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Original poster

I don’t know if I can manage having children.

51 replies

FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 14:46

Emetophobe here. Had it all my life. I am early 30s and can’t think of a day that’s gone by in my entire life that I haven’t feared this. It’s horrid.

Ive seen many therapists over the years, read books and although I’m able to function day to day, and certainly not as bad as I was when I was younger, I don’t know if I can cope with having a baby.

I love and adore babies and I could see myself being a mum. I would like to go through birth and bringing up a little one. My friends are starting their families now too. However, my fear is holding me back. Not because of the morning sickness, or the baby sick or anything like that. It’s more the contagious stomach bugs that toddlers bring home from nursery and schools. I just couldn’t deal with that.

The only thing that’s giving me hope is that they are developing a norovirus vaccine. I think if I could have that now, I’d have a baby tomorrow!

i don’t want to miss out on having a baby or being a mum because of this stupid phobia. But I also know that once you have kids, it’s a commitment for life and I would want to be the best mum possible. I don’t think I can be if I’m constantly fretting about them picking up a tummy bug. I feel like I’d be a terrible parent in that case.

not sure what I want from this post. I’m just sad.

OP posts:
Baileysfeverdream · 27/12/2024 14:53

I don't have any experience of emetophobia, but is having kids a way to cope through exposure therapy? If you have morning sickness you just have to carry on, if your child vomits, you have to clean it up.

Hopefully someone who's been through this will be able to give advice.

If you'd like kids, I hope this doesn't hold you back.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 27/12/2024 15:00

Obviously every child is different, but vomit was my biggest 'ick' when coming into parenting and I was so worried (appreciate it's nowhere near as bad as emetophobia, and mine is just a personal dislike!)

DS is now 5 and has never vomited once, any bugs he's had have not resulted in being sick. Many of his friends have only vomited occasionally, it doesn't seem to be the 'constant' that people assume.

starpatch · 27/12/2024 15:00

My son is 12 he has only had 3 episodes of vomiting. In case that is helpful. He got diarrhoea a lot aged 1. Only you can have an idea how this may affect you though.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
LoverOfFoood · 27/12/2024 15:03

Having children cured me of emetophobia!

I found baby sick far more manageable than I’d imagined. Yes there were sickness bugs, which obviously weren’t pleasant, but I think going through them and realising how short lived they are helped me gain some perspective on it all.

TwinkleLights24 · 27/12/2024 15:05

My child has not been sick more than a few times in almost 16 years.
Baby sick is only spat up milk imo.

Lobsterteapot · 27/12/2024 15:07

The odd thing is op is that your babies “outputs” aren’t as stinky/gross as other peoples. It must be an evolutionary thing. Your own babies/kids always smell lovely to
you too until they hit puberty

doodleschnoodle · 27/12/2024 15:11

We are pretty robust as a family but we have had the odd sickness bug and DD2 has been travel sick once or twice. What you might find is that exposure like this is actually semi-curative. A friend of mine was an emetaphobe until they all came down with a sickness bug. Being forced to deal with it actually went a long way to making her less bothered about it.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 27/12/2024 15:12

Can’t comment on the emetophobia as such but I would say things are very different with your own children. They need you in a way no one could ever need you, so when they are poorly or in dealing with gross things you somehow just sort of do it and it doesn’t seem gross because your need to protect and nurture trumps it all.

T00ManyBooks · 27/12/2024 15:16

My colleague’s daughter has this phobia and also has a baby. She manages, but it is hard.

I would say that I felt nauseous when pregnant but wasn’t sick during my pregnancy. You just need to prepared for labour hormones potentially making you ill as well.

My baby struggled to keep her milk down but it does pass. My kid has been sick maybe twice in the last five years.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 27/12/2024 15:24

I can't say anything about the phobia, but vomit makes me vomit. I'm not squeamish about most things, but there's something about vomit that just flips my stomach and triggers the gag reflex. I've never been able to handle it.

Three years in (four of you count the actual pregnancy I suppose) and the other month I actually caught vomit in my hand, disposed of it and cleaned up myself and DD. I still hate it, but I can deal with it much better now.

I was really sick during pregnancy but my friend had none. DD has had two sickness bugs in three years, my friends kid has one every other month. There's no guarantee you'll have any sickness to deal with, or you might get loads. But when it's your child, there's nothing you can't handle for them. You'll surprise yourself.

Original poster
FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 15:26

Thanks all. It’s interesting so many of your kids have only vomited a handful of times, and one not at all!

I grew up having a lot of stomach bugs, and when I was reading the threads on here about Christmas, it seemed that soooo many families had the norovirus this year. It just got me thinking about how I’d cope in the same situation.

