Partner working away

[Mowglimonkey]

My DH is working away next week. In all the time we've been together (7 years) we've probably spent 4/5 days apart.

I feel so anxious about the thought of him being away for the whole week. The last time he had to work away he was only gone 2 nights and I was so bloody anxious. In fact I was that anxious I could barely eat!

I've lived alone before, I was on my own for about two years before we lived together. When he's away I won't be alone our two teens will be here, I just know I'll work myself up about this while he's away.

How do I stop myself getting so worked up about it? I've planned a meal out one evening, invited a friend over another evening. I'll be at work in the daytime anyway.

I know there are bonuses to this. I can watch what I want on TV. The house will be much tidier and I'll have less of his mess to tidy up!

If your DH works away how do you cope with it?

Mine does.

You have teens at home with you - so it’s not about being home alone.

So - can you put your finger on what your exactly anxious about?

I think it's just that fact he won't be here. I do suffer with anxiety and I probably rely on him being here to keep me on an even keel.

I coped perfectly well when I lived alone with DC - in fact I got to quite like it. I have no idea why I feel so het up about it.

My DH is going away later on today and my anxiety is through the roof. How do I stop this?
I keep rationalising with myself I'm at home with the children, my days will be the same other than I won't see DH for a few hours in the evening after work.

I've got a knot in my stomach. I feel sick, can't concentrate and I just don't want him to go.

How? By giving your head a wobble and realising you're a grown woman?

This isn't right, OP. My husband worked away a lot - at one point he was down in Australia for 6 months. You just get on with it. You have a life that is separate from your partner. You are a competent, independent person. And, of course, time apart is very healthy.
If you think you can't manage your anxiety, seek professional support.

I know this isn't right, I suffer with anxiety in general anyway. Most of the time I can deal with it and it doesn't affect me. Unfortunately for some reason I seem to be having an extreme reaction to this.

I lived on my own for a few years before living with DH, so it isn't like I've never been alone before.

Believe me I keep telling myself I'm a grown woman and I do keep giving my head a wobble.

That reaction is quite extreme.
I think that you should maybe discuss it with a professional rather than on here

I think you need to work out what it is exactly about your partner not being home that is troubling you. Are you afraid of something happening at home that you can't deal with by yourself? Do you feel unsafe eg house catching fire, burglary etc? Is it that you are worried about your partner? Are there trust issues? If there is nothing specific, more of just a feeling, then you must get some help for your anxiety asap.

My DH works away for months at a time.

It's hard going tbh!

A week will fly by!

Can you make plans with friends for one or two evenings or maybe persuade the teens to go the cinema with you?

Will he be contactable? That will make a big difference.

Can you try and pin point what's making you anxious?

Tbh I now enjoy the bed to myself! Watching what I want on tv, maybe binge watch some short series?

What exactly are you frightened off?

I've just dumped my DH at the train station for an 11hr journey for three nights.

The dog and I are looking forward to some peace, nice food and control of the TV for a few days without his constant music playing in the house!

I have said for years that our regular travel for work keeps our marriage alive. He'll be working 3 months on 3 months of shortly and I have BIG plans for house renovations while he's away!

I like it when my partner works away - peace and quiet, house stays tidy, I get to do what I want when I want and choose what to watch on the TV. I love getting into bed and having it all to myself!

I actually look forward to my DH working away 😂
We've been together 30+ years.
It's rare that he does now but it was every week, Mon-Thurs, when our DCs were little.

My advice for you @Mowglimonkey is just to take one day at a time.
Plan something to look forward to every evening.
It will be OK.

My DP works away 40% of the time. Initially I found it hard, especially if we had big time differences, but I quickly adapted to it. It’s harder for him than on me. For operational reasons he’s been home since October and I am really looking forward to his next trip and having the house to myself!

I do plan on making sure I have stuff to do. I'm at work during the day anyway but I've made plans to eat out one evening, a friend is coming over one night and I'm going to visit family one night too.
I can't really pin point what the issue is other than maybe I rely on him more than I realise. Anxiety can be an issue for me at times and he is a big help if I'm struggling. We've also barely spent any time apart really so that doesn't help.
He is contactable by phone if I need him. Maybe I'll be fine once he's gone and it's just the anticipation of it all.

How are you doing op?

If your DH works away how do you cope with it?

I mean, kindly, there isn't really anything 'to cope with'.
I quite like it in truth.
But on a logical level, you've still got your routine, of work. You're not alone in the house. You've arranged your friend coming over to fill the evening gap. There isn't really anything else anyone can suggest about addressing the fact he isn't there.
What you need to fins a way of addressing, is your anxiety, not how other people cope.

Thankyou for asking and I'm not too bad actually. Trying to keep busy seems to be working.

I have spoken to people IRL who have actually had the same feelings as I have so I've felt less of a freak.

Anxiety is an issue I live with in my life. Most of the time it's manageable, maybe I rely on my DH more than I realise.

I'm the one who works away - I quite like it, it's like a little holiday!

It sounds like you've learned to rely on him for emotional regulation or safety? It's not unusual to feel this way but when it gets to this point it's problematic. I would really encourage you to seek support long term, short term maybe write down 5 things he does to support you with your anxiety and think how you can do those or find those in a similar way. For example - he's there at night, something heavy and warm in bed might help like a weighted blanket and hot water bottle.

My husband is on another continent 80% of the year. Its fine 🤷‍♀️. What are you so anxious about?

You're completely right, it has never been an issue before because he rarely goes away so it's not something I've really had to deal with.