Help me I feel I'm going to a bad place

[LollypOPz5]

I can feel myself getting really down and lost. Overwhelmed and tired. I have had a few awful months. My boyfriend ended up relapsing onto drugs and got involved with someone who basically took over his life and our relationship. I basically didn't see him for 2 months and knew he was lying left right and center. He's not the same person anymore. He's medically unwell. He has so much mess around him now. I did withdraw from the relationship and ended it as it was at a point of no return for me. I then made the mistake of getting involved with someone I've known a long time who was also coming out of a relationship. He did a disappearing act after a few times together. I get it before people point this out. You don't rebound or get involved with others. You learn to be alone for a while. I get it. I'm over that anyway. It didn't bother me for more than 3 or 4 days.

Work is driving me crazy. I took on a part time job of seven hour days 4 times a week whilst my kids are primary age. I start at 7 am and get home for 2.45 in the afternoons. My boss has been messaging constantly pestering over the Christmas period. I'm already doing 5 shifts in a row over new year instead of 3 in a row. But she has asked me to work Christmas day which I said no. Then she woke me up at 5am asking if I'd do a shift today. My kids are here and I have planned my Christmas around my rota. So it's a no. But I have been unable to turn off my brain for my 2 days off and I've felt irritable snappy and Overwhelmed.

I'm not one to complain about being tired. I'm usually OK. But I'm tired. My body won't stay asleep past 5am. My sons up by half 6. I can't ever lie in. The tiredness has really caught up with me and it's awful.

I've woken up this morning. I feel so Overwhelmed. I need to tidy up after yesterday. I need to take my mums birthday cards round. I want to be with my kids but they will go back to their dad's later as I have work for the next 3 days. Although I will see them after work. I feel like there's so much to do and the worst part about it is I feel sad 24/7. Its mild. But it feels like abit of depression. It's not like me. But it's there all the time. I'm always worried about work and how people truly feel about me. I'm always worried about being alone forever. I'm always worried how ill afford to survive one day because life is so expensive. I am renting. I feel vulnerable and like I have no real security.

Also why is it whenever I think I'm safe talking to a male at work etc they always always try push it into another category. One of my colleagues has been with his partner 15 years. Because of this I thought he was perfectly mature and safe to be friends with. I told him about the first paragraph in this post and now he's testing the waters. I cannot cope with it. I just can't stand people at the moment. I just want to scream!

Thank you but it has nothing to do with my childhood. My parents are still married. If anything I had no insight into the above as a child because I had a stable family.

I think the PP was suggesting it will be affecting your children.

I'm sorry things are tough. It might be worth speaking to your GP. Anti-depressants might help you get through for a month or two?

I don’t have any real words of advice for you but I fully understand how you feel.

Work has been really awful in the run up to Christmas and I also have a boss who thinks nothing of WhatsApp-ing whenever they feel like it. It gets too much sometimes and like you say you can’t ever switch off.

Im a single parent too and I constantly worry about survival and what the future looks like. This year has been brutal financially and I can’t face another year like that in 2025. I can’t see anything changing though so it’s likely to ge much the same. This year has taken its toll.

Take care of yourself

First things first. Put your phone on Do not disturb. You can do it so certain people can still contact you. Do not accept any extra
shifts. Consider going off sick. Is your boyfriend your DC’s Dad?
Sod tidying up. Go and see your Mum. Try to spend time with people who bring you joy!

Is your children's dad the drug addict?

Wow so you want to chip away at me further when I feel already worthless and like I can't face life.

We separated and he's not my children's dad.

You sound worn out. You need more stability and less drama, take the next few months to focus on your family and relaxing activities like walks and board games

You need to get a new hobby. Berating someone online when they're already low and asking for support is a shitty one.

Thank you. Its all just got on top of me. I feel like im being pulled in so many directions and everyone's asking for a piece of me and I have nothing left to give. The future looks bleak at the moment. I hope you have a better year too. The messaging throughout Christmas eve and christmas day and 5am boxing day has really made me feel smothered.

Please ignore them, I've reported their post. You sound like you need proper support, at least see your GP and get signed off sick from that awful job while figuring out your next move.

I do need a break. I have one extra day of in January on the 11th so I'll have 4 days off. I know I just need to start somewhere. We have 3 birthdays in the 3 days after Christmas too. It's My sons on thr 28th. So It feels nothing stops this week and work is making me feel like it doesn't allow for family time.

I’m sorry to hear it, OP, it sounds hard. Your boss is out of order asking you to do extra shifts, but you are within your rights to refuse - can you say that you can’t leave your children?

Personally in your situation, I would head to the doctor and see what they say. If you’re in a real state you might get signed off work for a few days. Regather yourself, look into finding a new job, or at least spend some time steeling yourself to stand firm on your work boundaries. If you don't want to go to the doctors, you could look into some cognitive behavioural techniques that might work against sliding into depression. One technique is for every negative thought that you have, force yourself to think about three positives of the situation this reshape your brain into viewing things more positively.

For example, re work you could tell yourself - it's good that I am needed at work - better busy than not, it's good that I have a job rather than being unemployed at the moment, it's good that I have a job while looking for a new job because often it's easier to find a new job when you're already employed. Obviously some of this will feel like you're bullshitting yourself a bit, but the idea is to help your brain to see the positives, so the over time your brain becomes more positive!

Re the guy who might be trying it on the positive might be - I am attractive to men, it's an easy rebuff since he has a partner, I figured out his game already so I can cut it off early - at least I'm getting better at protecting myself. Again, the point of this is to give your brain different things to think instead of thinking I can't cope with men trying it on, why does this always happen, et cetera et cetera - the downward spiral of negative thinking that can lead to depression.

You did the right thing ditching the ex - ignore the PP (horrible comment!), you should feel good about making that decision for yourself and your children. But it sounds like you could do with realising that you are worth more than you seem to think, to give you the confidence to continue to set boundaries that protect you from being exploited at work and from entering into unhealthy relationships. You are worth it!

I would spend some time thinking about all the good things that you have done, all the things that you like about yourself and remember that this is who you are, and that things will get better.

Big hugs xxx

edited to remove typos

@WaryOpalFish OP needs to recharge and has come here for a vent

Considering he's gone and they didn't spend time with him as we didn't move in together. They are with me 4 to 5 nights a week and their dad the other. They haven't been exposed to anything. He didn't even do drugs around me. It was in his own house away from us. But that doesn't change the fact he started using cocaine and when he was bringing stress to me I ended it.

Op in the kindest way and I'm not trying to be an arse, I think take the focus off men.

You are vulnerable right now and as you're realising, a lot of men appear nice and supportive but they are looking for exactly that, to rope in a vulnerable woman to then treat like shit.

Stop telling male friends and colleagues personal things unless you can trust them.

Get your boyfriend out of your life as he's dragging you down.

Yeah I know I agree. I'm not looking for a man I just want to feel happy in general. I feel I'm stuck constantly feeling like shit because of people's behaviour. I really want to feel like im not a failure. But I feel like one.

You sound sad and overwhelmed. I hope you can get to the doctor and get signed off work. Don’t bother tidying up