Is gift giving really this hard?

[GretchenWienersHair]

All these threads with people being unhappy about their Christmas gifts has made me somewhat anxious. I try hard to buy gifts I think people will like but also have a very tight budget, so most things are very cheap. E.g. I bought DM a reflexology mat (admittedly, from Temu) because I know she’s been having health issues and wanted to explore reflexology, but I also know she’ll never actively look into it herself. I bought her a few other bits and bobs too, more like stocking fillers than anything. Other people’s gifts were along similar lines/prices.

It feels as if every other Christmas related thread this week has been complaining about crappy gifts. Half of the things listed, I either think “I’d quite like that” or have already bought something similar for someone! Surely receiving something is better than sitting there with nothing to open? I can’t decide whether lots of people on here are ungrateful or I’m a crappy gift-giver and shouldn’t bother next year!

This is a really good system

I hate it all to be honest. I am polite and grateful, but have 4 boxes of booze (don’t drink), chocolate (no dairy), unsuitable toiletries (eczema) and assorted festive shit (mugs, hats, hilarious fridge magnets etc) ready to be dumped as soon as the charity shops open on Monday. The more I beg to do something nice together (coffee, walk, other event) INSTEAD of a present, the more shit I end up with. Local primary school bottle tombola is at least 50% mine.

You honestly don’t sound like you are part of the problem. I think the complaints about gift giving here are more like the type I’ve described. The ‘thought’ of you is no more than ‘I’ve picked up this TKMAXX sickly sweet candle and have assigned your name to it’.

I hope not! I just hate the thought of someone opening something I’ve gifted them and being annoyed or offended by it. I don’t mind if they don’t like it - no one can be right all of the time, I just hope no one thinks it was thoughtless.

It sounds like you give lovely, thoughtful gifts that have the receiver at the heart of them, and absolutely should not worry about your gifts ending up on these threads.

When people care about giving the gift above the person is so draining for the receiver. It feels dismissive and selfish.

I have one of the gift threads going at the moment.

While I can’t speak for every poster on the thread, I find it frustrating when I beg someone close to us to not give us any more things and we’d rather do something fun with her instead, or since she insists on giving something to open, we suggested specific useful things like pyjamas or anything Paddington or Octonauts related (even mentioned how good Vinted is for kids pyjamas and dress-up but she turned her nose up at second hand gifts 😂). We explained where to buy accessible books and toys for VI kids. Yet we’ve ended up with more useless but expensive clutter, wrapped in mountains of plastic. It’s the waste as much as feeling dismissed that I find tiresome. Also I do find the thoughtlessness towards his disability quite hurtful.

I would bet every poster on the threads has a lot more context than simply the gift story they’ve added, but the gift stories on their own are quite funny.

Surely receiving something is better than sitting there with nothing to open?
Having nothing to open isn't a great fear of mine - opening a crap gift does not bring me joy - it makes me question what the intention of the gift was.

I'm always stunned when I read how much people receive from their husbands or partners! They even give them a list!!

@MiniRollsandBigiRolls I saw your thread and actually enjoyed that one - it was more humour than annoyance / disappointment (also, your point about your DC’s VI is completely reasonable!) There are a few posts on there that scream “ungrateful” to me, but generally speaking it’s all for the LOLs. It’s more the ones about being “hurt” by receiving bubble bath that are surprising to me. But you’re right - maybe there’s more to these stories.

Why didn’t you give someone else the egg instead of throwing it in the bin?

Why throw it in the bin? That's wasteful. Give to the food bank or to someone else.

Snap! At exactly the same time :)

Because it was easier.

You sound a bit like me, OP - I listen to what people say (not about Xmas) and buy accordingly eg my MiL was reminiscing about the painted glass lemonade set her grandmother had had when she was a child and I went and looked for one from the same period and in a style I thought she’d like.

I’m always grateful as long as there’s thought behind it; it’s when someone gifts you a 3 for 2 from Boots set for the sake of being seen to have given you something that I wish they wouldn’t bother!

