Good for nothing

[Itsanewday25]

Just feeling a bit negative. It will pass but I just wanted to say it. Because its not something I can share.

I have litterly no education. I did not go to a mainstream school was told I had moderate learning difficulties. What ever that means.

On mumsnet for example and in real life. I see things written or said. And I have never heard of the word or seen it written. They often mean very basic things yet I don't know them. And because they are not something in my lifeI will forget it within 5 mins.

Then there's that thing I hear . Everyone's good at something/you just need to find your thing.

Nope I'm honestly not good at anything not academic, not artistic. No talents etc .

Tell me something interesting about yourself... I couldn't.

Bring up children does not really count. It does not mean it's a worthless thing. But it does not really count.

If you do a decent job of it, it counts. So many people don't, including smart/educated people .

Yes, but my point is that if I judged myself on my ability to tell left from right, add and subtract, swim, drive, or remember our car reg, I’d dismiss myself totally. I can do other things, though. You can too.

Yeah I get that. Just feels hopeless.

Bringing up children is the most significant thing anyone can do, and I say that as someone who is childless by choice.

I think its different though. I don't know how to explain. It's like being just a mum.

If only got asked tell me something you have achieved. I brang up my children

Tell me something interesting.? I brang up children

Tell me something about yourself. I'm a mum.

@Itsanewday25 so what can you do? Big or small.

It really feels like nothing . So I can't really answer

I understand what you're saying op, even if others cannot relate.

If you are a mum you must have some practical skills ? Cooking, cleaning etc ? Also , perhaps you are good at looking after others and being kind ? You can be good at things that don't require traditional intelligence

You place too much importance on education and skills.

I am fairly accomplished, but my greatest achievement and my greatest joy in my life is my children. If you ask me about myself, I will probably talk about them if think the listener will be in any way receptive to that!

In a well functioning society we need a mix of personalities and abilities.

If formal education and skills are not for you, then don't sweat it. Do things that bring you joy, even if that thing is just watching nature or watching Love Island!!

Be a kind and responsive parent. Love your family. You are fine.

Thank you for getting it . I hope your OK though. I don't want others to feel bad .

I wouldn’t worry about finding something you can be good at; that is placing an unnecessary amount of stress onto you to achieve some kind of “success.” Try and find something that you enjoy, even if you aren’t good at it. I like listening to interesting things about science and art. I can’t always understand all of them, and they don’t sink in enough for me to remember them after they have finished. But I enjoy the process of being entertained by them.

OP what are your kids good at?
can you sing? Can you keep a plant alive? Can you run? Do you enjoy any of these things even if you don’t feel like you’re good at them?

fwiw following crochet instructions on YouTube is absolutely impossible for me too.

also I think you are expressing yourself very well here. And agree that being a mum is a huge deal.

I do get what you mean. I don't want to blow my own trumpet. But I know that I'm extremely caring and I always put others before myself to the extent I end up suffering and not living my life as I would like to.

But there is a mix within that because my heart says put them before myself, how would I feel. And then there's the other part that says I'm a mug.

You have brought up some of the next generation of adults. That's a pretty useful thing to do on a personal and society level. What would you like to learn? Because a lot of the things people have mention are things it would be bloody hard to learn if you didn't want to, unless you had a real aptitude for it. You need to be motivated by desire...

In terms of reading and writing, I teach adults in a further education college, and believe me I have taught people to read and write, that are far worse at writing than you are currently. I can read everything you have written and most of it is spelt correctly. Believe me, we'd all be sitting her wondering what you were on about if you were properly terrible at writing and spelling. I'd say you are at about Entry 2-3 for writing. If you actually want to improve, contact a local further education college. I'm sure you would be able to access a course at the right level. There are lots of Teaching Assistants in these places who will help those who find it harder.

I know this sounds sort of silly and odd to say since I have been the one talking about it . But im almost not bothered about the education side of it. The main reason I mention it is because most people expect others to have a standard education maybe GCSE level . I don't have that so I find myself over explaining it . And even when I do there's comments like just do a course. Just practice , keep trying. So it would probably be even more comments like that if I said nothing at all . ( this is not a dig at people who have suggested them things).

It sounds so stupid but sometimes it would be nice to have something physical. And feel proud I did that .

I tried to do couch to 5k once or twice i couldn't even slow Jog for 20 seconds. I can sing like wailing cat. I can kill plastic plants.

Most people are not just mums though are they ... they work, have friends, social life , intrests. obviously not everyone has that but most have at least 2 of them thiings .

Predictive text is doing it for me . So its not really my 100% true writing . When I used to have a laptop there were different colour zigzags under most of my writing. I know i was doing something wrong . Sod knows what though. I'm not bothered by the actual education side of it as I can get by generally.

Honestly, your spelling and grammar is not bad (better than many!) and you express yourself very eloquently. You show obvious intelligence; you can see the complexity of your situation and you are self reflective. I don't work in education, but find it easy to agree with @stichguru that you already have a solid basis to build on should you ever want or need to.

Give it try if you think it would be healing, but equally don't beat yourself up about it if it is just not clicking.

My MIL once described me as a 'very sensible' woman and it's one of my favourite compliments. You also sound like a very sensible woman and someone I could happily chat to for hours about parenting and life in general.

But having friends, a social life, or interests doesn’t depend on you having qualifications, talents or a job…?

I totally get where you are coming from as I always base my self worth on ability too, but I try to turn that around. You don't have to be good at anything to live a good life, being good at things is over rated. Barely anyone else cares if you are good at something and to balance out those who do, some will be annoyed by it. Just be yourself and focus on doing things you enjoy rather than trying to accomplish something.

I think it sort of can in away . There are a couple of words in this thread and on lots of other threads on mn. That I don't know the meaning to . So if there was say 3 people having a chat and they use them words im at a disadvantage straight away because I can't follow the conversation because of the words that are being used .

People often make friends at work.

Talents can depend on education kind of . Or maybe I'm getting a bit mixed up not sure . But if I wanted to do cross stitch ( example) I'm shown how /watch how or told how . I will forget very quickly so then I won't be able to actually do it. And isn't education about taking things in and learning.

And most of what I wrote is me being a hypocrite because I don't even want friends ( well sort of not) I'm very anti social. I think I'm saying it because I want to be normal

You sound like a caring and thoughtful person. Dyslexia will make a lot of things hard. And things like learning to crochet from YouTube is NOT easy - I have a PhD and still can't do that.

Is care work something that would appeal as a job? Either childcare or care for elderly people? You can start work and then earn certificates too.

Does it really matter about " achieving " something or being good at something in life? Really? We're all heading to the same place ultimately and no ones going to be talking about your five degrees, three homes and your business empire when you've passed over... whereas you being a good mum and a caring friend WILL be remembered and be your lasting legacy to those whose lives you've touched. Those attributes are far more important imo. Live your life as best as you can, cherish your children and stop comparing yourself to others. Who cares if you can't drive, don't have a gcse, have a good job or loads of money - they are just " things" when it comes down to it. Give yourself a break and focus on finding your happiness, no matter how 'small' it may compare to others.

I feel like im going to contradict myself on every post now 😅. I don't actually want to work. I hate being around people I get extremely anxious if someone talks to me i feel like its the end of the world. I also have chikdren with special needs and alot going on in life so I don't have the time really.

I suppose I'm saying I would like to like being around people but I don't.