Re: OH didn’t say anything

[SadSandwich]

I was driving me and OH in town today and a lorry driver started literally shouting at me for my driving - I hadn’t done anything wrong he just thought I should have pulled into a gap rather than waiting for him to pass further up. Totally unnecessary from the lorry driver and more so that the lorry driver stopped next to my car as he was passing (hence why it was unreasonable because there was loads of room for the lorry to pass where I chose to stop) and started berating me. I said he was unreasonable and why was he stopping when he could pass, leave me alone etc. and my OH just sat there and didn’t do anything or say anything - just sat there. The lorry driver didn’t swear or raise his voice but was rude and thoroughly unpleasant. It was just mean and bullish.

And when we continued I said to my OH why hadn’t he said anything and he said well you were handling it. It wasn’t that big of a deal in his view.

I’m home now but I can’t shake just how let down I feel by my OH. Like I was abandoned. Is it not that big of a deal? Am I reading something that’s not there? Couldn’t he have said something at the time? He was just so indifferent.

I can't believe these comments. I don't NEED my DH to stand up for me but I want him to be automatically annoyed if someone in the wrong starts an argument with me. He's supposed to be on my side, we're a team.

Regardless, it doesn't matter who the people involved are, I'd stand up for my sister if she were the one driving for example.

Is it that he was just so uninvolved afterwards that annoys you more?
I think in that situation, he could have defused the tension within you by saying something in your support.

Worse case scenario (well 2 of them) is that he thinks the lorry driver was in the right, so that's why he kept quiet afterwards.
Or...he has never come to your defence and you suspect he may be a bit of a wimp.

We had training in how to de-escalate potential aggressive situations and a woman arguing with a man is mush less likely to flare up. You were driving and you handled it. Your husband did the right thing.

Nope, you’re not unreasonable.

I can well and truly handle myself but I’d still expect my OH to do one of two things: 1) say SOMETHING at the time, even if it’s not super confrontational to the other driver e.g. “alright we’ve heard you, drive on”, or 2) stay silent at the time but afterwards acknowledge that I had the situation under control and agree that the other driver was an idiot. Support and validate your partner, have their back!

To stay silent even afterwards suggests some kind of contempt IMO and it shows that he’s not bothered by other people hurting or aggressing you.

A minor to and fro between you and a lorry driver? What’s there to comment on really? (And he may have thought you could have moved in earlier or whatever so thought it best not to say anything).

YABU, I imagine your DH was keeping stum because all it would do was rile you back up. Or he agreed with the lorry driver 🤷‍♀️

What exactly did you want from him OP? My DH definitely wouldn't have said anything in this situation either, he knows I am fiesty and will stand up for myself. He wouldn't want to dwell on it and talk about it afterwards either. I'm sure if he felt the man was being actually physically threatening, he would have stepped in.

I would find that hurtful and dismissive, and really rather cold.

I don't really understand what you wanted/want from him?

I agree it was probably best he didn't get involved in the argument as it could have escalated it. But after he should have checked you were ok/showed he cared.

My DH wouldn't either, but he has road rage himself and often think I'm an annoying driver and agree with the angry party that what I did was wrong

My dh would have said something but he'd try to say something calming.
I get annoyed at him sometimes as he even tried to intervene when a policeman pulled me over and I was handling it!
Just because the passenger intervened, it doesn't have to be confrontational.
The passenger can have an impact in calming a situation down.

He defo should have said something, no real man would let another man berate their wife. YANBU
The people who say you’re in the wrong are too woke to understand this concept

What nonsense

Why does a stranger lorry driver need to be impressed with. @SadSandwich ?

In this situation I would not expect DH to get involved, as the driver you handled it.

The 1950s are gone dear. Women are well able to manage situations without so called "real" men .

women like you need to stop kidding on they could take on big bad men by themselves. if the day ever comes that you’re in a situation and one of these characters tries to hurt you you’ll be wishing you had a REAL man to protect you.
wish it was the 1950s people made more sense!

@Marblesbackagain ^

Or you're too stuck in the Victorian era to understand the concept of women sticking up for themselves.

I expect you would've needed smelling salts, had the lorry driver spoke to you in such a cad-like manner 🙄

Hilarious, I have never had the need for a real man as you call it. Because I have men iny life that know damn well I would floor them first before I play the damsel🤣🤣🤣

He probably saw it as a none event which in the big scheme of things it was

😆
DuncanMeBiscuit....that made me smile.

I think there is a difference between the husband acting all macho and turning a minor driving altercation into a caveman shouting match at best, fisticuffs at worse...or an agreeable "what a dick" comment, to the wife, after she has handled it and everyone has gone on their merry way.

Yeah, yeah, real man, yawn. I bet you're a nightmare in rl.