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Original poster

Do most choirs have some annoying thing?

41 replies

Choirsinging · 27/12/2024 17:39

I joined a choir at the beginning of this year, and in the main I’ve really enjoyed it. But there’s a couple of things I don’t like about the way some of it’s done, and I just wondered if most choirs are going to have some kind of politics or drama going on? I’m not going to say what the things are, because they’re probably quite small compared to other choirs, and I know it’s not a democracy and someone has to make the decisions.

I love the community feel and I just wondered if I’m really going to find another one that’s perfect, or if I should just accept there’ll always be something I don’t like, especially at other choirs night have way more stuff going on.

OP posts:
NedSchneebly · 27/12/2024 17:47

Sometimes - quite often it’s who sits where! “Ooh, Flossie always sits there - Emma likes to sit with her!” Or it’s the politics of who sings the first or second part - particularly controversial amongst the sopranos in my experience… 😆

Original poster
Choirsinging · 27/12/2024 19:47

We don’t have arguments about chairs, luckily.

OP posts:
SnowflakeSmasher86 · 27/12/2024 19:59

You might need to be a bit more specific if you want any useful comments. I was in a choir for a few years but can’t imagine what you mean by “a thing” - again the only thing that was ever really an issue (in a very minor way) was where people sat, but it might be that if you could be a bit more specific then it might ring a bell!

squirrelnutcartel · 27/12/2024 20:01

Choirs can be hotbeds of conflict. You need a strong leader who can command respect and not stand for any nonsense. There's always a couple of queen bees in the soprano section who are generally very competitive and will often try to sing over others.

scalt · 27/12/2024 20:09

Any organisation is going to have "politics" or "drama", especially among those who have been in it for a long time, even in a community organisation.

I love my church choir, but certain annoyances are the painfully slow (and sometimes childish) warm-ups which we've done hundreds of times before, some of which have never varied in the last twelve years, yet the technical detail behind them including terms such as "head resonators" "fluency exercise" "don't make the intervals too wide" "crescendi and diminuendi" is waffled about at length EVERY TIME.

That our choirmaster is too polite to briskly get the choir's attention when he wants to begin. "Er... ladies and gentlemen... er... could I... er... have your er... attention, please?" (people keep on nattering, knowing that a lot of waffling is forthcoming) "Er... we're on the job, now, please..." A few times I have saved him the trouble, and barked "listen up!!" myself.

PermanentTemporary · 27/12/2024 20:15

Yes, imo.

I was in an amazing choir with a fantastic nationally known leader, but I found it cliquey I wasn't really good enough and there was a horribly musty sexist 'ladies please make sure those finely-turned ankles are tucked away' vibe.

I was in a great open-access high-aiming choir but there was a very weird dynamic and clique there too bothered me less as I ws inside the clique that time

helpfulperson · 27/12/2024 20:27

I don't think it is particularly choirs. any group/society/organisation is like this. I've found the only way I can cope is by volunteering to be in charge or at least on the committee and try and make them run it the way i think it ought to be.

drspouse · 27/12/2024 20:27

I've been in 4 choirs locally and left two for "things".
No 1 was quite high powered and insisted you attend X% of rehearsals to sing in the concert, fine but I travel a lot for work so often couldn't. But then they started saying if you weren't in the concert you had to stop attending rehearsals after 6 weeks of term. But you still had to pay subs.

No 2 I contacted P to join and all was fine. Then I was going to be away for 6 months and asked P what to do. Oh just come back when you return. Fine, I did that and A asked "who are you and why are you here". I explained. "Oh we are full for altos. You can go on the waiting list". But P said... "P isn't membership admin any more".

No 3 was ok except we only sang the conductor's arrangements or compositions of odd things like how to land a plane in an emergency.

I'm now in no 4 which is women only and drama free. I like the music though it's a tiny bit folky and I'd prefer classical/church music but that does seem to come with drama.

snowyglobe · 27/12/2024 20:28

I’m in a community choir. It’s great. No drama. I’m dying to know wtf is going on in yours!

NigelHarmansNewWife · 27/12/2024 20:29

I'm in a large choir and it ain't the leads/sopranos who are the divas...

Very much depends whether you compete, what kind of choir it is, etc.

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 27/12/2024 20:43

With a choir that a friend of mine is in the major issue atm is whether or not the "man who has decided he is a woman" can get changed with the women or if he needs to get changed with the men. Or if they need to find another room altogether for him.

Dunno if that counts as a thing!

