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Original poster

How to enjoy life and do more

66 replies

Peachyblush2025 · 28/12/2024 09:16

I find one of my friends really inspiring. She’s not completely perfectly put together but when I visit her she just seems to achieve and do so much and I’m looking for tips on how I can be more like that? I could ask her but I think she might find it strange and also say she doesn’t really know.

I think I really love visiting her because it’s so different to my mum and how I grew up. My mum would frequently do one chore for example and say her work for the day was done; she couldn’t possibly do or be expected to do any more that day. And everything was always met with a no rather than a yes.

my friend on the other hand takes a lot of joy in everything even when most people would be exhausted or not bothered. She would think nothing of suddenly making cookies at 4pm, trying out new recipes, making clothes. She works and has kids.

I think I’m not explaining myself very well but what I want to know is how do you do a lot in a day and just enjoy life? Maybe that’s too vague.

I don’t even have kids but I seem to achieve my one task of having coffee and journalling in the morning which I enjoy and then the rest of the day I just seem to waste probably on my phone and social media. I guess I’ve partly answered my question but I just also wonder if there’s something I’m missing.

OP posts:
GogAndMagog · 28/12/2024 10:41

I bet I used to look like this to outsiders.

Creating a childhood for mine I didn't have as it's gone in the blink of an eye.
I was exhausted. Had a bit of a breakdown two years ago.

Now the house is a mess and I'm on the antidepressants.

ChristmasKelpie · 28/12/2024 10:41

Put your phone down. Life is passing you by, your children's lives are passing you by. Is the back of your phone on show to your children more than your face ? Poor souls.

chollysawcutt · 28/12/2024 10:49

There is that old adage - if you want something done, ask a busy person. Which I take to mean, the more you do, the more you can do. (Or conversely, the less you do, the less you want to do!)

Doing less (or more) becomes a habit, maybe?

HPandthelastwish · 28/12/2024 10:52

Getting up early, I'm still in bed (although feeling rough and under the weather) and it's nearly 11, my mum would have already been up showered and dressed and done 2 loads of washing, got the slow cooker on and been for a walk by now I procrastinate like it's a profession and put things off that I don't want to do, like ironing and then it piles up and becomes a huge deal instead of a quick task.

Being prepared, it's easy to bake cookies or whatever if you already have the supplies at home. Or to do skin care if you know where everything is and you have a routine.

Booking things in advance so either formally putting everyday things in the calendar and having a fairly rigid schedule or booking things like activities, exercise classes, arts and crafts courses etc so it's in the diary rather than a well intention to do list you never get around to.

HPandthelastwish · 28/12/2024 10:53

ChristmasKelpie · 28/12/2024 10:41

Put your phone down. Life is passing you by, your children's lives are passing you by. Is the back of your phone on show to your children more than your face ? Poor souls.

OP clearly says she doesn't have children.

NobleDeeds · 28/12/2024 10:59

Your friend’s level of activity sounds ordinary to me, OP. What is odder to me is the way you describe you ‘tasks’ of journaling and having a coffee as being all you can manage in a day — surely this isn’t literally true? Do you not work?

MyNewLife2025 · 28/12/2024 11:00

Im not sure doing a lot of things isn’t always the right choice @Peachyblush2025
Its very easy to put yourself under pressure that you should achieve or do this and that for no good reason tbh.

Being happy is a totally different issue.
And one I haven’t quite figured out myself…..

beardediris · 28/12/2024 11:02

I have a friend just like this (our children have all grown up now but I’ve known her since the children were toddlers) although I never tried to be like her in abyway. But rather surprisingly she once said how much she really admired my smooch through life it will alright on the night relaxed approach to both parenting and life in general! She said how much she wished she could be like me!!!

