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Original poster

How to recover from being dismissed from dream job

69 replies

christmascanfuckoff · 18/01/2025 20:13

Hello all,

Fairly certain that I will be dismissed from my dream role after a disciplinary hearing next week. I don't agree with the reasons and feel I was sat up to fail. However at this point, it's inevitable as they are clearly dotting the is and crossing the ts.
In post 21 months. I'm not sure how to recover from it- I've been suspended on full pay for just over a month. My mental health is not good and I worked so hard for this job. I've got a job to go to but it's essentially a job I did ten years ago so it's many steps down the career ladder, but I need to support my three children.
My confidence is shot, I feel a shell of who I was and I wasn't expecting it at all.
Has anyone any tips on how to come back? At 38 I feel now that is it for my career.
Thank you

OP posts:
Nessastats · 18/01/2025 20:15

You haven't been dismissed yet. Why do you think you're going to be dismissed and have you sought any legal or employment specialist advice on your situation?

Water41 · 18/01/2025 20:15

Nessastats · 18/01/2025 20:15

You haven't been dismissed yet. Why do you think you're going to be dismissed and have you sought any legal or employment specialist advice on your situation?

This.

LIZS · 18/01/2025 20:18

Is anyone accompanying you?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
VanCleefArpels · 18/01/2025 20:20

Something has cheating happened tolerate disciplinary meeting, which indicates either you are not the person for the job or the job is not for you. Why is it your dream job? Why do you think things have deteriorated to this extent?

Justsayit123 · 18/01/2025 20:21

What’s the complaint against you? Is it worth resigning before they sack you?

VoltaireMittyDream · 18/01/2025 20:22

Nessastats · 18/01/2025 20:15

You haven't been dismissed yet. Why do you think you're going to be dismissed and have you sought any legal or employment specialist advice on your situation?

Yes, you need to seek advice & advocacy if you haven’t already.

My tips for getting through this:

  • Don’t let yourself go down a rabbithole of awfulizing.
  • You need to try to be cool-headed and pragmatic, for your own good.
  • It wasn’t your dream job if it was several rungs down from where you’d like to be. Don’t let yourself turn this into a tragedy it doesn’t need to be.
  • This is a shitty experience and it’s normal for your confidence to be knocked. But that doesn’t mean anything has changed about your capabilities and competence.
  • Don’t let yourself collapse into helplessness and victimhood. This isn’t it for your career. 38 is no age at all - you’ll find something else. Start looking now.

Good luck, and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Original poster
christmascanfuckoff · 18/01/2025 20:22

I can't go into much detail as it is job specific which would be outing.

I do not believe in the reasons. No im not in a union and I have not been there two years.

In answer to the above- it is my dream role as it is an accumulation of what I've worked for in the same industry for years. It's always been an aim of mine to work for this.

OP posts:
Original poster
christmascanfuckoff · 18/01/2025 20:24

I've spoken to ACAS and unfortunately it is likely even if I resigned it would still happen anyway so I might as well try to fight it.
Just a very tough time at the moment
Thank you all

OP posts:
paddingtoncoffee · 18/01/2025 20:26

It won't be it for your career, please don't take this as trite, and hopefully you get it's coming from a supportive place, but we are all constantly learning. Maybe, you won't see it yet, but this is when you learn that the goal you were chasing isn't what you thought it was? It may, or may not be.

VoltaireMittyDream · 18/01/2025 20:26

christmascanfuckoff · 18/01/2025 20:22

I can't go into much detail as it is job specific which would be outing.

I do not believe in the reasons. No im not in a union and I have not been there two years.

In answer to the above- it is my dream role as it is an accumulation of what I've worked for in the same industry for years. It's always been an aim of mine to work for this.

So change your aims.

Don’t tell yourself a story about missed chances and blown opportunities and broken dreams. It’s just not helpful to you to do that.

You need all the energy you can muster for the hearing and whatever comes next, and you won’t have that energy if you are dwelling on the idea that this is an enormous loss you can’t come back from.

LIZS · 18/01/2025 20:28

Is it a regulated role, so the outcome could affect your prospects of continuing in the industry?

Newgirls · 18/01/2025 20:29

Spend some time writing down all the things you have done well in this time. Focus on your achievements. Go through your job description and tick the things you did do. You got your dream job and you worked hard. Be proud of yourself.

Ineedanewsofa · 18/01/2025 20:36

Was it the dream until you got there? Did you actually enjoy it, or just feel like you should because this is what ‘everyone’ in your industry/company wants? Did you think you were achieving in the role?
Not questions to answer on MN but maybe worth thinking about

PlanningTowns · 18/01/2025 20:51

The timing is interesting -clearly you were doing well as you passed probation (let’s say that was at month 6). Is it a single issue that has caused this process or has it come out of a series of things? Raised at 1:1’s and annual appraisals or come out of the blue? Are others in similar roles who have been there longer or shorter?

sadly the current rules are that below 24 months you can only go to tribunal on the grounds of discrimination, which is often challenging to prove.

have they followed their processed and procedures? If not raise a grievance. When you spoke to ACAS did they talk about mediation? Conciliation?

you say that you don’t agree with their reasons and I appreciate you don’t wish to say more, but that makes it challenging to give any advice.

so I would suggest that you check the disciplinary process and ensure that they are following it.

if you already have an alternative role that is really good news - appreciate it’s a step back, but from the little you have said the reality of this dream job isn’t really as good as it should have been.

