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Original poster

Not heard back after the date

42 replies

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 13/01/2025 06:32

So, I went on a date on Saturday. I think it went well. We got a slight bump as I out of sheer nervousness and anxiety said “oooh you do give me player vibes” I said it a couple more times than was necessary. He turned to me and said “okay so I think we can just end the date here let me grab my stuff.” I went over to him and said “I’m sorry are you okay” he said “we can walk and talk” I suggested I went to hey an Uber home and he said no he would drop me off but that this would be a first and last date. We talked about it the whole journey home. Got to my house and I was very apologetic and I said I completely understand how unacceptable it was of me to keep pushing and saying it and that in hindsight I should think before I speak. He then said to me, he was sorry for over reacting. We hugged it out and kissed, we agreed on a second date. I thanked him by text for bringing me home. I then texted him yesterday afternoon around 3 ish, and I said “hi I do want to apologise properly again for what I said, I realise I offended you and it was absolutely not intentional. I’m sorry and I enjoyed the date and would happily see you again. But there is of course no pressure. Hope your day has been okay anyway.”

I haven’t heard off him since his replies are slow but never this slow. Kind of cried most of the morning feeling like I massively blew it.

OP posts:
Theresacatinmykitchenwhatamigonnado · 13/01/2025 06:41

You did, what an odd thing to repeatedly say and more than a 'slight bump'. Don't message again, let this one go and maybe don't insult people on the first (or subsequent) date next time.

BabCNesbitt · 13/01/2025 06:42

I think in this case you’re just going to have to accept that there won’t be a second date, and get back out there. What was it about him that made you say that? Perhaps you’ve had a lucky escape, if you were picking up on something.

ItFellOffAgain · 13/01/2025 06:42

He's already run for the hills.
Sorry, but you sound far too intense. You apologised and kept apologising even after he agreed to a second date.
And you've spent the morning crying after 1 date?
That's all too much for anyone

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Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 13/01/2025 06:43

BabCNesbitt · 13/01/2025 06:42

I think in this case you’re just going to have to accept that there won’t be a second date, and get back out there. What was it about him that made you say that? Perhaps you’ve had a lucky escape, if you were picking up on something.

Yeah I think the mixed message of we can go on a second date then not hearing off him was a bit like okay.

honestly. I was just super nervous and didn’t realise how stupid it was to keep saying it. On top of that I’m autistic so reading the room isn’t a thing for me.

OP posts:
Magamaga · 13/01/2025 06:43

It was an odd thing to say, especially more than once. You basically said you don’t trust him so it is wise for him to move on. Don’t contact him again as you will see stalkerish.

3rdCoffeeThisMorning · 13/01/2025 06:45

He was just being nice at the end to prevent a situation when you would cry or something imho.
Let him go and as pp said, don't insult people on a first date. Nervousness is a bitch, but saying something like that repeatedly is not ok and I would not go for second date either

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 13/01/2025 06:48

3rdCoffeeThisMorning · 13/01/2025 06:45

He was just being nice at the end to prevent a situation when you would cry or something imho.
Let him go and as pp said, don't insult people on a first date. Nervousness is a bitch, but saying something like that repeatedly is not ok and I would not go for second date either

There is always that bur why bother taking someone home and going out of your way to drop them off he lives 50 mins in the other direction. He said he dropped me home so we could talk and kissing at the end of a date seems a little pointless if you really aren’t interested? Idk.

OP posts:
LostMyLanyard · 13/01/2025 06:49

Good lord OP! What did you honestly expect after basically insulting him several times! Sort yourself out before you go on any more dates...and stop texting this guy!

CalicoPusscat · 13/01/2025 06:52

Ok, you've had a cry, time to pick yourself up and move on. It's disappointing but not the end of the world.

Why did you think he's a player?

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 13/01/2025 06:52

Being autistic doesn't mean you can't understand calling a guy you have just met a player, multiple times, is not OK. You must know by now you don't say everything you think out loud. It is exhausting but THINK before you speak is massively useful when you can't regulate yourself and gives you some control.

Crying over a first date is unregulated. You aren't ready to date. Work on yourself and boundaries before you meet someone else.

NeurodivergentBurnout · 13/01/2025 06:55

I immediately wondered if you were neurodivergent. Blurting out when nervous sounds a lot like me! (AuDHD)
I ventured back into the world of dating after being married for many years. I found almost everyone would say ‘We should do this again’ even if they don’t mean it. He did give you mixed signals dropping you home and kissing you. I think this is one you’re going to have to chalk up to experience. You came across as too intense.
I think I probably did similar when dating. Had several people cancel just before the date 🙄 but then I met someone who is not diagnosed ND but a bit socially awkward and we hit it off immediately. Don’t give up but maybe do take a step back to breathe!

