First Christmas alone after 27 years after wife's death.

[allthelittleangelsriseupriseup]

This Christmas will be my first one alone since 1997 - my wife died suddenly on the 15th October and the bottom fell out of my world.
We were a same sex couple and things were not easy to be out and proud then.
Apart from time she spent in hospital, we only spent 1 night apart in 27 years.
She died very suddenly due to a pulmonary embolism and I've spent the last 2 months desperately trying to sort out funeral, paperwork etc.
I've also had 2 bouts of shingles and a bout of pneumonia, now have had to change my anticoagulant as I am severely anaemic.
Now it's Christmas and it's me and the dogs.
I have got some nice picky food in, so I don't have to cook and I put up a small tree up in the lounge.
I'm exhausted and don't know why I'm going on.
I know things will get better, but at the moment I can't see the end of it all.
Thanks for sticking with me so far.
Merry Christmas.

I'm so so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you had a wonderful love for her. I hope you manage to get a little peace and happiness tomorrow.

So sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself any way you can.

Aww so sorry. Have a very relaxing day tomor and watch a lot of tv. Sounds like she was very special

Oh how awful for you - sorry can't think of anything useful to say

Merry Christmas OP. I’m so sorry for your loss.

My wonderful friend and surrogate father died in September and it’s his husband’s first Christmas without him in 27 years too. His husband is also choosing to spend it alone despite many invitations, so I have a window to your experience. He was the most incredible man and the world is dull without him.

Well done for getting some nice food and putting the tree up, honestly that’s huge in a time like this. No wonder you’re exhausted, carrying on is exhausting. It will get easier as you know, but it won’t be easy this week and that’s fair enough. You don’t need to rush through.
Are there any traditions you had together you’re hoping to carry on?

So very sorry OP.

Tell us about your wife (if you feel able and want to). It would be nice to know more.

I am very sorry to hear about your wife. The suddeness of your loss, after 27 years of deep love and braving the world together, would be extremely traumatic. I know shingles is a stress response from first hand experience. Take care of yourself, especially tomorrow 💐

Oh I’m so so sorry op, what a terribly hard thing to go through. I know pets are an amazing comfort and that will be some help, but is there anyone else you can talk to, friends or family who could visit or phone, or do you not feel ready? Some counselling might help too if you feel overwhelmed, once Christmas is out of the way.

i hope you can have a peaceful day tomorrow and that MN can help too

Sending you peace and love OP. I hope tomorrow you can find some peaceful moments. I know any thoughts of your wife will be bittersweet. Take care of yourself and rest up.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.

It’s very early days, I'm impressed you have managed to prepare a simple day and have some decorations. Take the time to rest and remember the better times. It can feel really hollow to start with but I think these rituals help us feel connected to others.

I’m so sorry for your loss… It must be so hard to know who you are without your person. You’ve been through so much. I hope you have friends and family to lean on. (And maybe a dog or cat as well…)

Hugs, OP. You've done well just to get to this point; spend tomorrow just resting and remembering. Come back to this thread if you need a hand hold. I'll be thinking of you.

I'm so sorry.

I lost my husband early 2021 after nearly 27 years of marriage. All the firsts are really hard.

It's normal to experience extreme tiredness in the situation that you're in. I never know what to say to people, even though I've been there. Sending hugs.

If you ever look at Twitter, you sometimes find widows posting there under the hashtag #grief. You may not be ready for it now, but there are same sex couples posting about their experiences and feelings there and I know that there are women who understand exactly what you mean about it not having been easy to be out and proud.

I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope your Christmas goes as well as possible in the circumstances.
Your partner sounded awesome.

Oh gosh I am sorry. Look after yourself. Hope you manage to have a nice day anyway tomorrow with the doggos. 🐶 Thinking of you. 💞 Hope you are OK!

sending you love and strength and the joy of all your memories together x

So sorry for your loss. 27 years is a long time. I'm sure it's still very raw and a shock for you.
Be kind to yourself and get plenty rest. Have you friends and family that can support you?
Christmas is such a hard time for so many people. This year is the first without my husband of 24 years who walked out in October. Sending love OP.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. Be gentle with yourself.
MN is still pretty active on Christmas Day, so I'm sure there'll be others around if you fancy some company.

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you so much love; grief is so painful, and I have yet to experience the precise form you are, but I just wanted you to know there's someone here raising a glass to you and your wife. ❤️

Such early days op.
Go very gently.

Im so sorry to hear your sad news. I can only imagine how much you miss her. I hope you can at least have a peaceful and restful Day tomorrow xx

I m so sorry for you loss. Your wife sounds like she was just fabulous. How did you meet? Sending love and strength to you x

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely wife. Christmas is a difficult time with grief but I hope your memories of Christmases past help comfort you. Be kind to yourself xx

Many condolences on the loss of your beloved wife. You've had a really rough time and it's not unusual to have health problems after a bereavement; as a pp says, shingles tends to emerge if you're stressed or run-down.

Be kind to yourself. You've done well to organise some food and a tree - that's a lot more than many people could have managed. I hope tomorrow is as pleasant as it can be for you and your dogs. 💐