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/12/2024 15:44

Here to give another tail - yes a few people have said their child has rarely vomited my daughter is 2.5 and is the opposite!!! She always vomits when sick….when she is sick if she coughs that’s it she will vomit so I have had to get used to vomit really fast. We ended up in hospital as one day she vomited 17 times and has been ill from daycare/ nursery twice in the last three weeks so I think you are being fantastic in really thinking if this will effect your ability to parent as in that moment you’re child needs your help and you can’t close down and escape when they need you

Original poster
FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 15:46

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/12/2024 15:44

Here to give another tail - yes a few people have said their child has rarely vomited my daughter is 2.5 and is the opposite!!! She always vomits when sick….when she is sick if she coughs that’s it she will vomit so I have had to get used to vomit really fast. We ended up in hospital as one day she vomited 17 times and has been ill from daycare/ nursery twice in the last three weeks so I think you are being fantastic in really thinking if this will effect your ability to parent as in that moment you’re child needs your help and you can’t close down and escape when they need you

Your poor daughter! Did you ever catch any of the illnesses she brought home? Particularly the ones that make you vomit!

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 27/12/2024 15:52

I mean... you might be lucky. My son is 3 and has only ever had one vomiting bug. But you could also not be; a close friend of ours (same nursery and everything) seems to catch a lot more, and has probably had 18 or so?!

The norovirus vaccine will be like the chickenpox one... it works for most people, but all my antenatal group vaccinated their toddlers, and 2 of 8 currently have chicken pox. It's not flawless, sadly.

What is your partner like? Could you rely on them to take the lead with any sickness?

Original poster
FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 15:59

YouveGotAFastCar · 27/12/2024 15:52

I mean... you might be lucky. My son is 3 and has only ever had one vomiting bug. But you could also not be; a close friend of ours (same nursery and everything) seems to catch a lot more, and has probably had 18 or so?!

The norovirus vaccine will be like the chickenpox one... it works for most people, but all my antenatal group vaccinated their toddlers, and 2 of 8 currently have chicken pox. It's not flawless, sadly.

What is your partner like? Could you rely on them to take the lead with any sickness?

He would be great and handle it for me when he could. Issue is he works very long and unpretentious hours so I can’t really rely on that.

I’d also feel so so guilty putting him through that. Like, I would rather him catch the norovirus than me. It just feels wrong!

OP posts:
Original poster
FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 15:59

unpredictable*

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/12/2024 16:07

FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 15:46

Your poor daughter! Did you ever catch any of the illnesses she brought home? Particularly the ones that make you vomit!

Show quote history

Yes Boxing Day was up there as one of my hardest parenting days - both sick at the same time - she wants me and I just want to curl up and sleep

One thing I will say is baby and toddler vomit isn’t like adult vomit so it’s easier to deal with it’s usually very milky and watery so it doesn’t feel as gross to deal with

Dontlletmedownbruce · 27/12/2024 16:09

I don't have experience of your phobia but I had a baby who threw up most feeds and vomited constantly after solid. This started immediately after birth. I was never one for many tummy bugs and never had pregnancy sickness either so wasnt accustomed to this. My first and constant thought was to protect the baby, and reducing discomfort for him. Sitting there with milk spew all over me didn't matter as long as he was ok. When he got bigger eating solids and occasionally threw up, I was so desensitised that it didn't bother me at all, I only wanted to help him. Thankfully he grew out of it but I had two more kids one of whom got bugs regularly enough and I never batted an eyelid. I know it's not the same as your phobia but I just want to highlight how incredibly strong maternal instinct can be and you can find yourself becoming so much stronger and braver than you would have imagined.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/12/2024 16:19

Do you have a partner? Surely these just deal wit that for you and you'd do another yukmy job like cleaning the snot plunger or more of the poo nappies?

brummumma · 27/12/2024 16:20

I've got 3 kids and haven't caught sickness bugs off them

Original poster
FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 16:21

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/12/2024 16:19

Do you have a partner? Surely these just deal wit that for you and you'd do another yukmy job like cleaning the snot plunger or more of the poo nappies?

Yes, we’ve already discussed that would be the way things are dealt with! However, his working hours are long and there are periods of travel so he might not be here

OP posts:
Original poster
FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 16:22

brummumma · 27/12/2024 16:20

I've got 3 kids and haven't caught sickness bugs off them

How old are they?

OP posts:
ABunchOfBadBitches · 27/12/2024 16:23

If you don’t have kids, you’re not missing out on some massive thing. In your shoes I just wouldn’t have them

MumonabikeE5 · 27/12/2024 16:25

My 2 kids are in primary school, and we have only been 2 vomitting bugs and 1 vomit from stress.

I used to puke or dry heave until I had tears when faced with vomit, a wiff of it, or the idea of it.

and then my kids appeared.
and somehow the desire to care and protect them meant I’ve never felt the same vomit horror when they are the sick one.

I don’t think I would not have kids because of puke.
i think if everything else makes you wish to be a parent you could probably find a way to cope with the vomit etc

Original poster
FishOnTheTrain · 27/12/2024 16:33

ABunchOfBadBitches · 27/12/2024 16:23

If you don’t have kids, you’re not missing out on some massive thing. In your shoes I just wouldn’t have them

Gosh I really disagree. I think the decision to or not to have kids is massive, either way. Especially when faced with the biological clock and PCOS (as I am!)

OP posts:
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