is extremely basic and anything urgent you have to go to the nearest big country a two hour flight for treatment.
We are beside ourselves with worry, they both have full capacity so there is nothing we can do about it.
The house is already on the market.
You can be damned sure if anything happens to them it will have to be me that takes two flights to this place to get to them.
I'm just so furious they are doing this, they are bound to get robbed as well.
I don't know why I'm posting just interested in what people think.

Oh my word OP, gosh that's a bit extreme of them! Have they said why?

Have they said why they plan on doing this?
I can see why you'd be upset, however maybe they just want to live out the rest of their lives exactly how they feel is right.
The bit where you said they both have full capacity is really the only bit that matters. They can make decisions that you don't agree with, you don't have any rights whatsoever to an opinion. Sad but true.

I mean the free spirited part of me that would love to retire to a tropical island thinks fucking good for them.

The rational and sensible part of me thinks one or both of them has absolutely lost their mind. If they were fit and healthy fair play, but they're not. Have you had a frank discussion with them about what happens if one of them gets sick or has a heart attack or has a fall or gets bitten by a tropical snake? And made it absolutely crystal clear that you will not be flying out to their rescue if it all goes wrong?

Let them crack on.

I wish my dad would have done that. Instead, he died in a grotty care home at 90 with dementia. I’d rather he had died from a snake bite on a tropical island actually living a life.

They are grown adults they can do as they like. I hate infantilising older people. So what if it’s a mistake? Who says you will have to drop everything and fly out to them?

They only have a few years left. Let them do as they please.

They'll end up incapacitated in some far flung hospital, running up massive bills, and not being able to communicate with anyone. You'll end up picking up the pieces and that's if they can afford a repatriation flight.

If they plan on not seeking medical help and just fading away on the beach, then fair enough, but if this isn't how they'd plan their end, then they need to investigate just how realistic this pipe dream is. They could live another 10-15 years, but if they've experienced serious illness already then it's unlikely.

It begs the question, are they planning on 'going out' together as the sun is setting?

They are an elderly couple who have decided time is very much not on their side now so the risk of this is worth taking and won’t have a significant impact on them.

They’ve raised you, their children, and it’s now their chance for one last hurrah together.

Yes practicalities etc etc. it may / may work out as they wish but it’s down to them.

They’ve got capacity, it’s their choice.

Does the tropical island offer incomers free healthcare?

have they checked the costs of healthcare, doctors, prescriptions etc? Are they very well off? If they're loaded, let them crack on. If
not, I'd be very worried indeed.

Well they may well have decided they have had quite enough of life, don't want life extending medical intervention at their age and to see off their final moments in 'paradise'. There are worse things to happen.

Do they actually expect to see any of you again or will have a farewell party and be done with it all?

I’m in my 60’s and would actually consider this at their age.
Fly to a tropical paradise have a few days/weeks/ months enjoying myself, then when it’s all too much walk out into the sea.
What’s the alternative being kept alive but not living in the cold dark UK?

Why?

It's their money.

Or are we referring to inheritance here? Which shouldn't be expected.

In theory I'm fully in agreement with them! In practice will the country let them in?

That sounds wonderful.

Sorry to be so blunt but - if the healthcare is basic and one of them becomes ill - very few people live to 100 so why not go for quality of life over quantity?

I’m all for people having freedom of choice at any age. However , you need to be clear that if they do this they are effectively on their own and you can’t realistically get there in a crisis. Sometimes the thoughts and planning around such a huge move is not well thought out and not realistic, but a last grab at quality of life. This is understandable imo, but you have to be clear you can’t rescue them if it goes wrong.

@chelseahealyslips in agreement that it's their money and they should spend as they see fit. If the can self fund and live comfortably and have a slush fund for medical expenses etc, all well and good. It they're going to be on a basic
income with no fund for medical care, it's risky. Their problem I guess.

Will the tropical island even want them? They are adults so they can do as they see fit. What they cannot do is rely on you sorting it out if it goes wrong. Whilst the plan may be to die in paradise what if they need urgent hospital care. I would tell them this.

I would tell them my passport had ran out and you have no plans to renew so hoping they have plans for illness etc...

Well the crazy thing is they both think the UK will finish them off, they are obsessed with getting covid and flu. They are still in semi lock down and nobody is allowed to go to their house without .asks especially me as I work in health care.
I've never had covid despite working on covid ward.
The other thing is money, they are very well off and could easily afford private carers here. And we'd pull our weight too.
I don't think they have and suicidal ideation, quite the opposite.
It isn't the kind of place that loves white tourists and no it isn't Wales 😂
I've said my piece but off they are going along with all their house contents in a shipping container. They are not going in the shipping container BTW.

Don’t blame them at all! What has the Uk got to offer at the moment ? They could end up dying in a corridor in a NHS hospital like some 3 rd world country or be stuck in some crappy care home for years.

Sorry, but much help to you, but I totally take my hat off to them 🤣

Even if there's LOADS of money they're literally going to need millions with their healthcare needs

It would be £50K to get airlifted off to a proper hospital for a start

Have they done research, picked a country, found out about the rules relating to immigration, cost of living, housing, health care etc.?
Or is it a dream they're voicing?

Part of me wants to do this myself. And another part screams out how selfish and irresponsible. It’s the kind of thing my dm would do.

They are still in semi lock down and nobody is allowed to go to their house without masks

They don't sound like they've been making entirely logical decisions historically. Are they a bit nuts in general?

Good luck to them on a plane if they're still in semi lockdown mode

Are you sure they have capacity? They can mask it quite well in a familiar environment