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Original poster

Do you still drive even though you have caused an accident?

49 replies

ResponsibleDriver · 09/01/2025 07:48

Hi, please be gentle with me as I am feeling very fragile mentally and physically.

I was involved in a car accident this week. I didn't notice a car in front had stopped to make a turning until a bit too late - very low sun and I was looking past him for my turning but completely and utterly my fault. I slammed on my breaks and did hit him but had slowed to I think around 15 mph by the time I did.

The car behind me had no time to react and she went into the back of me at 40. She was sore from the airbags but thankfully nothing more severe.

I really feel like I can't ever drive again. I am the reason people were hurt. My teenager was in the car with me and the thought of what could have happened to them or the other drivers has honestly kept me awake for hours upset every night since.

Has anyone ever made the decision to never drive again?

I just feel like if I can't drive properly 100% of the time I shouldn't do it at all given what is at stake.

OP posts:

Dearg · 09/01/2025 07:54

Well its not great that you hit the car in front due to inattention, but the driver behind was at fault for hitting you for the same reason, so it’s not your fault that she got hurt by her own airbags.

Accidents do happen, as we are human. Perhaps try to book some refresher lessons? And make sure that when you are driving that you have few distractions, clean windscreen, no loud music, etc.

I have not been in your position, but have been hit from behind, also at low speed. It did not occur to me that the driver behind should be off the road permanently.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 09/01/2025 07:56

You didn't cause ALL the accident. You are only responsible for your bit. The woman behind you caused the other bit of the accident, because she hadn't left sufficient distance between you and or she wasn't paying attention.

(I was you, in a similar situation, where I stopped in time but the car behind hit mine. V low speed so only cars were hurt. I've also been the one that didn't stop in time, unfortunately.)

Your reaction is a bit extreme. Does your work offer an employee assistance programme that you can access? It might help to talk to someone.

Ineffable23 · 09/01/2025 07:58

The car behind you was entirely at fault for hitting you - they should have left enough space both their reaction distance and their braking distance. Clearly you were at fault for the first part of the accident though. Make sure you don't take responsibility for the entirety of the cost as the damage from hitting a car at 15mph will be much lower than from 40mph.

How long have you been driving for? Has this happened before?

I have never had a car accident and I do think people who have had car accidents generally need to take more care when driving, as for most of the drivers I know who have had accidents it hasn't been a surprise to me when they have told me they have had one. But I don't generally think they need to stop driving.

Biiiii · 09/01/2025 07:58

I just feel like if I can't drive properly 100% of the time I shouldn't do it at all given what is at stake.
I think that is a sensible view and I wish more drivers thought the same but often they carry on out of practicalities (eg rural, work) or out of ego and denial. Like, they killed someone but back to driving again or drink drive.. so just bear in mind some people telling you they would continue might not be ones you'd approve of if you only knew how they really are IRL.
I know a couple of people who gave up driving because of accidents or scary near misses.

You could take a big break from driving and assess how you feel in a few months if your lack of attention is due to particularly stressful circumstances but if you tend to zone out and day dream on the regular then stopping permanently is the best option.

Original poster

ResponsibleDriver · 09/01/2025 08:02

I was late to driving due to living in cities and not needing to drive so I have only been driving a couple of years. Never had an accident before.

OP posts:

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/01/2025 08:03

It’s a very normal response to not want to drive again, but it’s a trauma response not a rational one. It’s very human to want to avoid situations that have scared us. I’d give it a week or two for your system to settle back down and if you’re still feeling that way maybe seek some counselling support.

Enko · 09/01/2025 08:08

I felt similar after an accident that was not my fault (or the.van ) it was due to ice and I skidded. I struggled to get back behind the wheel. I did with some slow country drives and dhs.support and it has made me a better driver.
I get less concerned about people behind flashing annoyed if I take it more carefully. I have been shown right a few times too with slowing down.
My accident was 25 years ago and I have not been in once since.

Original poster

ResponsibleDriver · 09/01/2025 08:08

Thanks for everyone's replies.

I get that it's an extreme view but I can't shake the feeling that it could have been so much worse for everyone.

The driver behind hitting me - I do feel like she should have had a bit more of a gap but I think the sun was affecting her too.

OP posts:

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 09/01/2025 08:09

Lots of people have accidents when they first start driving but then never have another one. It will make you a better driver. Obviously better not to have an accident in the first place but it sounds like the woman behind was just as much at fault.

Pigeonqueen · 09/01/2025 08:10

The person behind you crashing was not your fault. I was always taught to look way ahead to see what’s coming up - she should have seen the car in front of you slowing down, not been just relying on your own reaction. We all make mistakes when driving, no one is perfect. You were just unfortunate but it wasn’t a terrible crash. You just have to put it behind you and crack on. (I’ve been driving 15 years, one accident similar to yours).

LordEmsworth · 09/01/2025 08:14

Someone going in to the back of you, is 100% not your fault. Let go of that one.

The other - accidents happen, you'll take more care in the future and leave more space. You will learn from it and become a better driver as a result. You didn't cause an accident through being reckless or not caring, you do care... so you should absolutely drive again and learn from the experience.

It could have been worse. It wasn't. That's something to be grateful for, not assume that next time will be worse

Original poster

ResponsibleDriver · 09/01/2025 08:14

Maybe it's a bit too soon but I just can't ever see myself driving again and certainly not with my kids in the car.

