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Original poster

Question about sexuality when you are straight

31 replies

namesanewnow · 16/01/2025 19:34

Random and hopefully not rude and offensive to anyone here.

I am a tired parent carer so no offended intended here I am curious

I am married to a man. Like men.

Pretty sure I have a fleeting, intense crush on a female friend when I was still in primary school!

Anyway, I have been watching a TV series and the actress is a Trans Lady.

I really fancy this person and wonder if this means I am not straight after all? Or is it that my brain subconsciously knows she is a biological male?

In saying that, I definitely have a bit of a crush on Salma Hayek and feel intensely embarrassed about it because I feel very self conscious if I see her on telly!

OP posts:

Crinkle77 · 16/01/2025 23:43

Why do you need to label yourself as anything? You like who like. Is this something you'd to explore further?

Crinkle77 · 16/01/2025 23:45

Sorry just seen you're married. Are you happy in your marriage?

StormingNorman · 16/01/2025 23:48

You could be bisexual. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Ohthatsabitshit · 16/01/2025 23:49

Well your conscious knows a transwoman is a man so I’m not sure why that would make you less heterosexual, just as he would be heterosexual if he desired women.
It sounds like you are bisexual if you are attracted to both men and women.

cariadlet · 16/01/2025 23:49

If the actor is a trans woman then he's a man because only men can be transwomen.
He's probably still got his penis, most of them do.

As a previous poster said, I wouldn't worry about labelling yourself. The most important question is whether you love your DH and are happy in your marriage.

Fancying someone from the tv, whether they are male or female, is just harmless daydreaming.

No need to worry unless you start fancying someone you know in RL.

StarlightLady · 17/01/2025 07:40

I don’t know how emotions work with someone who’s trans. Are you attracted to other women as well?

What l do know is that l thought l was straight until my early 30s, when someone showed me that l had, what many would call, a bi side. Like a PP though l don’t think labels are necessary or indeed beneficial. These days l simply regard myself as “sexual” rather than “bisexual”.

OP, you might want to look up the Kinsey scale quiz to help you discover a little more.

Sherararara · 17/01/2025 07:43

Crinkle77 · 16/01/2025 23:43

Why do you need to label yourself as anything? You like who like. Is this something you'd to explore further?

This. They are just human applied labels because we humans like to categorize and organize everything.
You need to learn to be comfortable being attracted to whomever you are attracted to.

EBearhug · 17/01/2025 08:12

Does it matter? You're married, in a relationship that I assume is monogamous. So unless you're going to split up or open up the marriage, it doesn't really matter what's going on inside your head. My brain comes up with all sorts of things, I'd probably be dead or imprisoned if I tried to act on them.

I probably am bi. But basically, there are people I fancy and people I don't. It makes no difference unless they feel similarly about me, and there could be other barriers even if they do. Labels are the least thing I worry about.

MightySnail · 17/01/2025 08:41

If you love your husband it's irrelevant. I haven't fancied anyone outwith my marriage, but if I did, who cares what sex that person is? They are all off limits anyway! Just forget about it and move on.

If on the other hand your marriage is not happy, work on that. Whether you choose to stay in it or not should never be affected by which other humans you might get with in the future.

eightIsNewNine · 17/01/2025 08:56

Majority doesn't dwell on the labels so much. Being straight observes my reality, but it isn't important for my deep internal self or some kind of aspiration.

It's nice to have some additional emotions from time to time, nothing wrong about a small actor/actress crush, but it doesn't change anything in my real life.

StarlightLady · 17/01/2025 09:06

MightySnail · 17/01/2025 08:41

If on the other hand your marriage is not happy, work on that. Whether you choose to stay in it or not should never be affected by which other humans you might get with in the future.

Surely, even if you are married, to fancy someone is normal, it’s acting on it that makes the difference.

CamelsForChristmas · 17/01/2025 09:11

My honest response- I am a hetero woman. However, I have had crushes on women and can imagine I might fall for a woman one day. I believe that sexuality is quite fluid generally. I am 51, have never had sex with a woman or kissed one. All of my sexual attractions have been with men.

Starlight1984 · 17/01/2025 09:33

Is it the woman off Baby Reindeer who plays his girlfriend towards the end? 😂

user2848502016 · 17/01/2025 10:22

Does it matter? Maybe you're bisexual maybe not. If you're happy and committed in your relationship with a man then it's not relevant. It's still fine to find other people attractive.

StarlightLady · 17/01/2025 10:27

user2848502016 · 17/01/2025 10:22

Does it matter? Maybe you're bisexual maybe not. If you're happy and committed in your relationship with a man then it's not relevant. It's still fine to find other people attractive.

I think it maters from the point of you of understanding who you are. It doesn’t mean that you want to jump in bed with anyone else.

InkHeart2024 · 17/01/2025 10:28

It's not unusual to be straight and have crushes on people of the same sex. (Though your trans person is the opposite sex so)

Even straight men have occasional attraction to other men. Most of them won't admit it though.

LazyArsedMagician · 17/01/2025 15:16

There's nothing "subconscious" about knowing a male person is a man.

You like men and don't object to them looking more feminine than masculine.

Joystir59 · 17/01/2025 15:30

I'm a lesbian and have never been attracted to a trans woman because by definition I am not sexually attracted to men.

DaisyChain505 · 17/01/2025 15:52

There really is no need to spend too much time thinking about what to label yourself.

You fancy you fancy and you’re married to who you’re married to. It doesn’t matter what gentials they have.

Maddy70 · 17/01/2025 16:06

Also at school you are developing your sexuality. You are likely to find both sexes attractive until you define what that means

You can have "crushes" without it meaning anything at all of course it could just be curiosity or in fact sexual attraction. But really who cares? It doesn't matter

Choccyp1g · 17/01/2025 16:08

Wonderful goalkeeping ad in the middle of this thread. I defy anyone not to fancy him. I thought it was part of the thread and that he was actually a woman!

BlondeAmbitions · 17/01/2025 16:13

If you would want to have sex with a biological woman, kiss oral etc, then you're bi.

WynneWooza · 17/01/2025 16:14

Is it Squid Games or Baby Reindeer?

Anyway. He's a man. So you'd still he straight

BlondeAmbitions · 17/01/2025 16:16

I cant edit anymore so posting again.

Crush means what though because crush is used as a shorthand for big fan or admirer in a platonic way. Even in limerence people can have a romantic obsession without sexual desire. It boils down to whether you'd eat them out and if you dislike oral in general then if you'd have sex in whatever way you do with men with a woman.The transwoman is still a male biologically so you'd be straight.

heyhopotato · 17/01/2025 16:30

You could be pansexual, where the person's sex or gender is irrelevant to you and you just fancy a person because you fancy the person.

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