Mum started to behave weirdly and has bizarre beliefs

[DaniGreen]

Hi,

I'm turning to you because I've grown concerned about my mum, since her behaviour and beliefs have become quite strange lately. She's in her mid 60s. Here's a few of the highlights:

• She used to be very much against using pharmaceuticals for almost anything, often telling me how bad and untrustworthy they can be. She'd almost never take one for a headache or when feeling bad. Now, she started taking them even when she feels just slightly under the weather; she says that she doesn't has the time to get ill.
• She used to take time for a proper meal during her lunch break, now she'll often just skip it, or eat some unhealthy fast-food or crisps.
• She's otherwise become quite neglectful regarding her own health: she's been coughing on a daily basis for around a month and refuses to see a doctor; I warned her that using metal utensils to pick stuff from a teflon frying pan can release toxins from the coating that then get into the food, which can have serious negative health effects, yet she continues to do it.
• At her place I had a door stopper in shape of a duck, that she wanted back, when I took it to my place. She also knows that I tend to have security cameras in the properties where I live, and she's adamantly against having one at her place, to the point of getting really mad if I mention installing one. At the time when she requested the duck back, I also found out that she thought that I had a concealed security camera in it.
• She's kind of Christian (goes to a well-known pilgrimage site regularly, does her own prayers, but doesn't attend church), yet she also believes that Jesus might be an alien from another planet (she watches a lof of alien docs on History channel etc.). If you're willing to worship an alien, doesn't that then mean you're pretty desperate, entirely lost your hope in humanity?
• Her moods can fluctuate quite a lot day to day; from joyful, happy, to angry, irritated.

I've spoken about some of this with her already, yet she dismissed my concerns as nothing to worry about. I'd very much welcome your thoughts and advice on this.

Regards,
Dani

She's an adult and not hurting anyone leave her alone.

Most of those I would not even consider to be weird beliefs TBH.

Some of these sound like issues you have about how people “should” be and behave and some sound like your mother.

It might do you some good to separate your issues out from hers because you have far more chance of addressing those than influencing change in your mother.

Also is mid sixties elderly these days?

You know her best and know what her normal is, so I guess you have seen a change. There is nothing there to get too worried about I feel so just bide your time and see how she goes - maybe not challenge her ands just wit and see.

She sounds completely normal.

To me, she sounds fine, but you sound odd.

Gently OP, she sounds quite normal except for the alien Jesus thing. I think it sounds like you're a bit overcautious or anxious with the teflon pan thing, and you shouldn't mention security cameras to her more than once- it's really very very normal not to want them, you shouldn't try and convince her.

Mid 60s is not elderly, I suggest you ask for this to be moved to chat.
BTW your mum sounds fine.

I understand that people don't want security cameras, but why would she want the duck if she thinks there's a concealed security camera in it? Tha's the bizarre part.

Also the frying pan coating can be very hazardous, if damaged. It's not for nothing that you're supposed to use wooden utensils for it.

Moved where?

Your mother isn't elderly.
She hasn't even retired yet.
Nothing you've said about her sounds odd.

You do seem to have some quite fixed ideas yourself, though:

"I warned her that using metal utensils to pick stuff from a teflon frying pan can release toxins from the coating that then get into the food, which can have serious negative health effects, yet she continues to do it"

Come off it. It's up to her if she disregards your warning.

I’m wondering why you took her duck door stop more to be honest? That is very strange to me? I’d love a duck door stop though it sounds great maybe that is why you took it. But your insistence she does things a certain way and your lack of respect/boundaries around taking her property are still the issues I’d be most concerned about from the ones you raised.

To Chat. This is Elderly Parents.

Your mum sounds like she is getting on with her life. You do sound a bit odd yourself though.

BTW @DaniGreen can you use the quote function when you're replying. Thank you. It's the first option on the left at the bottom.

She's an older woman and this is category looked like the closest one. I'd move this to chat, but I don't see an option to do this anywhere.

Why did you take the duck back?

Also, where did you get it as it sounds great

Okay, so you report your own OP and ask them to move the thread to Chat.

None of that sounds weird or bizarre!

Because the duck door stop is mine, I left it there just temporarily.

And she wants it back? Even though she thinks there might be a hidden camera in it?
That does sound a bit odd.

She sounds pretty normal to me( I'm 63) you however OP sound a bit fixated-

Also worth mentioning is that she's become very very sensitive, like even when I answer her questions, in a normal, courteous tone, e.g. "I'm going to do X, just that I'm busy with other things at the moment.", she somewhat taken aback and says that there's no need for me to get upset. And I'm not even upset. Likewise when I ask her fairly normal questions like "When will you be able to do X?", again in a normal, courteous tone, she again gets miffed and retorts with the "upset accusation".
I used to live very far away for many years now, and now I've moved much closer to her, and beforehand she wasn't like this.

Well if you have real concerns about her then you can ring the doctors surgery and next time she goes for something theyll gently investigate a bit. But what you've written here is not sufficient and just makes you sound a bit batshit.

Otherwise, reduce communication and step away if you don't like how she is but we're fine with more sporadic contact before

Mid 60's isn't elderly.