OP posts:

Ohmych · 09/01/2025 08:15

I've had an accident caused by sun. I was just approaching a national speed limit road with no pull in areas and the sun completely blinded me. I was checking my mirrors behind me to see if I could stop without causing an accident and I ended up across the whole carriage way into a hedge. Thankfully it was early enough to not be busy or I could have caused a bad accident for someone else. I wrote the car off so didn't drive for a while and when I did again I was terrified. It took a long time for the anxiety to stop. I'm ok now. So it just needs time for you to start feeling better about driving.

Original poster

ResponsibleDriver · 09/01/2025 08:17

It has been helpful to hear others views on the driver behind me. I feel really unfair when I wonder if she should have reacted faster r left more of a gap. Not sure why I can't give myself that same grace though!

Sat here very sore thinking this is karma in some way and that is clearly not helpful.

OP posts:

Soñando25 · 09/01/2025 08:21

Please do not be too hard on yourself, OP. Accidents happen, That's why we have insurance after all and no one is perfect.
Just build up your confidence again and make a conscious effort to pay extra attention and you'll be ok.
From the other side of the fence, I've been involved in a very serious accident in which my car was totally written off. It was completely the fault of the other driver, but I didn't blame them. No one sets out to cause an accident, it's human error, ( if drugs or drink involved that's different of course)

HollyBollyBooBoo · 09/01/2025 08:25

So sorry this happened to you and totally understand how you feel. Get back to driving as soon as you can, the longer you leaving the bigger the fear and anxiety will become.

myplace · 09/01/2025 08:25

It’s impossible to avoid all accidents. They happen. I’ve had a couple of 50/50s, and a no fault that wrote my car off.

Low impact accidents hurt cars, not people- cars are really safe now for the people in them. High speed accidents are obviously worse, but easier to avoid. Leave big gaps, don’t get impatient and cross, when in doubt back off.

Your confidence will rebuild with time and practice. You learn to focus on the right thing- in this case, the visibility not the turning.

Pedestrian or cyclist accidents are a different story, of course.

Visibility is a huge factor people underestimate. Always keep your windscreen pristine, have sunglasses available and use the sun visor in the car. When you realise there’s a light issue, back off so you have more space.

Doingmybest12 · 09/01/2025 08:29

It's only a couple of days since this happened, it may well be something you think about time to time but hopefully you'll learn from it and move on and get this in context. Your daughter does not need to experience you giving up following this or taking on board your anxiety about driving. Mistakes happen in life, thank goodness this was not catastrophic. Do something to regain confidence and be more cautious. There would be some circumstances that would mean I'd give up, but this scenario isn't one of them..

Holu · 09/01/2025 08:29

Why not take a defensive driving course? I think upping your skills will give you the confidence to get back out there. It's tough learning to drive later in life and I do think all young people should learn as teens but it doesn't mean you can't do this safely.

AppropriateAdult · 09/01/2025 08:33

Driving in low winter sun is horrible; even with sunglasses and the visor down it can really affect visibility.

This was a low-impact accident with no serious injuries, one of many thousands that will occur this year. I think it would be a real pity to give up driving because of it. I've had a couple of near misses over the years, and try to rationalise the anxiety that comes with those by telling myself that I'm a better driver because of them, as I'm much more wary of similar situations afterwards. You will be more cautious going forward, and are unlikely to make the same mistake again.

Startinganew32 · 09/01/2025 08:34

It’s a totally normal reaction but you will feel better in a few days and will be able to drive again. I don’t know what sort of exchange went on at the scene but did the other two drivers blame you for all of it? Because you’re only to blame for hitting the car directly in front which you said was at low speed so I’m presuming no injuries. The woman behind you didn’t even slow down at all so anyone being injured would have been her fault.
One thing that might help is looking at reports of accidents in the local paper and thinking that all of those involved a person being at fault somehow, not slowing down, being blinded by the sun, being distracted.
The sun thing is horrible by the way. Sometimes it literally is so bright that you can’t see anything.

TorroFerney · 09/01/2025 08:36

ResponsibleDriver · 09/01/2025 08:08

Thanks for everyone's replies.

I get that it's an extreme view but I can't shake the feeling that it could have been so much worse for everyone.

The driver behind hitting me - I do feel like she should have had a bit more of a gap but I think the sun was affecting her too.

You are just going through a normal reaction, it could be you’d fallen off your bike or your horse and you’d be feeling the same. Sit with the feeling, it will recede.

candycane222 · 09/01/2025 08:38

Agree with pps, as a newish driver I made several mistakes leading to dings, one involving another car, though luckily no-one was hurt in any of them. That was 40-50 years ago and im still driving!

Low sun on wet roads is a real menace. Near me iirc someone was acquitted of dangerous driving even though the accident was fatal, because they were blinded by this. Get some good polarising sunglasses and keep them in the car. Learn from this to leave a bigger gap than most other drivers (who generally leave too little). This will make you a better driver (and better than many others)

And in the meantime do some breathing exercises to lower your physical anxiety levels which should hopefully interrupt the rumination .

Parky04 · 09/01/2025 08:41

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 09/01/2025 08:09

My DS had an at fault accident 2 weeks after passing his test. 5 years later, he hasn't had another. Sometimes, an accident actually makes you a better driver.

I've been fortunate that in 35 years, I've never been involved in an accident. I've had a few near misses, though (one yesterday, which would have been my fault if we collided). I just learn from my mistakes.

EBearhug · 09/01/2025 08:41

Holu · 09/01/2025 08:29

This.

Many drivers on the road, including good ones, will have been involved in accidents in the past. Every driver will have been in a situation where half a seconds difference would have meant they would have been in an accident. It's part of driving.

Don't give up, bit if you're really not sure about driving by this time next week, then do book a refresher lesson or something to get your confidence.

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