At what age does a woman move from being described as “she hasn’t got children” to “she didn’t have children”?

[Kneidlach]

A clunky question I know but this was something I was musing about today. Of course it’s directly linked to fertility and so is obvious in one sense.

But I feel like there’s a grey area. For example I think referring to a 30 year old and saying “she hasn’t got children” makes perfect sense, and referring to a 70 year old and saying “she didn’t have children” also makes sense. They are both purely statements of fact.

So when does the switch take place?! In my head it’s probably around 45, or maybe late forties. But would referring to a woman aged 45 and saying “she didn’t have children” rather than “she hasn’t got children” make sense? It feels like it would be a vague insult in a way that I can’t quite pinpoint. Perhaps as it draws attention to ageing and getting older.

I’d say around typical menopause age?

To me ‘she didn’t have children’ makes it sound like the women has already died and your talking about her in past tense.

I have a 42 year old friend who told me yesterday that she would like to have children one day.

I think once someone is over 50 it is socially acceptable to say “she never had children”.

I would think mid 50s as we live in a time where it does happen for some up until then.

Yes, I don’t think I see the two statements the way the OP does. I think I’d be just as likely to say ‘S/he doesn’t have children’ about an eighty year old. Of either sex.

Same.

Like the pp, I would say she hasn't got any children up until she died. She didn't have any children would be reserved for someone dead.

I agree. I'm not sure why you would ever say that. She doesn't have children is a simple statement of fact that can be used about anyone alive. The past tense in 'she didn't have children' suggests that she has died.

I would say it about anyone from around 40+. Something like “she never got married / had children / went to uni” if I was describing them, and / or “she travelled / trained abroad / stayed in her hometown” and so on.. I guess the majority of these life decisions are made in 20s / 30s for most people. Some will do them later in life, which I may then add ie “she never got married but she then found someone later in life”.

She never had children or didn't have children sounds like she's dead. If the woman is alive I'd always just say she doesn't have children

I'd say when she's dead.

I too would think "she didn't have children" only sounds appropriate when someone has died.

I think it is very negative phrasing. I would say he/she hasn't got children if they are still alive.

That’s really interesting. I never considered that the phrase sounds like the person has died.

In my head I can easily imagine saying it about a 60 or 70 year old who is obviously past child bearing age.

I’d say mid to late 40s

Gosh I wouldn't

I agree with all the pp's saying "she didn't have children" is for someone who is dead. If alive "she doesn't have any children/she hasn't got children".
But in general, I'd encourage you to find other ways of describing people unless asked a direct question "does she have any children", there are so many other ways to describe someone's life.
FWIW, I'd be pretty irritated by people presuming to describe me solely by whether or not I've reproduced. Because I don't have any but also did have one. Don't make assumptions.

@Kneidlach if a woman is in her 70s or 80s and gave birth to some children in her 30s or whenever then she has children.
If she didn't give birth to any then she hasn't any children because that's her life at this moment in time.
After she has died you can say she "never had any" and it sounds ok.

I agree that it's generally an obituary comment.

But it might also become appropriate when someone moves in to a residential care home for the elderly (in terms of who is NOK)

The only thing is, once you have children you always have children, even when they’re grown up. So you could still say about an 80 year old “she doesn’t have children”.

This isn't really answering your question but I can tell you that the age of 59 the question asked of me changed from " Do you have children?" to "Do you have grandchildren?" The answer to both is no. It came as quite a shock but I guess I gave to get used to it.

I understand my friends say of me "she never wanted children" rather than I didn't / dont have any.

There's also the grey area that an apparently 'childless' older woman may have given birth to children who are, sadly, not a visible part of her life, for a variety of possible reasons.

I would say 50.
Just feels a safe bet.

50.Certainly not 45!

"Hasn't got" is a fairly neutral statement. But "didn't have" (if the person is still living and you're not speaking about them as a person in the past tense) feels a bit loaded. Something to be said with pity or judgement. It's a more negative way of wording the absence of a thing.