How would you feel about this comment?

[JustCallMeEve]

My husband and I were having a general chat about the upcoming working week and I was asking innocuous questions about his plans for his business. He’d said previously that he wanted to retire but needed to ensure he had enough money with which to do so - fair enough. He then said ‘if something happened like we divorced I’d need to know I had enough to live on [as we’d spilt everything 50/50].” I feel hurt that he’s thought about it and said so. He apologised for hurting my feelings and said he was just being pragmatic. (He’s a v logical type, not emotional at all). Would you be hurt by this comment?

No different to all the comments you often get on here discouraging women from becoming sahms in case they divorce. People have to protect themselves and the divorce rate is high enough that it's a realistic possibility (although not more statistically likely than staying married).

Indeed.

My parents -late 70s -do discuss the financial impact if one dies as dads pension pays much less when it's the widows component.

So he'll be fine financially if mum dies but she will have less income if he dies first. So they need to consider availability of assets and not passing to us "kids" until the future is clear (ie who dies first)

I assume that applies to most older couples with more traditional pensions.

Women are always advised to have a plan for a divorce, I think it's fair enough.

This

It’s a thought smart people have regularly!

But you don’t say it out loud 🤣🤣

I love my husband, have no intention of divorcing him and I am in fact a hopeless romantic. I've still had the practical thoughts about what I'd do in the event of divorce or death, I'm astonished so many people think this is somehow a negative reflection on the relationship. NOT thinking about these things is weird.

But your husband has no control over you, you could decide to divorce HIM. Lots of people on here have been blindsided by spouses announcing out of the blue that they've met someone else and want to split. It doesn't mean that he thinks "One day I might want to split from JustCallMeEve", he is more likely planning of how he will cope if you say you want to separate.

I wouldn't read too much into it from that alone, I really wouldn't. It's sensible to look into circumstances that COULD happen and ensure finances are covered.

My dad died when we kids were all very young. My mum didn't see that coming either, but it happens and it makes sense to prepare for bad times as well. And hope it doesn't come to happen.

I don’t think that thinking about these things is a negative reflection on the relationship. But neither do I think not thinking about these things is weird. I accept that people have different experiences, priorities and attitudes to life, love and relationships.

Have you been to a solicitor to discuss wills, it is the kind of practical questions they ask, or has a friend/family member been dealing with divorce recently and discussing their conversations with their solicitor? perhaps he is just applying that logic to his retirement. I think him saying it out loud is more likely to indicate he doesn't have any secretive thoughts on it, unless there are other red flags.

Alright Switzerland. By your own choice to accept all views then you accept that my view is it's fucking weird and honestly if you've got kids irresponsible not to think about the possibility of worst case scenarios happening to you.

I don’t know why you feel the need to be so aggressive - but tbh that’s your problem, not mine. The fact that you think I’m ‘fucking weird’ makes no odds to me.

I would not be hurt because it is the sort of thing I would think about and yes probably say to my dh.

My husband and I have been happily married for fifteen years and I trust him more than anyone. But I still have a savings account in my own name in case things go wrong and I need to leave (amongst other negative scenarios where I might need it). He knows this and he knows why and isn't hurt by it. Maybe we're just less romantic than other people but I wouldn't be comfortable not having a contingency plan for the worst case scenario.

Everytime I read a thread on here about a cheating/abusive husband and a sahm/low paying career I mentally tick off ths things I've put in place that mean I can support myself and my dc on my own if I had to.

This has reminded me. His good friend separated from his wife a while ago now and the divorce left him effectively back at square one. I’d forgotten about that.