I’m not giving myself extra work because someone else can’t listen. Anything given to me that’s useless gets binned. Good for all the superstars who make trips to the tip or charity shop, you’re all amazing human beings and better than me 😇

What a waste of good food.

What a waste of products which other people may like or need.

This is where the term 'throwaway society' comes from.
Going to landfill for no reason. Shocking.

Please try to change your mindset in the new year. The planet is already fucked up enough as it is. At least try to pass stuff onto other people. It doesn't take too long and it isn't hard.

Shocking statement that is.

I won’t. People need to change their mindset of not giving gifts that people can’t use. Especially when if you bothered to read my first post I told her not to buy me an Easter egg. THAT is wasteful. This is not on me. And I don’t care if you think it is!

I think I am probably hard to buy for, I was flat broke when I was younger, but not now, so I have nice toiletries, body oil, perfume as and when I need it, nice gloves,scarf etc. I buy the books I want to read. I don't really like collecting stuff and dint have any hobbies that require consistent input or collecting of things. I like nice candles and always appreciate those, I don't really want cheapy bits from temu. I don't really agree with the ethics of buying from places like that.

A friend gave me some beautiful tree decorations she'd crocheted herself and another friend a lovely box of home baking (delicious), so it doesn't have to be expensive I really loved both of those things. I don't want novelty bits and pieces or gift sets from boots.

People give me what they think are thoughtful gifts, yet another book about true crime because I work in the justice sector (so that's exactly what I want......) , candyfloss candles from tk maxx. It's a passing acknowledgement of something they think of in relation to me but I don't want them. I just smile say thank you and do a charity shop run. I don't mind tins of biscuits etc because I take them into work and they soon go.

I don't buy much so I suppose I am a bit particular about what I want.

To me, literally any gift means that someone was thinking of me and got me something that they hoped I would enjoy, and that means an awful lot to me.

I feel exactly the same way.

I'm really happy to receive mugs, nice coffee sachets, consumables, socks, books and toiletries.

It means throughout the year I am reading things, or using things from people and remember fondly they got me this.

How many mugs does 1 household need?
Or pairs of socks?

I do agree on not buying gifts. I am against the whole 'gift giving' for the hell of it too.

But surely if someone does buy you something which you do not like, you must know of someone who you can give it to who could make good use of it. Or eat it...

It is very wasteful just to bin it, when someone else could benefit from it.

We have someone who buys us gifts that definitely fit into the tat category.
Novelty beer glass/ wine glass
Novelty mugs
Random phone charger stand.
Bird feeder that’s made of really poor quality wood and held together by staples
If you ask me what I’d like, and I said a particular bar of soap, then please spend £10 on that and not £15 of stuff that will just end up in the bin.

Dd spent £100 in total on 6 friends - I asked her if she received any gifts that she really loved, any gifts that she valued more than the £100 she had spent (which was a significant proportion of her savings - no she got a pile of tatt from all her friends - well-meaning but still tatt - defined by stuff that she would not buy for herself because it wasn't needed or wanted and dd was now £100 worse off - the following year they agreed not to buy gifts for each other.

You seem like a nice person OP and I’d be touched if you gave me a present but I would truly hate any kind of grooming kit or any scented candle. Unscented would be OK but I already have some. Sorry!

Quite truthfully, I fail to see how someone bulk buying a heap of Temu tat and distributing it to people equates to thinking fondly about someone.

The only gifts I received this year were from DH. I'm perfectly happy with that, relieved even. It mean I didn't have to traipse around the shops trying to find something with a limited budget for adults earning more than enough money to buy what they want themselves. I had to buy 'token' gifts from the kids to aunts/uncles and even that felt like an unnecessary waste of money. I have no doubt the token gifts will be regifted/binned asap.

That's the big problem - loads of people buying each other "token" gifts. I don't want anything, and I particularly don't want alcohol, chocolate and toiletries. Can't imagine wanting anything from temu either. But it appears to be essential for the economy (or big business) for us to all be buying this shit and giving it to each other. And you are a miserable joy-sucking scrooge if you don't want to participate.