Worried about my Dad,what would you do ?

[itssocoldd]

My dad is 81
In good health
He wants to wallpaper his kitchen
It means standing on high ladders then a bench and it's not safe without someone holding ladders.
I said let me know when you want to do it and I can give you a hand.
He said no I don't need a hand
I said I know but I can hold the ladders
I can do any day (as I'm there daily but Sundays )
This Sunday I'm out with partner for my birthday.
He said when are you out ? I told him and he said okay il do it Sunday when your not here.

I said please can you do it any other day or I'm going to worry.
He refused and said Sunday

So now I'm not going to enjoy my birthday as il worry something bad will happen

Sorry, but unless he's particularly frail or disabled, I don't understand why you think he can't do this. My husband is in his late 70s, and would laugh at me if I said he needed someone to hold a ladder for him.

If you're really bothered genuinely think he's likely to fall off a ladder, hire him a mini scaffold tower to work from.

Absolutely this!

I think the difference is that this gentleman (I assume) lives alone whereas your DH doesn't. If the OP's dad fell he could be there for hours alone with broken bones or a fractured skull. Additionally, if your DH did fall he'd have you, his wife, to care for him. The OP's dad isn't really thinking that it would be unfair on his daughter to deal with the aftermath.

My DH would wait until I'm out. I often come home expecting him to be in a crumpled heap, but he's always sitting there with a cup of tea. There's nothing I can do, and I doubt you can either. They are aware of the danger, but they think they're 41.

Blimey

Grown adult man wishes to do a household task on his own and hes got his daughter fussing over him like he's an idiot

If he's of sound mind and fit and well, then you need to butt out I'm afraid.

Shortly before his 80th birthday my FIL came round to foot the ladder while DH did some work on a tree in our garden.

DH did as most of the job then came down because he didn't think it was safe to go any higher on the ladder. FIL decided he could do better. I looked out to see FIL above the height of our guttering with DH imploring him to come back down 🙈

Luckily my DF isn't a fan of ladders so got a handyman to paper the hall and stairs. He's pretty quick to try most other DIY though and if you turn your back he'll start topping up the air pressure in your tyres with a foot pump!!

Wallpaper in the kitchen???? Nuts! All the steam whilst cooking will ruin it in no time.

If he is anything like my dh, there is no way you’re going to stop him doing those things.
He didn’t think it was an issue when he was 40yo. He still wont think it’s an issue now he is 80yo.

I suspect he now wants to PROVE to you he can do it on his own.
Next time I’d say ‘yes ofc’ and then ensure you’re around when he is doing it.

FIL was stubborn like this. Until predicted and avoidable disasters struck then straight on the phone. It created a lot of bad feeling and tainted relationships as they aged and the problems got bigger. Utterly selfish.

My Dad fell off ladders painting the living room. He was 85. He's now 88 and talking about sorting the gutters on their two story house. He was incredulous at the suggestion that he was too old for that.

He has dizzy spells and a benign tumour in his hip area. He can hardly use stairs without assistance but seems to think it will be fine. The denial of his age and capabilities makes me sick with worry.

@ginasevern

He does these things when I'm not here too! And if he's daft enough to fall and break something, he cannot rely on me to do anything except point out, roughly 17 times a day, that it was bound to happen.

I do, being serious, take your point, but as others have said, you can't stop adults (of sound mind) doing things they want in their own homes.

I don't think you can just put someone in a home if they don't want to go.

This

Well the bacon sandwich has worked
He has agreed to do it next week when I'm there
He says I'm crazy but if it stops me worrying and "nagging" he will wait