Not heard back after the date

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

So, I went on a date on Saturday. I think it went well. We got a slight bump as I out of sheer nervousness and anxiety said “oooh you do give me player vibes” I said it a couple more times than was necessary. He turned to me and said “okay so I think we can just end the date here let me grab my stuff.” I went over to him and said “I’m sorry are you okay” he said “we can walk and talk” I suggested I went to hey an Uber home and he said no he would drop me off but that this would be a first and last date. We talked about it the whole journey home. Got to my house and I was very apologetic and I said I completely understand how unacceptable it was of me to keep pushing and saying it and that in hindsight I should think before I speak. He then said to me, he was sorry for over reacting. We hugged it out and kissed, we agreed on a second date. I thanked him by text for bringing me home. I then texted him yesterday afternoon around 3 ish, and I said “hi I do want to apologise properly again for what I said, I realise I offended you and it was absolutely not intentional. I’m sorry and I enjoyed the date and would happily see you again. But there is of course no pressure. Hope your day has been okay anyway.”

I haven’t heard off him since his replies are slow but never this slow. Kind of cried most of the morning feeling like I massively blew it.

Get some therapy and don't go on another date until you've resolved your issues, it's all too much for date 1.

you called him a player multiple times and he seemed upset enough to need multiple apologies:

insisting on leaving you home after being so ‘insulted’ + agreeing to a 2nd date + kissing

maybe he was a player, and hoped the offence, the lift, the kissing & the guilt would be enough for an invite in to shag

I wouldn’t be that upset at not hearing from him, he’s maybe just pissed off you clocked him 😂

I agree, you picked up on something. Why would you kiss someone who’s massively insulted you.

I think this, too. Neurodivergence can’t account for all this, and particularly the OP putting herself in danger by letting a total stranger (and one she’s just affronted to the point where he’s called time on their date) drive her home, suggests someone who shouldn’t currently be dating.

You're forgetting the patriarchy here...in the society we live in, men are applauded for being confident with women and able to chat women up and have lots of encounters....they are also seen by other men as being virtually heroic. If women are like this, they are vilified by both men and women and called all sorts of dreadful names.

Obviously this guy didn't appreciate it or take it as a compliment though.

Yeah, he was just trying to get out without further drama and end the date nicely.

You won't hear from him again, move on.

So, I went on a date on Saturday. I think it went well. We got a slight bump as I out of sheer nervousness and anxiety said “oooh you do give me player vibes” I said it a couple more times than was necessary. He turned to me and said “okay so I think we can just end the date here let me grab my stuff.”

I'd have been out of there too. You said it a "couple more times than was necessary". You shouldn't have said it at all. Fine to think it and then decide not to have another date with him because you thought he was a player but not to say that to him several times.

And after that you let him take you home (which you shouldn't have done because it's not safe) and spent the whole time apologizing and talking about it. He probably just agreed to a second date to get out of there without any further discussion.

I'm sorry but you were out of order and far too intense. You've said you are autistic and can't read a room so obviously that's going to be a factor but you'll have to learn from this experience and find a way to avoid doing the same thing again.

I don't really think you should be dating if you're not in a good place. It's not normal to be crying all morning because you messed up a first date with someone. It's not the end of the world. You don't even know him. It suggests you are overinvested.

@ThePerkyCoralPoet

sorry but he isn’t interested. Stop trying to figure out why, he isn’t interested and stop contacting him. For your own wellbeing as well as his.

If he was interested he would’ve contacted and set up another date. Calling him and apologising will only put him off even more.

Plenty more fish in the sea

Yes, I acknowledge the difference but the fact is I don't think any man would take it as a compliment from a women, particularly not a woman he's on a date with. I'm 100% certain OP didn't mean it as a compliment, and obviously he knew that.

Perhaps he is ND too and dropped you home and kissed you because he was unsure how to deal with someone who had insulted him and then wouldn’t accept ending the date when he wanted to. Plenty more fish in the sea.

It's sounds very much that he was in a very awkward position with the surprise of his date behaving unpleasantly towards him and he walked you home out of decency.

Rather than clear off hastily he has you rightfully pegged as being volatile and was friendly and receptive to a kiss and a cuddle so that he could make his getaway without you turning on him.

You really can't go on a date with and start came calling when you don't even have any basis for it.

He's probably telling his mates what a nightmare date he had and how he had a lucky escape.

Learn to relax and be nice to people as people tend to respond better when they are being charmed.

Why is everyone ADHD ffs

I just want to know why @ThePerkyCoralPoet thinks he is a player, not that I'm entitled to of course

Do you have a problem with this?

If he was my son I would have advised him not to see you again.

If I was a man in that situation I wouldn't have given you a lift home for my own safety because I'd think you might say something had happened when it hadn't.

Why did you say you thought he was a player? And then why did you say it again? If you thought he was a player, why didn't you head for home?

Why does people, largely women, getting ADHD diagnoses 30 years later then they should have done (because the medical system completely overlooked different presentations of ADHD back then) and finally receiving the support and acknowledgement of their needs they deserved 30 years ago, bring all the toasters out of the woodwork?

I said it a couple more times than was necessary.
So you said it at least 3 times.

We hugged it out and kissed
What does this mean? Did you initiate the hugging and then cling to him while being upset, because it does sound a bit like that. If he could see you were upset then I think he was doing what he could to placate you, but still end the date. He sounds to me like he was polite and understanding throughout, but he doesn't want to see you again.

These things happen OP, and I'm sorry you're upset. But if you're crying over a first date, then perhaps you need to figure out why that is and work on it, because if you're getting this invested this early you are going to have a rough time.