I feel like Christmas is just a load of making yourself unhappy to appease other people

[HagTime]

I've realised that Christmas and life in general for women is just an extended sequence of doing shit you don't want to do because it's expected of you.

I'm not doing it anymore. I don't like Christmas, I don't like hosting and cooking and slaving away and setting up beds and endless cleaning.

I don't get to enjoy Christmas because I'm providing Christmas. I'm going on holiday next year.

Me too.

If you aren’t enjoying Christmas then you are doing it wrong. Change it so you do enjoy it.

Don't want to host?
Then don’t host.
Don’t make up loads of beds.
Don’t skivvy away.
Go out for dinner.
Get a takeaway.
Go on holiday.

You don't have to make it all super perfect and I think that's where a lot of the stress comes in with people trying to make a Christmas like the adverts and then throw a big strop when even the little things go wrong. Good enough is good enough. Chill out and enjoy Christmas for what it is: a fancy Sunday with a few bells and whistles.

I think you’re doing it wrong, it doesn’t sound like any Christmas I’ve had. I think you need to decide what makes you happy and do that.

Same. My dad did the cooking in our house growing up and my DH does it now. I - and my mum - do my fair share of other things and we are a team who happen to be male and female. There's no reason in this day and age why there should be a big gender divide around who slaves away and who sits on their arse. If that's how it is in your house, who's going to make the change if not you? Surely it's more beholden on you to switch things up to free the next generation of women rather than land them with the ongoing expectation to be martyrs. (That latter chunk is to the OP and other quoted, not CantHoldMeDown obv).

Not here. It never has been. All the Christmas dinners I've ever had have been cooked largely by men: my stepdad when he was alive, my ex-bils in different years, my dh now... they all seem to enjoy the cooking and the food etc.

Ive not done xmas in years.
This year i buggered off on holiday.

I've had a lovely Christmas. Me and DH shared tidying the house, we cooked on Christmas Eve, for my Mum, again sharing the jobs. It was us and my DD 24 yesterday and we had a lovely morning opening presents and then went out for a curry.
We both buy and wrap the presents for our own families and we always get gifts for each other. We've had a lovely Christmas and it continues today, with my MIL coming for tea. We'll both get up in a bit and put stuff away, make the house presentable. We work as a team.

Well you may feel that way (and apparently a lot on these pages agree) but I enjoy it. When my DH was alive he did the Christmas cooking (and was a tidy cook so not much mess afterwards). I did the decorating but made it clear I was not buying the presents for his side nor doing the Christmas cards to people I didn't know. Now I do it and am happy to - my kids come home and we have a lovely few days. They help out and are appreciative of the gifts and decorations etc.
In life too. Maybe I was lucky but my DH didn't expect me to be the slave in our relationship. I did become a sahp after my second was born but we had a cleaner (I know this is a privilege not available to many).
But in general life IS doing lots of stuff you'd rather not. My son has now left home and my DD is at uni, my parents have passed away and so just me and the animals but I don't like paying bills, cooking, cleaning, shopping any more than when doing it for my family!

I really like it but good for you. No one should be making themself miserable for other people.

I think, contrary to all the hype, a lot of people don't really enjoy Christmas.

A quick perusal of MN will reveal dozens of threads about people having a miserable time, having guests they don't want, doing visiting they don't want to, being forced into routines they don't want to follow etc etc.

I genuinely don't understand why "but it's Christmas" means this need to conform to some idealised norm. If you (and all your family) love the big family get together, then fantastic - get together and have a great time.
If you want a quiet Christmas at home, with convenience food, then, equally, go for it - do what you want.

If you don't see family members the rest of the year, why does the reason why cease to exist at Christmas time?
If you love your family, then spend as much time with them as you like, as I'm sure you do at all times of the year, not restricted to Christmas.

Nope, I'm selfish and proud now when it comes to Christmas. Leaving a shitty relationship with a demanding yet lazy man changed things immeasurably. I love seeing wider family but don't on Christmas day ever.

It completely depends on who you're with.
I was feeling rough yesterday so went back to bed. Dinner was cooked and ready by the time I woke up.

I'm a woman and I've never hosted Christmas. Long term single as well so I've never had to run around after a man and his family. Bugger that.

We don't really do a big family Christmas. It's just our little family...

I've never enjoyed it and consequently I don't do it. I've had family try to get me to join in, but I just tell them I will be gaming all day with naps as and when I want them.

No stress at all.

It is a peaceful, stress free season for the ones who consciously opt out

Don’t expect the massess to respect and understand though

Do it OP. Do it.

Get the Christmas you want.

Some people love doing the whole shooting match, others don't.
No one should feel pressured either way.

If it wasn't for my young kids we would likely spend Christmas abroad. I have a small family, my DF comes to us, DM has dementia and is in a care home. DMIL passed away on Christmas Day when my eldest was a baby, so often my DFIL isolates himself at Christmas.

DH does an amazing job throwing himself into festivities for the sake of our sons. I don't know how he does it. I really struggle keeping up a happy face for the kids and being the only female they have interactions with. Also desperately miss female company and someone buying me girly things the way my DM and DMIL did.

Glad it's over for another year, but hate feeling that way as really want to enjoy these Christmasses while the kids are young.

I've pleased myself for years and generally don't do anything I don't want to. My sister loves hosting at Christmas. She plans all year what she's going to cook and this year catered for 10 people.

No one respects a martyr.

I haven't done any cooking or hosting, my sister did it yesterday and dm doing a buffet today. My family are very easy going and we just all easily fit in with each other. DPs retired, dsis works part time, I'm the only one working full time (60+ hpw) so no one really expects me to do much! I enjoy gift buying and wrapping so that's not a chore, and my dc are easily pleased and good company. I'm enjoying some time off work, I don't bend over backwards to accommodate anyone because no one around me expects it!

I consciously opt out and haven’t had any grief over it. Not that I’d care if I did!

Lucky you.

I tottaly opted out 10 years ago but had been slowly doing so since 2005.

I still receive some grief and some new people giving me fuuny looks or asking ‘but why’???? others giving soft blow jabs and others trying to make me come around or

What is your secret?

Like-minded friends who respect me, tiny family that doesn’t give a fuck about Christmas, a reputation as someone who says and does what they like and won’t take shit, I guess is my secret

Got it

I don’t have issues with friends at least

It is mainly family (especially the elderly) who are attached to the traditions and pretend they don’t know I’m not or will come around somehow and new people I meet at work or whatever who can’t wrap their head around someone not taking part in the celebrations of ‘the most wonderful time of the year’

I shall declare from now on that I have an allergy ans change the topic

Anything in life is bound to be crap if you are doing things you don't want to do to appease other people.

Christmas is nothing special in this regard.