MyNewLife2025 · 28/12/2024 11:06

Fwiw a few questions came up fir me

  • are you exhausted?
It’s pretty hard to feel like doing a lot, start baking cookies at 4.00pm when you’re running on fumes
  • are you stressed?
Again stress tends to slow you down and makes you want to curl up, away from the world. Or it can make you quite rigid (to cope) so 4.00pm is deemed too late to bake cookies, too close to dinner etc etc…. So isn’t ‘allowed’ (for want if a better word)
  • what activities bring you joy?
No point doing lots if these are things you don’t enjoy but things you ‘ought to enjoy/look good etc…’ Most of us don’t really know what truly brings us joy, let alone do it on regular basis (I’d include the journaling there or baking cookies!)
EBoo80 · 28/12/2024 11:10

Is there also something about perfectionism here? The people I know with lots of get up and go just do things, they don’t fret too much about it. Some of the people I know who seem to have quite empty lives (that sounds judgey and I don’t mean it to) are such hard work, always planning and worrying and micro-managing. There’s a lightness about people who get stuff done and seem
to enjoy life along the way.

Strikeoutnow · 28/12/2024 11:16

One of my parents is like this, they are quite hyper & hardly watch any TV so have more time.
We hosted them from Christmas Eve, had more guests for Boxing Day. Friends were around for dinner & drinks last night. One dc has a party today, the other has a sleepover, I need to pop to the shops & we have a group trip to the theatre tmw, plus daily park walks. I just want to sit on the sofa for a few hours & veg & I’ve not had time to do the baking I had planned. I don’t feel bad about it but said parent wants to go out for lunch & thinks I’m a tad lazy 😆

wavingfuriously · 28/12/2024 11:22

following 👍

Original poster
Peachyblush2025 · 28/12/2024 11:28

HPandthelastwish · 28/12/2024 10:52

Getting up early, I'm still in bed (although feeling rough and under the weather) and it's nearly 11, my mum would have already been up showered and dressed and done 2 loads of washing, got the slow cooker on and been for a walk by now I procrastinate like it's a profession and put things off that I don't want to do, like ironing and then it piles up and becomes a huge deal instead of a quick task.

Being prepared, it's easy to bake cookies or whatever if you already have the supplies at home. Or to do skin care if you know where everything is and you have a routine.

Booking things in advance so either formally putting everyday things in the calendar and having a fairly rigid schedule or booking things like activities, exercise classes, arts and crafts courses etc so it's in the diary rather than a well intention to do list you never get around to.

Yes, I think this is it. I'm much the same. I just feel like I want to do stuff but then I end up doing very little.

It's not about keeping busy for the sake of being busy - I'm happy to not be busy or super busy - I just don't want to be doing nothing or feel like my days are endless stream of nothingness really.

I think you're right, those of you saying it's a mindset and also good mental health. I am prone to being listless and a bit depressed but being on my phone and living life on my phone is definitely not helpful and also just wastes a whole lot of time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peachyblush2025 · 28/12/2024 11:31

NobleDeeds · 28/12/2024 10:59

Your friend’s level of activity sounds ordinary to me, OP. What is odder to me is the way you describe you ‘tasks’ of journaling and having a coffee as being all you can manage in a day — surely this isn’t literally true? Do you not work?

I do work, yes - and am quite high achieving at work, although I could definitely do more. I freelance though so there are periods when I have no work or little work, and the weekends as well, I just waste.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peachyblush2025 · 28/12/2024 11:34

EBoo80 · 28/12/2024 11:10

Is there also something about perfectionism here? The people I know with lots of get up and go just do things, they don’t fret too much about it. Some of the people I know who seem to have quite empty lives (that sounds judgey and I don’t mean it to) are such hard work, always planning and worrying and micro-managing. There’s a lightness about people who get stuff done and seem
to enjoy life along the way.

This exactly sums it up. My friend is definitely the former. By contrast, I have another friend who is constantly filling up her day with activities, has lots of alarms going off, is extremely rigid about all plans and must know exactly what is happening but who does this (and has said so) as a distraction as she feels her life is quite bleak and I think this comes across and I often find it depressing and very sad.

I'm definitely trying to find the lightness in just achieving a lot (for one's self whatever that may be) but in doing the things you want to do that bring you joy rather than doing it for the sake of doing it or at the other end, like me, being apathetic and letting the days roll by.

OP posts:
mammaCh · 28/12/2024 11:39

I make plans for pretty much every every day. Book things in with others. Ask the kids for their ideas.
Even plan in days where we are just at home to recharge. Always have a few ideas of what we can do (if they want) so they're not just sitting there.
I do find i can easily spend a long time on my phone when alone, so I now set an alarm to stop this, or I feel like I've wasted my time.