CeeCeeDeeBee · 27/12/2024 21:12

I've been in a community choir for years, but it has stopped bringing me joy. One reason is a man who joined the (predominantly female) choir earlier this year, and who is making himself the centre of everything. It would be fine if he wasn't such a pompous arsehole. Plus politics over solos (I wish there weren't any, would be less drama!) and a musical director who keeps picking really boring stuff for us to sing... meh.

cinnamonbiscuit · 27/12/2024 21:28

I’ve sung in many choirs since I was a teen, both amateur and professional, and can confirm there is usually some kind of drama going on. Often caused by certain big personalities/diva types. I generally find it all quite entertaining though as long as I’m not directly involved!

theallotmentqueen · 27/12/2024 22:15

Mmmm some do. I’ve been singing in choirs since I was 12 of various standards and honestly it doesn’t matter how ‘good’ the choir is, some can be horrible and toxic and some can be lovely. My currently choir is wonderful- really nice and non-toxic. However, the choir I was in before was absolutely terrible. There was so much bitching and interpersonal fighting, felt like I was in a season of Game of Thrones!

Definitely hop to another choir if you can. Genuinely, try some out until you find one where the people are nice and you feel comfortable. It doesn’t have to be like this, singing should be fun for you and the other choir members should be nice to be around.

CrispyCrumpets · 27/12/2024 22:27

I'm in a community choir and so surprised to hear of these issues. Ours is drama free, as far as I can tell. There isn't much time to talk at rehearsals and we don't compete or really take things that seriously. It's a good laugh and everyone seems quite nice.

TheRoundaboutHadLovelyFlowers · 27/12/2024 22:44

I've been in a lot of choirs and never had any problems, but that was more than 20 years ago. In the last 20 years, I haven't been in choirs, but every community organisation I've been part of has had epic political rubbish going on. In every case, there was actual criminal activity going on, but the police didn't help.

I think part of the problem is that the police are really overworked, so when community organisations have problems with petty crime, there isn't a policeman available to "have a word" so the whole thing just rumbles on miserably and ruins it for everyone.

slightlydistrac · 27/12/2024 23:02

The choir I'm currently in is a haven of peace compared with some of the AmDram groups I've been involved with over the years!

Original poster
Choirsinging · 12/01/2025 17:53

Sorry to bring this up again, but can I just ask how common it is for people to move around between different choirs? I have met a couple of people who told me they’d been choir-hopping and wondered if this was a controversial thing to do? I do generally like my choir but there’s a couple of things that have annoyed me, but I wonder if I’m being too idealistic thinking the perfect choir must exist.

OP posts:
wholettheturnipsburn · 12/01/2025 17:59

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 27/12/2024 20:43

With a choir that a friend of mine is in the major issue atm is whether or not the "man who has decided he is a woman" can get changed with the women or if he needs to get changed with the men. Or if they need to find another room altogether for him.

Dunno if that counts as a thing!

Get changed?

That's not something I've come across in years of singing

NigelHarmansNewWife · 12/01/2025 19:15

wholettheturnipsburn · 12/01/2025 17:59

Get changed?

That's not something I've come across in years of singing

Show quote history

Really? You don't have stage/performance outfits you change into at venues rather than walking around in on the way there?

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 13/01/2025 13:36

@wholettheturnipsburn yes of course - into the costume/outfit required for the performance. Perhaps with a need also to sort makeup and hair.

okright · 13/01/2025 13:42

What are the things?

JoanOgden · 13/01/2025 13:43

Choirsinging · 12/01/2025 17:53

Sorry to bring this up again, but can I just ask how common it is for people to move around between different choirs? I have met a couple of people who told me they’d been choir-hopping and wondered if this was a controversial thing to do? I do generally like my choir but there’s a couple of things that have annoyed me, but I wonder if I’m being too idealistic thinking the perfect choir must exist.

Totally normal to move between choirs.

Like people, choirs are never perfect, you just have to decide what you can tolerate. I get particularly annoyed by fawning over (almost always male) choir directors. And pointless faffing.

Original poster
Choirsinging · 14/01/2025 00:07

JoanOgden · 13/01/2025 13:43

Totally normal to move between choirs.

Like people, choirs are never perfect, you just have to decide what you can tolerate. I get particularly annoyed by fawning over (almost always male) choir directors. And pointless faffing.

Show quote history

Thank you. I appreciate your comment. I think I might try out a couple of others soon then.

OP posts:
Nextyearhopes · 14/01/2025 00:13

I have only just found this thread OP and love it. I have definitely witnessed loads of the stuff on here in choirs.

I am in one now and enjoy it, and one of the ladies tried to get me to join another one that she was in. However I eventually decided not to as she was filling me in on the ‘politics’. She said I would likely attract attention for being a bit younger and having a lot of music experience and to ‘rise above’ anything some of the other ladies might mutter. I just decided I wasn’t up for drama right now.