BishyBarnyBee · 18/01/2025 20:51

If it's gone this badly wrong, it wasn't your dream job, even if it felt like it was when you started.

The thing you need to remember is, it's definitely not the end of your career. You have up to 30 years of working life ahead of you, and lots of chances to rebuild , develop your skills and move on. I know people who've changed careers in their forties, and others who've followed big public failures with great success.

It's brilliant that you have something to move to - a lot of people in your position wouldn't have that. Just focus on getting through life one step at a time.

At some point, you'll be able to look back and make sense of what happened. But that point is not now. Be kind to yourself, do what you have to do to get through the day and start building your track record in your new role. You can come out of this a stronger and better person. Your first big fuck up (or stitch up!) is often the point you start to really grow as a person.

paddingtoncoffee · 18/01/2025 21:02

PlanningTowns · 18/01/2025 20:51

The timing is interesting -clearly you were doing well as you passed probation (let’s say that was at month 6). Is it a single issue that has caused this process or has it come out of a series of things? Raised at 1:1’s and annual appraisals or come out of the blue? Are others in similar roles who have been there longer or shorter?

sadly the current rules are that below 24 months you can only go to tribunal on the grounds of discrimination, which is often challenging to prove.

have they followed their processed and procedures? If not raise a grievance. When you spoke to ACAS did they talk about mediation? Conciliation?

you say that you don’t agree with their reasons and I appreciate you don’t wish to say more, but that makes it challenging to give any advice.

so I would suggest that you check the disciplinary process and ensure that they are following it.

if you already have an alternative role that is really good news - appreciate it’s a step back, but from the little you have said the reality of this dream job isn’t really as good as it should have been.

Agree with this, I think you're already very aware that under two years service they don't need a good reason, however worth thinking through a perspective on that and how that makes you think about them as an employer

LIZS · 18/01/2025 21:07

Or something has come up recently , not been handled well, was non compliant or generated a complaint.

MN2025 · 18/01/2025 21:08

christmascanfuckoff · 18/01/2025 20:13

Hello all,

Fairly certain that I will be dismissed from my dream role after a disciplinary hearing next week. I don't agree with the reasons and feel I was sat up to fail. However at this point, it's inevitable as they are clearly dotting the is and crossing the ts.
In post 21 months. I'm not sure how to recover from it- I've been suspended on full pay for just over a month. My mental health is not good and I worked so hard for this job. I've got a job to go to but it's essentially a job I did ten years ago so it's many steps down the career ladder, but I need to support my three children.
My confidence is shot, I feel a shell of who I was and I wasn't expecting it at all.
Has anyone any tips on how to come back? At 38 I feel now that is it for my career.
Thank you

How come you have been suspended for a month and not had the disciplinary hearing yet?
yes - Christmas and that, but could have been done early January UNLESS they are investigating further.

Have you got any mitigation that you can put forward? Just prepare a statement that you’d like to read - mention how this is your dream job and that you had made a mistake that you won’t make again…. Unless it was gross misconduct.
a demotion could be another option?

I’ve demoted employees before BUT you can only do that if the trust isn’t broken….

MN2025 · 18/01/2025 21:09

It would be in the best interests of your employer to have this resolved asap as they are essentially paying an employee to sit at home…. They either need to dismiss you and start the recruitment process to replace OR bring you back into work.

whatisforteamum · 18/01/2025 21:11

Bit of me thinks you maybe a chef or work in hospitality from your username.
Do you think you've been used over the festive season.
Whatever your industry you will bounce back.

SleepPrettyDarling · 18/01/2025 21:16

The current role aside, and looking to the future, do you have anyone in your network who could coach/mentor you on a pro bono basis? Could you set up some calls with recruiters?

Original poster
christmascanfuckoff · 18/01/2025 21:27

Thank you all some very good perspectives and advice.

After 22 months it came as a surprise to be suspended. This was investigated then decided to go to disciplinary hearing which is next week- everything was positive and it genuinely was a total shock.
I think if I am honest if I was offered to return I probably wouldn't- I can't feel comfortable with them. At this point probably this new job is my best option and take one day at a time.

It's all so upsetting and has been extremely difficult especially with finances.

OP posts:
HardenYourHeart · 18/01/2025 21:40

Echoing other posters who say you need legal advise. You know what is coming, so you're in a good position to arrange it now.

Ultimately, there is no such thing as a dream job. It's just a job. You wouldn't be doing it if you weren't getting paid. It is possible to have a job you enjoy, but it's still different from a hobby. You would be doing it on your own terms if you did not have an obligation to you employer.

If you were working below you level, set up to fail and were suddenly suspended, than this job does not even sound like a good job.

Babbitbaddit · 18/01/2025 21:49

They’re trying to get rid of you before you hit the 2 year mark.

Think about what you’ve achieved in the past, have a chat to a trusted colleague/ mentor about what you’ve learnt from this job/ situation and how to avoid this situation next time. This is not the end, just a minor set back. Different people thrive in different environment. This job is not the match for you. I thinking building your confidence back up might be the hardest. Have a think about doing some career coaching if that seems to float your boat

NigelHarmansNewWife · 18/01/2025 21:51

Have you been suspended without pay?