First Christmas alone after 27 years after wife's death.

[allthelittleangelsriseupriseup]

This Christmas will be my first one alone since 1997 - my wife died suddenly on the 15th October and the bottom fell out of my world.
We were a same sex couple and things were not easy to be out and proud then.
Apart from time she spent in hospital, we only spent 1 night apart in 27 years.
She died very suddenly due to a pulmonary embolism and I've spent the last 2 months desperately trying to sort out funeral, paperwork etc.
I've also had 2 bouts of shingles and a bout of pneumonia, now have had to change my anticoagulant as I am severely anaemic.
Now it's Christmas and it's me and the dogs.
I have got some nice picky food in, so I don't have to cook and I put up a small tree up in the lounge.
I'm exhausted and don't know why I'm going on.
I know things will get better, but at the moment I can't see the end of it all.
Thanks for sticking with me so far.
Merry Christmas.

So very sorry OP x That's a desperately hard loss.
Hope you can manage to have a peaceful day.

You're doing amazing ❤️

One foot in front of the other, taking each day as it comes.

Well done for putting up the tree and getting food in. It's not easy so your wife will be proud of you.

I’m so sorry for you loss , look after yourself have a peaceful day tomorrow 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss, op. A huge well done for putting up a tree and getting some nice food in - that's huge considering how you are feeling.

I hope your day is calm and peaceful, and I hope you are kind to yourself especially over the next few days.

Sorry for your loss
I hope you have family, friends to support you if needed or just be alone with your thoughts and your doggy.
Hope you can through tomorrow as best you can.

I’m so very sorry for your loss.
The firsts are very hard. I hope you’re feeling a bit better now. I also hope your day is as good as it can be tomorrow. Lots of doggy cuddles.

1997 was the year I started uni, and the year I first met someone who was openly gay (where I grew up … not really possible). 1997 feels like a million years ago, but I remember it just like yesterday (well, I’m peri so I don’t remember much about yesterday but poetically speaking, I remember 1997 really well).

15th October also happens to be the anniversary of my own mum’s sudden death. It has been years, but I still find Christmas very hard.

I don’t think there’s anything I can say to comfort you except you spent 27 years with someone you loved, and that special person would want you to spend your remaining years contentedly. Happiness may not be within your grasp for a long time, but when you find glimmers of relief from the grief, don’t squash them. It’s okay to enjoy your picky food, and have a good romp with the dogs in one of the warmest Christmas days I can recall. It’s okay to smile watching a favourite film, and feel relaxed in a bubble bath with a glass of Baileys. And obviously you can bawl your eyes out if you need to (top tip: Avoid triggering this with sentimental Christmas songs or by looking at old photos).

I am so sorry for your loss! It sounds like you are carrying on very bravely! Please be gentle with yourself and don’t ask too much of yourself. Baby yourself as much as you can.

I have no words, Im so sorry to hear about your wife. Sending big hugs though.

So sorry for your loss.

This must be so tough. Things will get better but they don't have to yet. It's okay to feel heartbroken and lost right now. It's a completely understandable response. I'm glad you have the dogs for affection and company that doesn't require making any effort to be sociable.

I hope you get some solace from happy memories together, and that next year things start to get easier for you.

Op, sending you a hug

I'm very sorry for your loss. Thinking about you and wishing you strength but also hoping you give yourself space to grieve however you need

So sorry OP.

I hope tomorrow is the best it can be at a sad time. Enjoy whatever glimmers appear x

Thanks to everyone who took time out of their busy schedules to comment on the thread - you are all so kind. I needed to step away from the thread last night, but I couldn't believe how many people had commented when I logged back on this morning.
Going to have a quiet day today- lots of smoked salmon and Wallace and Grommit.
Hope you all have a lovely Christmas!

Happy Christmas OP 🎄thinking of you and hope it’s a good day.

I'm so sorry.

Have an easy day today - don't expect too much of yourself, look after yourself, remember your wife.

Take each minute as it comes. Rest up.

Hope you're having a nice relaxed day OP. This must be very hard for you.

Thinking of you today @allthelittleangelsriseupriseup

Sending you my warmest wishes OP

I'm sorry OP, it must be so hard for you having been together for all those years. Take care of yourself x

I'm so sorry for your loss @ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea.

I hope you're able to have a nice quiet day today - we're looking forward to W&G later as well 🙂.