Advice on how to handle- dds housemates at uni want to out heating on overnight

[Thethingswedoforlove]

How can we convince them that it really isn’t cheaper to keep the house at a constant temperature?! They want to have it on at a ‘low’ temp of 17 degrees! It’s a huge house with 6 people and most students don’t even have it on during the day let alone at night. I’m at my wits end. How can we afford that bill? I told her that she should say that those that want it on overnight need to pay and she won’t pay a share of that but clearly that is a bit confrontational and doesn’t lend itself to harmonious living. How can we convince them?! It is utterly nuts. Some are saying things like my dad knows about heating bills and it is def cheaper etc.’

Not sure if you have read my posts but my dd has asked for my advice. So of course I have given it to her. She is concerned about the costs and that was driven by my concerns. But as I have already stated I have subsequently let her know I will help to support her with the additional bills if she chooses to prioritise her friendships within the house. I genuinely hadn’t realised so many people do keep the heating on overnight and that it is a difference of views. And honestly these students are adults but they are just navigating their way in the world and when they look for help and support as a parent o choose to provide it. There was no dictating by me or any parent at any point and I can definitely see that my dd has to suck up the shared costs in a shared house.

We have oil so I'm not sure if that's different but I've never heard of anyone having theirs on overnight. Not saying it's wrong it's just not something I'm used to, growing up we had oil too but switched to gas and parents definitely don't leave theirs on overnight. Interesting.

People like to believe/parrot the myth because it results in them being warmer.

Strangely they are less likely to believe it if they are actually paying the bills.

I'm so very glad I went to university when not just the comfortably off people could afford to go, or I wouldn't have been able to go. It was hard enough as it was.

Pre central heating the majority of Universities were for men, and the marriage bar meant that a woman was expected to give up her job when she got married. As well as wear a cap indoors.

It's 2025 though. We have central heating, women can have abortions and get a mortgage and don't need to wear a deerstalker in bed.

I know. Just think how lucky we are. NB my boiler broke down the week before Christmas. It is being replaced today. That's 21 days without heating and no hot water upstairs (borrowed people's showers, went to my gym/pool, stayed with DD several days). The temperature except in the room where I am just now, is 6 degrees. I am not wearing mittens (though I have a pair - but I've mislaid them) but have got a heated blanket, plus fleecy leggings, jogging bottoms, thick socks, and three layers of jumpers. Once the boiler is fitted and going I will certainly be leaving the heating on day and night for several days, to warm the house up (it has not reacted well to being so cold). Thinking about putting on my bobble hat, but I draw the line at wearing my coat!

Because mine is 'on overnight' and what that equates to in reality is that on a night like last night which dropped to -4c, it kicked in four times for about ten minutes to keep the house at 17c.

Exactly. I rarely meddle with the heating settings and have mine the same as yours, occasionally I boost during the day if it's particularly cold.

@Theboymolefoxandhorse thank you. I am always perplexed by the ‘they are adults and why are parents in any way involved’ line. They don’t go from being children at school to suddenly all knowing adults when they start uni life. I can see my dd growing in wisdom and independence and it’s lovely. But sometimes she wants additional input and I am happy to help her.

Oh god. Glad it’s being sorted, in that case yes, definitely wear a hat indoors!

@Thethingswedoforlove DS has the opposite problem his house share in final year is with 4 northern men in the north of England. They have agreed they won’t put the heating on at all!! He says his clothes come out of his wardrobe feeling cold and almost feel wet. But they all have to be hard men and freeze.

Meanwhile they all have electric blankets and other fluffy blankets. Its complete madness!!

My heating is on all the time at 17. If I turn the heating off the house quickly gets cold and takes ages to heat up again. So I would go with constant heating. Also isn't it up to your daughter to resolve with her flatmates.

I am surprised that so many people here think heating should be on overnight. I feel the cold and will keep the heating all day in this cold weather, but do not need it on overnight when in bed under a warm duvet. I am uncomfortable if the heating is on overnight.

thank you. I am always perplexed by the ‘they are adults and why are parents in any way involved’ line.

OP you did complain about other students' dads getting involved, when they asked their dads for advice in the same way your daughter came to you.

I wouldn’t want the heating of at night - when my son was at uni they had it at a constant 17 or 18 I think all through the winter and turned it off in the summer. Some of our medical students work as healthcare assistants in the holidays or on days off - on the local hospital bank. Maybe something your DC can look into to support bill paying.

The NHS recommends bedrooms to be kept between 16 to 20 degrees in winter IIRC.

a quick google search seems to suggest that 18 degrees is commonly regarded to be best by many. 17 would therefore seem quite sensible, wouldn’t it?

it certainly doesn’t seem extravagant or particularly excessive.

Fair point. I did and I didn’t like it because I didn’t agree with them. Noted. All students should be able to consult their parents and clearly we all have different perspectives on things!

Managing energy bills is not easy in shared student accommodation. One of our DCs, in a house share of 4, wasn't allowed to use the dishwasher because one of her four housemates vetoed it on the basis that it was extravagant - despite the other three claiming that washing up by hand was both more energy intensive and a silly waste of their time.

Not having go at you but a few people have said similar things - am I the only one who thinks it’s OK for parents to support their kids through university? Particularly for an intense course like medicine which (for friends of mine anyway) was a 9-5 course.

Is the cost f utilities not included in their rent? It’s usually the case unless they opted out.

I rarely have my hearing on overnight, could they not compromise and set it a bit lower over night, they don't need it on 17 at night in my opinion. 14/15 so the air isn't cold.

See the slightly nerdy question of which is cheaper - 'constant low temp' vs 'run it intermittently' - is very much my day job and I've got data on hundreds of homes looking at this.

Unfortunately all that tells me is it's not possible to give a simple answer without knowing how good the insulation of the home is, what it is built from (because some building fabrics store heat well) and how the home is heated (a heat pump will be much more efficient and cheaper if run constantly).

Practical tests are good but if you want to do them properly remember the external temperature is a hugely significant factor in how much heat you'll require and because it varies a lot week by week you need to compensate for that by using degree days in your calculation.

All that said, actually it looks like this is really a conversation about how to help OP's daughter navigate adult relationships and responsibilities and there's lots of much more relevant advice upthread that I'll be squirrelling away for when my DC are young adults 😀

I am an 83 year old widdow, live alone in a three ed semi detached home. During the cold spell I have the heating on in the living room, hall nd bathroom all day at 18degress. I switch the bedroom radiator on at 7.00 p.m, the house is warm enough. I do heat the other rooms occasionally to keep damp away.

Why are you even getting involved, OP? Your daughter is an adult - she needs to work this out for herself.

@Thethingswedoforlove thank you. Yeah, I know she did ask for advice. I just can't really see what you can do in regards to the others and their temperature needs. You sound like you're very caring and sensible.
I guess if the majority want it on then that's the way it has to work. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to move out over it. At least the heating actually works I guess?

Why do some people think that these 'independent adults' who are totally reliant on their parents as they refuse to get a part time job (so are not independent) should make their own decisions regarding bills.

I remember when I was a student, in the days that accommodation was free, but even then my parents had a say in things like cars and insurance etc as until I was working they paid for it! Ditto food shopping, I'd of course have preferred M&S or meals out every night but the one thing a student has to learn quickly is you cut your cloth.