Mum started to behave weirdly and has bizarre beliefs

[DaniGreen]

Hi,

I'm turning to you because I've grown concerned about my mum, since her behaviour and beliefs have become quite strange lately. She's in her mid 60s. Here's a few of the highlights:

• She used to be very much against using pharmaceuticals for almost anything, often telling me how bad and untrustworthy they can be. She'd almost never take one for a headache or when feeling bad. Now, she started taking them even when she feels just slightly under the weather; she says that she doesn't has the time to get ill.
• She used to take time for a proper meal during her lunch break, now she'll often just skip it, or eat some unhealthy fast-food or crisps.
• She's otherwise become quite neglectful regarding her own health: she's been coughing on a daily basis for around a month and refuses to see a doctor; I warned her that using metal utensils to pick stuff from a teflon frying pan can release toxins from the coating that then get into the food, which can have serious negative health effects, yet she continues to do it.
• At her place I had a door stopper in shape of a duck, that she wanted back, when I took it to my place. She also knows that I tend to have security cameras in the properties where I live, and she's adamantly against having one at her place, to the point of getting really mad if I mention installing one. At the time when she requested the duck back, I also found out that she thought that I had a concealed security camera in it.
• She's kind of Christian (goes to a well-known pilgrimage site regularly, does her own prayers, but doesn't attend church), yet she also believes that Jesus might be an alien from another planet (she watches a lof of alien docs on History channel etc.). If you're willing to worship an alien, doesn't that then mean you're pretty desperate, entirely lost your hope in humanity?
• Her moods can fluctuate quite a lot day to day; from joyful, happy, to angry, irritated.

I've spoken about some of this with her already, yet she dismissed my concerns as nothing to worry about. I'd very much welcome your thoughts and advice on this.

Regards,
Dani

Perhaps you are just pissing her off now you are around more?

You do sound a bit 'this is the correct way'.

Do you have strong views on things like healthy eating? Perhaps she's always eaten like this but you just didn't know? Or perhaps get appetite has gone or she can't be bothered making meals.

On the other end she perhaps is worried about her health but doesn't want to admit it. Could you take a different tack in trying to raise it gently with her but give her a bit of space first as she's obviously not ready.

So she’s about my age, still working but you think she’s elderly and batty?

Nope, I’m on Team Mum and you sound insufferable and a ‘know it all’.

I have to agree with her that Jesus is more likely to be an alien than the son of god, seeing as God doesn't exist and in an infinite Universe, alien life forms seem far more likely. 😂

This is just what I was going to say, as a woman in her 60’s.

Your beliefs about Teflon are weird and more importantly, totally incorrect.

I think you're probably just noticing more about her personality given that you are now seeing her more frequently. There is nothing in what you have written that would concern me about her mental or physical health.

None of your mum's beliefs sound weird in the slightest. What's it got to do with you what she eats for her lunch or whether she takes a fucking paracetamol? Good grief.

You genuinely sound a lot more weird than her. I'd find you insufferable if you started scaremongering about non-stick pans or badgering me about putting security cameras on my property. Leave the poor woman alone ffs.

I wouldn't go to the doctor if I'd just been coughing for a few weeks. I coughed for at least that long after I had a chest infection and all advice was that it was pretty normal.

The Jesus/alien thing is no weirder than any other religious belief.

Keep a eye on my dad started like this and was recently DX with Alzheimer's,,changes in behaviour can sometimes be a indicator.

So she's been living very own life independently for years while you lived far away, and now you've come home and are policing everything she does, even the way she uses her frying pan?

I'd be over sensitive too. Leave her alone, for goodness sake. She managed perfectly well without you standing over her shoulder and watching what she eats.

My DD (28, not the least elderly) says this to me sometimes (I'm mid 60's). If I express annoyance she will mutter 'all right, no need to get mardy!'

I am not even aware that I sound the least mardy, but she's quite sensitive to criticism, real or implied. Maybe your mum is like this, OP. But it's not age related.

