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Original poster

Worried about my Dad,what would you do ?

39 replies

itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 13:53

My dad is 81
In good health
He wants to wallpaper his kitchen
It means standing on high ladders then a bench and it's not safe without someone holding ladders.
I said let me know when you want to do it and I can give you a hand.
He said no I don't need a hand
I said I know but I can hold the ladders
I can do any day (as I'm there daily but Sundays )
This Sunday I'm out with partner for my birthday.
He said when are you out ? I told him and he said okay il do it Sunday when your not here.

I said please can you do it any other day or I'm going to worry.
He refused and said Sunday

So now I'm not going to enjoy my birthday as il worry something bad will happen

OP posts:
Original poster
itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 13:59

Sorry for lack of punctuation
I'm rushing for the bus ha ha

OP posts:
Rocknrollstar · 09/01/2025 14:03

He obviously can’t do this. How about removing the ladders?

MissyPants · 09/01/2025 14:05

Sorry but I'd go to your dad's and cancel your Sunday plans, birthdays come and go. If he's adamant he's doing it then you wouldn't forgive yourself if he fell and got Injured. Sounds like you won't enjoy your day now anyway? I wouldn't knock either as it may startle him, do you have a key?

Original poster
itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 14:16

He's only doing it Sunday because he knows I'm going out
He has every day
He's doing it deliberately because he wants no help
It's really frustrating me

OP posts:
Original poster
itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 14:18

If I go Sunday be just won't do it

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 09/01/2025 14:19

Has he always been a cantankerous, contrary bugger?

ManchesterLu · 09/01/2025 14:19

My partner's mum is 78 and broke her foot 3 months ago due to doing something we told her she shouldn't (and we could easily have done). It's a long and difficult recovery and she is still nowhere near better. A long time in hospital, a long time completely immobile, a long time in pain - and it still carries on. It's not worth it. Tell him this please!

PiggyPigalle · 09/01/2025 14:21

If he's like my late father there is nothing you can do. Maybe fib that wallpaper is old fashioned and will de-value the house? They'd care more about that than their safety.

You have my sympathy and I'd be worried too. Having said that, the village handyman is 85, he cut all my trees and shrubs, fixed the gate lock.
Climbed the step ladder to fix a light. He had trouble locating the first rung, (like Biden on the aircraft steps) then he was up ok.
Yes, tell your dad paint adds value and get him an extendable pole, no ladders.

PiggyPigalle · 09/01/2025 14:27

A tip for next time.
Don't offer to give a hand, ask him to show you how it's done.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/01/2025 15:02

Well I guess you could tell him that you'll put him in a home if he breaks his hip? Brutal but if he's being that much of an arse he needs to understand that your availability to be Florence Nightingale is limited.

Newgolddream70 · 09/01/2025 15:05

Has he got a mate that can pop round 'unexpectedly' to see him? You could have a quiet word.

AreThereSomewhereIslands · 09/01/2025 15:13

If all other suggestions fail, is there any chance you and your partner could invite your dad along on your birthday outing this Sunday too? That'd scuttle his decorating plans for the day.

Dcbjgfdh · 09/01/2025 15:31

My Grandparents did things like this, even wallpapering the stairs and landing in their late 80s.
If he’s healthy and well and not unsteady on his feet then surely it’s not any different to anyone doing a job like that at any age.

If he wants to do it, let him. It’s patronising to think he can’t because of his age if he is in good health and steady.

Original poster
itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 16:19

He is in really good shape
Doesn't look or act he's age
He does all his own shopping etc
I just worry
I don't understand why he can't just let me hold a bloody ladder

OP posts:
Original poster
itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 16:19

@AreThereSomewhereIslands we are going for bottomless brunch a romantic spa afternoon so not really my dads things ha ha

OP posts:
shellyleppard · 09/01/2025 16:23

@itssocoldd because he is old, stubborn and always does things his way. My nan (79) used to paint her kitchen ceiling by standing on the kitchen table!!!! Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. If you distract him on Sunday he will still do it another day. Sorry for your dads stubbornness.

x2boys · 09/01/2025 16:24

Dcbjgfdh · 09/01/2025 15:31

My Grandparents did things like this, even wallpapering the stairs and landing in their late 80s.
If he’s healthy and well and not unsteady on his feet then surely it’s not any different to anyone doing a job like that at any age.

If he wants to do it, let him. It’s patronising to think he can’t because of his age if he is in good health and steady.

If he falls he's got bigger chsnce of breaking bones
The last thing je needs is a broken hip for example.

x2boys · 09/01/2025 16:27

itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 14:16

He's only doing it Sunday because he knows I'm going out
He has every day
He's doing it deliberately because he wants no help
It's really frustrating me

I hear you I have a very stubborn 82 father trying to cope alone with my disabled mum it's very frustrating.

mistyglissy · 09/01/2025 16:30

Sorry about this situation, I suspect my Dad will be the same, he still thinks he's 35 when he is 70 and already causes me a great deal of concern. I don't know what you can do except just show up when you know he's going to attempt this to help him and try and prevent any crazy stuff. My Dad shifted a fridge by himself the other week without telling me as in out of the house and to someone else's house.

DreadingWinter · 09/01/2025 16:30

My DH is 80. He's always up ladders. He loves to do wallpapering. He's fit and well and would be upset that his abilities were being questioned. He is no different from when he was younger and has two replacement hips. Let him get on with it.

Original poster
itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 16:39

Honestly he is a nightmare
He takes no notice
It's not even me trying to be bossy or controlling
I'm just trying to help and keep him in one piece
He thinks he's invincible
Going out with the dog on walks when it's icy ,running across roads ,going out on his bike in this weather
I think he has a death wish
Ive bought him a box of biscuits to take round tomorrow
Im hoping those and a bacon sandwich might convince him to let me hold that ladder

OP posts:
Original poster
itssocoldd · 09/01/2025 16:39

@DreadingWinter tbh even if it was my partner who is 40,I would still hold his ladder
It's just a bit too unsafe for anyone I think

OP posts:
ReformedLuddite · 09/01/2025 16:43

How stubborn and selfish of him. I get that he’s probably clinging to his last bits of independence but if he falls and injures himself I bet he’d be expecting you to provide care.

Octavia64 · 09/01/2025 16:45

Yeah my dad was like this,

He was up ladders changing light bulbs even while on palliative chemo and having lost so much weight he was like a skeleton,

There's no telling some people.

fivebyfivebuffy · 09/01/2025 16:48

Have you tried being more.. "ah let me come over, I could do with seeing how you do it as I want to change the bedroom/add a feature wall. I'll make bacon sandwiches and a brew and you can talk me through how you get the edges so neat/line it up, I can't do that bit"

(Can you tell I was a carer?) Grin

My dad is 75 and looks nothing like it, he's about to drive from Manchester to Newquay without blinking for a holiday