Original poster
Peachyblush2025 · 28/12/2024 11:40

MyNewLife2025 · 28/12/2024 11:06

Fwiw a few questions came up fir me

  • are you exhausted?
It’s pretty hard to feel like doing a lot, start baking cookies at 4.00pm when you’re running on fumes
  • are you stressed?
Again stress tends to slow you down and makes you want to curl up, away from the world. Or it can make you quite rigid (to cope) so 4.00pm is deemed too late to bake cookies, too close to dinner etc etc…. So isn’t ‘allowed’ (for want if a better word)
  • what activities bring you joy?
No point doing lots if these are things you don’t enjoy but things you ‘ought to enjoy/look good etc…’ Most of us don’t really know what truly brings us joy, let alone do it on regular basis (I’d include the journaling there or baking cookies!)

This is interesting. Yes, I'm very mentally exhausted and have a lot of stress. I've had a pretty stressful decade and very poor relationship with my immediate family so I often feel very alone. I have few friends but they are good ones.

I would say I have a poor diet and lifestyle really.

I just love visiting my friend though. I find her so uplifting and grounded and I love that about her and she takes joy in the little things too.

I used to be much more this way when I was younger; I think I've probably lost a lot of my optimism and am constanlty worried but I would like to try and get that back and to live life more fully.

I do enjoy things like baking and cooking, gardening and dance and I used to love learning a language - things I've stopped doing. I am worried about money as my job is rewarding but not well paid and most things I used to enjoy do cost more money. I also feel guilty about baking as I have a massive sweet tooth and I am overweight and would like to lose weight.

OP posts:
livingafulllife · 28/12/2024 11:48

Start enjoying things more less negative be more positive see the funny side of things.

HPandthelastwish · 28/12/2024 12:21

Ok so you are overweight (me too that's not a dig) doing things to improve that situation is going to give you more energy and the endorphins will make you feel better. Once you are up for the day you are likely to achieve more so I would address this first and multitask where you can.

So how's your level of physical activity (mine is pretty rock bottom as I WFH)? Getting out for 3 X 20 minutes walks (before, after work and lunchtime) a day makes a huge difference. Making sure phone and head phones are charged and music, podcast or ebook is downloaded ready to go on Sunday, you could even make playlists by day to change things up. I find if I have an ebook I walk longer in the evening as I want to know what happens next. Do a full hour at the weekend round a local nature reserve and take a flask.

Cooking, again losing weight instead of baking find some low cost healthy meals to make, even better if they can be frozen for use later in the week so things like soup are great. Again for me having this time to listen to music or a podcast is great.

Tidying, I'm a messy I can't help it and it takes real brain power to not be. Whizzing round with a "touch it, put it away" mantra helps as does putting on a quick 10 minute playlist and whizzing around yo re-home things in the wrong rooms. A bit like tots have a tidy up song at nursery. Knowing there is only 10 minutes and an end point helps me focus massively.

6 months of this and you'll be feeling much better, just in time for the summer where you can start putting in summer activities.

I'd be making a list of 6 things you want to achieve in 6 months time, keep it realistic. Lose a stone (not 6), do the C25K (not marathon) once you start achieving little by little it will be easier to add new habits to your list.

You'll notice music features heavily and I find it helps massively as a tool. My phone and devices on the other hand are the opposite and are massive time sucks once sat down. Keep a physical book at hand in the places you normally end up doom scrolling and give yourself similar screen limitations as you would a child, use your phone as a tool not entertainment.

Realize I massively need to take my own advice too rather than just give it.

InterstellarDrifter · 28/12/2024 13:20

EBoo80 · 28/12/2024 11:10

Is there also something about perfectionism here? The people I know with lots of get up and go just do things, they don’t fret too much about it. Some of the people I know who seem to have quite empty lives (that sounds judgey and I don’t mean it to) are such hard work, always planning and worrying and micro-managing. There’s a lightness about people who get stuff done and seem
to enjoy life along the way.