She sounds okay to me.

I agree - 63 is not elderly and my DH who is that age would be extremely offended if you described him as such! You sound very over invested in her behaviour, surely it's up to her what pan she uses. I believe in lots of stuff other people would find wierd but I doubt my DD's would be carting me off to the GP because of it. Sounds like maybe you just rub each other up the wrong way especially if you've lived away and then moved back nearer. Does she have any health or mobility issues that mean she needs extra help? If not maybe just gently back off a bit.

Tbh you sound the weird one; your teflon ideas, security cameras, taking a door stop.

This.
Your average can’t give a fuck post menopausal woman.
Quite weird to try and police what your mum uses to cook with, or if she takes a paracetamol. She’s in her sixties, not in her dotage and needing care !

reverse

I’m not much younger than your Mum and have a child still at school. If one of my dc started to try and boss me about and police my intake of crisps I would not take it well... Nothing about your Mum sounds at all “weird”.

As a 60+ year old, if my daughter appeared back on the scene and started implying I was demented and elderly I’d be pretty pissed off. And wanting to install security cameras in my home would just about send me over the edge.
Are her replies to you made through gritted teeth?

And, OP, given the nasty bugs going around at the moment, just about EVERYONE has been coughing for a month or more. There's nothing to be done, except keep warm and time. The taking paracetamol, maybe she's getting a few twinges of arthritis or other aches and pains, and so she takes a painkiller every day to keep these at bay.

I opened this thread expecting it to describe somebody descending into a psychotic breakdown, believing the people on TV were talking to her, thoughts being inserted into her head via radio waves etc. Instead, I'm surprised to see that she's not ill whatsoever. The most worrying part is your own wish to put security cameras in her home. This sounds paranoid. She hasn't had them before and she's been alright. I wouldn't want them in my home. They would create a bad vibe.

I'm adamant about not having security cameras within my house, too. Recording them is an infringement of the privacy of my visitors in my opinion, and I hate visiting people who have them.

If my DD tried to persuade me, I'd be very robust in my argument. The fact that you push it so hard doesn't make her suspicion that you put one in the duck seem that paranoid to be honest.

Most of these seem to be non issues or your issues

I can see both sides - your concern for what you see as unexpected changes in her personality including the belief in aliens and her changes in habits, beliefs, etc as she goes through another phase in her life.

She might be in pain, exhausted, in the stage of 'women of a certain rage', questioning her pervious beliefs, habits and in a state of no longer caring as much about things as she used to, like eating well or never taking medication.

It reminds me of this poem:
WARNING (I SHALL WEAR PURPLE)
Jenny Joseph
When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple
with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
and run my stick along the public railings
and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
and pick the flowers in other people's gardens
and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
and eat three pounds of sausages at a go
or only bread and pickles for a week
and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
and pay our rent and not swear in the street
and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

However, it does sound like she has changed and I think I would be concerned. I am not sure what I would do with that information though.

Hardly

Of that list I have to agree the frying pan one is the weirdest but that is your belief. Not yours.

I used to live very far away for many years now, and now I've moved much closer to her, and beforehand she wasn't like this.

Many years have passed since you saw her? Of course she's changed. We all do, and I'd say that I've changed more in the last decade or so (I'm in my late 60s) than I did in other stages of life. Menopause and just generally having a different perspective on life as one approaches or achieves retirement, makes a big difference.

Further regarding the security camera: I didn't push it onto her at any point, nor did the duck contain any hidden camera, it was merely mum's suspicion that there was one. Please take care to read my posts properly.

I didn't police her cooking methods either, I merely informed her that this can be hazardous. What's worrying is that she doesn't seem to care about her health. She's got a wooden spoon that she can easily use instead.
Those of you who don't believe the dangers here, please read this: https://www.simplyrecipes.com/is-it-safe-to-use-scratched-nonstick-pans-7480071

Yes! Agree