SallyWD · 13/01/2025 06:56

I think it's a very strange thing to say to someone once, but you said it several times?!
Anyway, best to learn from this experience and move on. Just remember not to do this again!

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 13/01/2025 06:58

NeurodivergentBurnout · 13/01/2025 06:55

I immediately wondered if you were neurodivergent. Blurting out when nervous sounds a lot like me! (AuDHD)
I ventured back into the world of dating after being married for many years. I found almost everyone would say ‘We should do this again’ even if they don’t mean it. He did give you mixed signals dropping you home and kissing you. I think this is one you’re going to have to chalk up to experience. You came across as too intense.
I think I probably did similar when dating. Had several people cancel just before the date 🙄 but then I met someone who is not diagnosed ND but a bit socially awkward and we hit it off immediately. Don’t give up but maybe do take a step back to breathe!

I’m adhd too yes. I’m not sure I came on too strong as I said immediately after the date don’t worry about dropping me it’s out of your way I’ll get an uber it’s okay. He then insisted, and then we kissed and agreed on a second date. I mean considering I haven’t heard from him at this point I don’t think I will either it’s longer than he’d normally take to reply but I suppose it’s experience.

OP posts:
Addictedtohotbaths · 13/01/2025 07:00

Why did you say / think he was a player?

Maybe you were picking up on something?

Either way, I can see why he was massively offended.

OverthinkingOlive · 13/01/2025 07:01

Too much drama

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 13/01/2025 07:02

So, I went on a date on Saturday. I think it went well

Really? You insulted the guy several times! There is a very real possibility that he was just a nice guy who got you home safe, in the moment was ok with the idea of a second date but reflected on it and realised it wasn’t for him after that. I get being nervous but you need to work on how you handle that before insulting someone else

Original poster
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 13/01/2025 07:04

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 13/01/2025 07:02

So, I went on a date on Saturday. I think it went well

Really? You insulted the guy several times! There is a very real possibility that he was just a nice guy who got you home safe, in the moment was ok with the idea of a second date but reflected on it and realised it wasn’t for him after that. I get being nervous but you need to work on how you handle that before insulting someone else

Very true

OP posts:
CalicoPusscat · 13/01/2025 07:05

Agree with pp too intense. Bit baffled about the player thing?

Sassybooklover · 13/01/2025 07:17

Oh dear. Yep, you definitely messed that date up. Not only did you call him a 'player' once but several times. What on earth possessed you to do that?! You insulted him - more than once! He agreed to the second date merely to appease you, so he could leave the first date. You won't hear from him again - he's run for the hills. Accept you messed up, next time try to engage the brain before your mouth and put it down to experience.

LegoTherapy · 13/01/2025 09:28

Also autistic so I get you but what also stands out here is your lack of awareness regarding your safety. Please don't let a stranger drive you home. The advice is always to make your own way to and from a date until you get to know someone and always have a friend or relative know where you are going and with whom. When I was dating men would be bemused by the fact I wanted to make my own way home after a first date. They need to understand that safety is paramount.
Good luck OP. Dating is tough especially when you are ND.

Onceachunkymonkey · 13/01/2025 09:32

How many times did you say it?

TetHouse · 13/01/2025 09:38

LegoTherapy · 13/01/2025 09:28

Also autistic so I get you but what also stands out here is your lack of awareness regarding your safety. Please don't let a stranger drive you home. The advice is always to make your own way to and from a date until you get to know someone and always have a friend or relative know where you are going and with whom. When I was dating men would be bemused by the fact I wanted to make my own way home after a first date. They need to understand that safety is paramount.
Good luck OP. Dating is tough especially when you are ND.

Yes! This was what stuck out for me. OP, if you didn’t trust him, as is strongly suggested by what you said multiple times, then don’t get in a car with a complete stranger and let him drive you home!

ChristmasGrinch24 · 13/01/2025 09:40

You offended him & so he was polite but clearly has no intention in contacting you again.
Let it be a lesson learnt.

Comedycook · 13/01/2025 09:43

I think some men would have taken it as a compliment....but it was probably overkill to repeatedly say it to him. I think he overreacted slightly....but it's done now. Probably best to just leave it.

SallyWD · 13/01/2025 09:48

Comedycook · 13/01/2025 09:43

I think some men would have taken it as a compliment....but it was probably overkill to repeatedly say it to him. I think he overreacted slightly....but it's done now. Probably best to just leave it.

I dontbthink he overreacted. Imagine 8f a man kept saying something similar to a woman. She probably wouldn't want to continue with the date.

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