This is such a good insight.
The person I know who has always claimed to be too busy to do anything is like this. It's quite sad because she's been looking back on her life and feels sad that it was so boring for her and her children (who are now both at university) But she spent the whole time turning down offers because of lame excuses or the weather not being good enough or the time not being quite right.
Meanwhile, I just got on with things because I enjoyed them.
A pp was right about things seeming like chores to some and not to others.
Going out to museums, parks or day trips were never a chore to me. Neither was baking.
Now, I'm not like those super efficient people because I baked and cooked things that were easy and I'm also lucky enough to live in zone 4 where I have easy access to the best museums and entertainment as well as lots of nature so it's easier for me.
I also divert more energy there so I have less when it comes to other things like cleaning or hobbies.

pimplebum · 28/12/2024 14:01

My mum was like this always busy
the first time I ever saw her lying down was when she was dying in hospital !
but she may have had adhd and certainly had anxiety
fo what makes you happy not what you think you should be doing

Original poster
Peachyblush2025 · 28/12/2024 15:10

HPandthelastwish · 28/12/2024 12:21

Ok so you are overweight (me too that's not a dig) doing things to improve that situation is going to give you more energy and the endorphins will make you feel better. Once you are up for the day you are likely to achieve more so I would address this first and multitask where you can.

So how's your level of physical activity (mine is pretty rock bottom as I WFH)? Getting out for 3 X 20 minutes walks (before, after work and lunchtime) a day makes a huge difference. Making sure phone and head phones are charged and music, podcast or ebook is downloaded ready to go on Sunday, you could even make playlists by day to change things up. I find if I have an ebook I walk longer in the evening as I want to know what happens next. Do a full hour at the weekend round a local nature reserve and take a flask.

Cooking, again losing weight instead of baking find some low cost healthy meals to make, even better if they can be frozen for use later in the week so things like soup are great. Again for me having this time to listen to music or a podcast is great.

Tidying, I'm a messy I can't help it and it takes real brain power to not be. Whizzing round with a "touch it, put it away" mantra helps as does putting on a quick 10 minute playlist and whizzing around yo re-home things in the wrong rooms. A bit like tots have a tidy up song at nursery. Knowing there is only 10 minutes and an end point helps me focus massively.

6 months of this and you'll be feeling much better, just in time for the summer where you can start putting in summer activities.

I'd be making a list of 6 things you want to achieve in 6 months time, keep it realistic. Lose a stone (not 6), do the C25K (not marathon) once you start achieving little by little it will be easier to add new habits to your list.

You'll notice music features heavily and I find it helps massively as a tool. My phone and devices on the other hand are the opposite and are massive time sucks once sat down. Keep a physical book at hand in the places you normally end up doom scrolling and give yourself similar screen limitations as you would a child, use your phone as a tool not entertainment.

Realize I massively need to take my own advice too rather than just give it.

Thank you! 6 things I'd like to achieve in 6 months is a lovely goal to aim for!

Just having a think:

  1. Lose a stone
  2. Complete couch to 5k
  3. Go no sugar for 3 months (I did this a few years ago and it was great and I felt a real sense of achievement)
  4. Make one new recipe a week on average
  5. Sign up and complete a course of Spanish classes
  6. Pick a dance or yoga class and go once a week

I think these are things that might make me feel better and give me a bit more oomph

OP posts:
Helpaladyoutplease · 28/12/2024 15:18

When you see something that looks vaguely fun or interesting book it. No 'Have a think about it...'

sometimesmovingforwards · 28/12/2024 17:03

Basically if you’re not doing stuff, you’re planning stuff to do. It’s that simple.

Sitting doing nothing / watching mindless tv / phone doomscrolling is all using time.
We all have 24hrs in a day, nobody gets more or less.

VarneytheVamp · 28/12/2024 17:06

sometimesmovingforwards · 28/12/2024 17:03

Basically if you’re not doing stuff, you’re planning stuff to do. It’s that simple.

Sitting doing nothing / watching mindless tv / phone doomscrolling is all using time.
We all have 24hrs in a day, nobody gets more or less.

That’s true, but when doing nothing mindlessly staring at a screen has been your default for so long, it’s not so easy to overcome the inertia!