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Original poster

Why does my boss keep touching me? Is it a hospitality industry thing?

49 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 25/12/2024 23:13

Firstly I've just got in from work (waitress) in case anyone asks why I'm posting this on Xmas day.

Today my boss has told me I look beautiful, lightly massaged my neck briefly whilst saying "you were amazing today", put his hands on either side of my waist when I had my back to him for no reason then apologised, rubbed past me whilst I had my back to him when there was plenty of room and again apologised.

I'm 15 years older than him. He is quite touchy feely in general. He has told me he's attracted to older women but I don't in general sense he's attracted to me...I'm just not sure if he's trying to bond and I'm a bit formal?

I'm New to the hospitality industry...is this all normal? I don't feel upset by it but I've only been there three weeks and it is escalating and I find it a bit odd all in all. In an office environment this wouldn't be normal.

I can be a bit formal...is it an attempt to bond?

He also asked me to take a selfie with him today and didn't ask anyone else (that I saw).

I guess the issue is I'm.not currently offended but if it went further then it really isn't appropriate and I'm not sure what if anything he is trying to communicate?

Grateful for any insights

OP posts:
spottedinthewilds · 25/12/2024 23:15

He's a perve! And very inappropriate

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 25/12/2024 23:16

It wasn’t uncommon when I worked in hospitality 20 years ago. Doesn’t mean it eas acceptable then and it isn’t now.

It’s sexual harassment OP.

FionnulaTheCooler · 25/12/2024 23:16

He sounds like a pervy fucker who is pushing the boundaries to see how far he can go. I'd probably be looking for another job if I were you, sounds like a toxic environment.

saveforthat · 25/12/2024 23:17

He's a creep. Move away and say "don't touch me" next time he does it. If he does it again, escalate to HR if you have HR or Regional Manager/next in line up the chain.

Mmhmmn · 25/12/2024 23:17

💯 this.

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 25/12/2024 23:20

Ohhhhh....this has surprised me.

Whats weird is if he were closer to my age I'd think it was Perry

Somehow because to me he is so young it just doesn't seem credible there's a sexual motivation

But as I type that I realise that he could well have counted on that if I did complain..
He is very good looking and I guess the reaction would be that it was in my head....

I really like the job...this is unfortunate

OP posts:
BookGoblin · 25/12/2024 23:20

I witnessed this exact behavior in a well known French chain recently. I almost asked the waitress if she was ok...

Yes it's common, no it's not ok.

FuriousPoodle · 25/12/2024 23:20

Of course it’s normal. You’ll probably see him massaging the men’s necks occasionally. You know, to bond.

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 25/12/2024 23:24

FuriousPoodle · 25/12/2024 23:20

Of course it’s normal. You’ll probably see him massaging the men’s necks occasionally. You know, to bond.

The thing is he does hug the men and say things like "God Dan you're so fucking handsome aren't you" or "you're ripped you make me think I should work out more"....so he kind of does have this generalised approach!

OP posts:
Frankbeverleyandthebutlers · 25/12/2024 23:26

It's a creep bastard thing not a normal thing.

BigSilly · 25/12/2024 23:28

This was what it was like when u was a waitress as a teen in the late 80s early 90s, and exactly the same for my daughters now

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 25/12/2024 23:31

BigSilly · 25/12/2024 23:28

This was what it was like when u was a waitress as a teen in the late 80s early 90s, and exactly the same for my daughters now

Which is both sad and depressing.

I'm 47 though. He isn't like this with the young ones...perhaps a case of transference? Ie he knows it would be creepy to touch the 17 year olds but wants to...so he touches me??

God men are weird.

OP posts:
NoBinturongsHereMate · 25/12/2024 23:31

Blatant harassment. Shut it down, via HR, before it goes any further.

KhakiOrca · 25/12/2024 23:34

I will be flamed for this. But it was normal back in my 20s. I’m 53 now.
you could tell him to duck off.

CheatsAtScrabble · 25/12/2024 23:35

Nope this isn’t a hospitality industry thing this is a creepy boss thing.

KhakiOrca · 25/12/2024 23:36

I mean fuck off. Just noticed you aren’t far off my age. Have u always had this?

EllieRosesMammy · 25/12/2024 23:37

Yes this is common in the hospitality industry - but it does not mean it's okay. I've worked in the industry my entire working life (13 years now) and it's definetely a super sexualised industry, but there's still boundaries that you don't cross - especially when you can tell the other person isn't into it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Cornishskies · 25/12/2024 23:39

Owned a restaurant for 20+ year, several family members & friends worked in hospitality for most of their working lives , not normal/accepted behaviour in my experience.
Obviously creeps being inappropriate is possible in any area of work.

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 25/12/2024 23:41

EllieRosesMammy · 25/12/2024 23:37

Yes this is common in the hospitality industry - but it does not mean it's okay. I've worked in the industry my entire working life (13 years now) and it's definetely a super sexualised industry, but there's still boundaries that you don't cross - especially when you can tell the other person isn't into it 🤦🏻‍♀️

I wonder if he thinks, with me being so much older, that I'd be flattered?

He doesn't seem like a bad guy...but I think his age is throwing me and I'm.being a lot more forgivingborcwillingvyo ascribe naivety than I would if he were older.

The neck massage thing was to me sexualised touch because both of how it was done and the fact he was whispering in my ear "you were amazing today". That was right at the end of the day and I'm struggling with that being accidental.

OP posts:
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 25/12/2024 23:41

He’s a massive pervy creep. Knee him in the balls the next time. And try to develop some boundaries. This sort of thing is not normal.

Pickles2025 · 25/12/2024 23:44

Sounds like omg behaviours

noobiedoobie · 25/12/2024 23:45

I was a waitress in the late 90s/00s. The culture was more relaxed, innuendos etc., but touching? Nooo, that's creepy and uncomfortable. I'd want to draw a line under that ASAP. Could you just be blunt? Where you wrote this sounded quite honest:

I've only been there three weeks and it is escalating and I find it a bit odd all in all. In an office environment this wouldn't be normal.

It depends if he's a total knob though.

Pickles2025 · 25/12/2024 23:45

basically your his Mrs Robinson from the sounds of it,

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 25/12/2024 23:45

Not meaning you’re at fault for not having boundaries, more that you must try to work on this, because it is worrying that you didn’t recognise this for what it was immediately.

tellmesomethingtrue · 25/12/2024 23:47

How are you unable to decide if this is inappropriate or not? Have you been under a rock?

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