Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Boss punched the table & shouted at me.

86 replies

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 21/12/2024 21:44

Boss has a favourite employee, said employee (let’s call her Pat) was extremely rude to me so I told her not to speak to me like that. The whole office heard it and of course spoke about it to each other and to me.

Pat then went to the boss (owner) and told what happened and said that I was gossiping about her and making her look bad and that I had hurt her feelings.

It’s all very immature and I’ve never had this kind of behaviour in a work place before. Anyway, boss calls me into the office and goes crazy at me. How dare I upset Pat, he shouted so loudly that everyone in the office heard every word he said to me. He punched the table, wouldn’t let me speak or stand up for myself or explain what actually happened. This lasted about 10 minutes until I walked outside and gathered my thoughts.

Needless to say, I was extremely upset and embarrassed. I sat at my desk and cried.

I honestly don’t know what to do. We don’t have HR because it’s only 4 staff + the boss.

I’ve only been there 2 years and don’t want to leave because I love my job. Any advice much appreciated as I can’t even sleep replaying this back over and over.

OP posts:
EvelynBeatrice · 21/12/2024 23:03

Don’t leave. Speak to a solicitor and claim constructive dismissal

EvelynBeatrice · 21/12/2024 23:03

Better to leave with a lump sum

Lookwhoitisnae · 21/12/2024 23:05

Similar happened to me. Except I'd been there 13 years and my 'Pat' only two years.
The unfairness and favouritism depressed me so in the end I had to quit. I loved my job, it was perfect for me. But I valued myself more.
You could try ACAS or raising a greivance but sometimes its not worth the mental energy.
Being out of that toxic environment has been huge! I was lucky I set up a wee business but frankly I'd have been happy doing supermarket work or anything!
I'm sorry this happened to you too but sometimes its time to move on.

Maboscelar · 21/12/2024 23:07

I've just left a job where my boss shouted at me and made me cry on more than one occasion. It took me a year to actually leave and my biggest regret is not doing it immediately. Follow some of the excellent advice here, and go. There's no coming back from this, you will always be on edge with him now. I ended up with severe anxiety which went away the day after I left.

Ottersmith · 21/12/2024 23:16

weirdoboelady · 21/12/2024 22:50

You could, of course, resign. I would hold on, and write to the boss something like the below.

Dear Mr NotFrank

I am writing to record formally the events of [date], which proceeded as follows.

  1. Pat was very rude to me, and I challenged this behaviour.
  2. Pat reported this to you.
  3. You called me into your office. In the subsequent meeting you refused to listen to anything I had to say about the matter, shouted at me, and punched the table.
  4. Other staff members were called into the office during this meeting, and when questioned they supported my version of events, but you refused to listen to them.

I am putting the record of this event in writing as I was extremely distressed by your threatening and unprofessional behaviour during the meeting, which was loud enough to be overheard by the rest of the office. I am considering whether this behaviour, combined with your refusal to give me an opportunity to state what actually happened, constitutes constructive dismissal. Please retain a copy of this letter on my personnel file, as whatever my decision now, I shall certainly take formal action in the event that such behaviour is repeated.

Yours etc

If you could also get written statements from other staff about what happened, these can only be helpful. Gird your loins, though - if he is as arrogant a pig as he sounds, he may double down on the behaviour. If he does, THEN is the time to walk out, and to raise an Employment Tribunal.

Yes you have to do something like this. And check your rights. Don't let him get away with it.

justasking111 · 21/12/2024 23:19

LivelyMintViper · 21/12/2024 21:52

Just add I think you have a good case for constructive dismissal.

So do I

Imissmypuppy · 21/12/2024 23:24

DDs teacher slammed a frying pan on her desk and shouted at dd (dd had cooked something incorrectly). I pulled the teacher up on her behaviour - she accused me of being a bully because I told her firmly that her behaviour was unacceptable - wouldn't accept someone behaving like this - ever!

PowerTulle · 21/12/2024 23:24

Sounds like Pat knows where all his skeletons are buried.

Dont leave. Freak them all out by being extra super nice while you do minimum work, collect your pay and look for another job (on company time).

LEWWW · 21/12/2024 23:25

weirdoboelady · 21/12/2024 22:50

You could, of course, resign. I would hold on, and write to the boss something like the below.

Dear Mr NotFrank

I am writing to record formally the events of [date], which proceeded as follows.

  1. Pat was very rude to me, and I challenged this behaviour.
  2. Pat reported this to you.
  3. You called me into your office. In the subsequent meeting you refused to listen to anything I had to say about the matter, shouted at me, and punched the table.
  4. Other staff members were called into the office during this meeting, and when questioned they supported my version of events, but you refused to listen to them.

I am putting the record of this event in writing as I was extremely distressed by your threatening and unprofessional behaviour during the meeting, which was loud enough to be overheard by the rest of the office. I am considering whether this behaviour, combined with your refusal to give me an opportunity to state what actually happened, constitutes constructive dismissal. Please retain a copy of this letter on my personnel file, as whatever my decision now, I shall certainly take formal action in the event that such behaviour is repeated.

