I feel like Christmas is just a load of making yourself unhappy to appease other people

[HagTime]

I've realised that Christmas and life in general for women is just an extended sequence of doing shit you don't want to do because it's expected of you.

I'm not doing it anymore. I don't like Christmas, I don't like hosting and cooking and slaving away and setting up beds and endless cleaning.

I don't get to enjoy Christmas because I'm providing Christmas. I'm going on holiday next year.

If someone who doesn’t know me asks how my Christmas prep is going/if I’m excited/what I’m doing I cheerily declare, with a slightly manic grin, “Nothing, I can’t stand it! I’d rather hacksaw my own legs off!” Soon shuts them up.

I've had a lovely time! Don't martyr yourself.

I am honestly on this plane right now. A day full of food prep, followed by a day full of cooking for others, house guests that claim they can't drive to us so need to be picked up and dropped off,
C300 mile trip meaning DH has two whole days in the car and kids miss out on time with their daddy, and we're both back to work tomorrow - not happening next year

Why do people choose to martyr themselves doing stuff that they don't want to do, I wonder?

I don't think they see it as martyrdom. That's not the only explanation and it isnt that simple.

when I read posts from people who are disappointed/aggrieved/disillusioned etc they have often started out with the best intentions to make Christmas as enjoyable as possible for their family, sometimes getting caught up in the inevitable hype on SM and their DH/DP retreating because the expectation and subsequent disappointment brings them down to earth with a crash.

its all very well saying "we've simplified and done what we want this year" well happy days if you have the opportunity. Just reading on this thread if people have elderly family to cater for and aren't getting support from anyone, then it all gets a bit too much for that one person when the rest of the family opt out, and pull the rug from beneath their person they know will be doing all the donkey work.

the pressure on family at Christmas is nuts. I've deliberately taken myself off all forms of mainstream SM because I can't stand all the boasting and perfect family illusions that adds nothing other than irritation, it's all Fake, fake = pressure pressure. 💥

I think part of the issue is many women feel 'obliged' to make it some weird kind of 'ideal- 'look at the number of women you see in town getting into a strop because they forgot some trivial 'thing'such as crackers or figs or dates - I often wonder is it because they really 'need 'these things or is it because them have some self important/ critical/ bossy - mother/in laws/ husband/ child that they are constantly trying to 'keep onside and show what perfect mothers and wives they are?? It's like competitive perfection in many cases.

I rarely see blokes whipping round getting into a fizz about such stuff -many seem more concerned that they have the perfect 'bar' requirements set up-

Haha me too.

However I don't host and we love the carol services and don't have a load of people to appease

100% agree, we have a very relaxed approach to Christmas, just our immediate family. It’s the people trying to manufacture a perfect Christmas that end up disappointed.

Nope, not in my house. What you're describing doesn't happen if you don't stand for it. But if you lay down in front of the door with "doormat" tattooed on your forehead, people will walk all over you.

It can be if those are your circumstances. Whether you have a choice or not on those circumstances, I don't know.

We cook what we want (OH most of it), both shop for DD/each other, stay home, often in pyjamas, no guests or go anywhere, chill, relax etc.

For the past couple of years I've really enjoyed the day itself. But I do what I want to do. I see family, my mum and her partner before and after the big day. I cook a dinner, slightly bigger than a Sunday dinner I don't go OTT. MIL pops over for a few hours for a cuppa and a catch up, gift swapping and a film. Then it's PJs, do what we want, when we want and how we want for the evening. Boxing day is just us now. Today we went to the cinema to see Sonic 3 and had a fab day. Just do what you want to do. There is no right way or wrong way. Some people prefer a huge get together and some prefer a more quiet and chilled Christmas. I am definitely the latter 🙂

I do agree with this. My DM is in her late 80s and I have a 12 year old DD. I love my DM but she is hard work now and as I am widowed I have to do everything.

I always say that ‘my Christmas’ starts on the 27th when everything is done and it’s just back to DD and I at home again!

I love Christmas. I'm a single parent and I don't have extended family, so I have "done it all". But equally, that means I have created a beautiful time for us all; and we have all honestly enjoyed it.

I like Christmas, but the work is a lot. My ex comes over to see DS both days, all day, and my Dsis who I don’t have a great relation with. Everyone else has a fab time! I want to cut the time but it makes DS v happy so a little tricky now we seem to be in a routine now