Yours etc

If you could also get written statements from other staff about what happened, these can only be helpful. Gird your loins, though - if he is as arrogant a pig as he sounds, he may double down on the behaviour. If he does, THEN is the time to walk out, and to raise an Employment Tribunal.

Please do this OP. Stand your ground and don’t let him bully you.

researchers3 · 21/12/2024 23:32

Speak to Acas.
See if you can obtain any evidence from colleagues.
A grievance now may provide some weight in a tribunal.
If you can't face going in or simply don't want to, get signed of sick with work related stress/anxiety and have that on your GP record.
Been there. Not fun.

Original poster
Walkingwithdinosaurs · 22/12/2024 00:00

Yeah I was a bag of nerves the whole day and a week later am still not great. I am having nightmares about it.

Pat revelled in the aftermath, it was galling to witness.

He has done this many times before but never to me, he’s sacked people on the spot for very little, shouts in their faces, calls them names but no one has ever taken him for a tribunal before. In all honesty if you told anytime out side of work they wouldn’t believe it, he’s well know businessman and very well liked. But in work he’s an absolute nightmare.!

OP posts:
rebelrun · 22/12/2024 00:01

OP, for an easy life , leave. You can of course stand your ground (and I would start by privately keeping notes). In my experience it is not worth it. I had a narcissist female boss in a previous role. She also had favourites who used to “spy” and feed back their version of what was happening on the shop floor. Her chosen ones were also bitchy and not the brightest. Boss regularly hauled targeted staff into her office ( based on reports from her evil eyes) and yelled at them until they cried. She would actually just dig deeper if the staff member didn’t crumble initially. no lie, if X was called into her office, we all knew they would come out wet eyed. Male, female, young,old. Most too shocked at the venomous behaviour to put together a dignified response. Some left jobs because they knew it was bullshit, others lost confidence in themselves. Boss was all sweet and light and knew how to present herself to her senior line managers (who were not based locally).
Boss seemed to really believe that she was a good boss, super clever, often spouting about her being door always open, being self reflective, workplace mental first aider. Good lord. She was the one that led to needing a mental health first aider. Makes me cross just thinking about it. She is still there many years later. Her buddies have moved on (she dropped them when they actually needed her for personal problems and they found out that they were actually her pawns and not her friends). She is still (according to ex colleagues) a total narcissist to work for. Workplace continues to struggle, no respect for her but great fear of speaking out (many have tried and failed) but it is public sector and hard to kick people out without sound evidence. Most employees just want to do their time in peace so put up and shut up. She was too smart to leave traceable evidence (e.g bawling people out 1-2-1, never with a witness). Anyway I do believe in Karma.I learnt that she herself had a narcissistic father and hellish childhood. Doesn’t excuse bad behaviour, if anything should enable a better person, not one who revels dishing similar torture that they themselves received.
OP move on. You don’t need that shit at work.

Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead · 22/12/2024 00:02

Heaeing this puts me off working for a small business ever again.
I worked for someone like this, he was vile but l was young and thought you had to suffer it.
He is or was def shagging Pat!
New year, new job op.

2021x · 22/12/2024 00:14
  1. Write down and account of what happened. Dates, times, locations, who said what and who was there ASAP. Do it right now.
  2. Go to the GP and get signed off with stress. 1 to fall apart, 1 to recover and 1 to start enjoying life.
  3. Consider your options. ACAS. A personal grievance is very stressful. The legal route is expensive. I would get another job.
recyclingisaPITA · 22/12/2024 00:23

If your GP writes "stress at work" that helps if you bring an employment tribunal claim, whereas "stress/ depression" etc makes you seem ill or unable to cope, although you can still bring an employment tribunal claim. And yes report to police.

SwordToFlamethrower · 22/12/2024 00:33

He is abusing you

Homebird8 · 22/12/2024 00:53

I think your idea of calmly looking for something else is a good idea. He's never going to respond differently whatever you do or say and you are not going to have the trust you had previously in the organisation or him as a boss.

I one had a boss stand up and shout and slap the table when I was in my 20s. I was so taken aback I stood up and told him I'd be at my desk when he was ready to talk and left the room. No idea where I got the words from, certainly no thought before saying them. If he carried on like that again I would probably have looked for another role. However, I think he was taken aback by me too and eventually we became a good working team. There wasn't a 'Pat' in that equation though. Good luck.

Friendofdennis · 22/12/2024 01:01

Write down everything that happened including the dates Contact ACAS to talk about bringing a case for constructive dismiss. You can still look for another job while doing this

Mylifeisamesssuchamess · 22/12/2024 01:02

4 out of 5 constructive dismissal cases either fail to make it to court or are ruled in the employer's favour due to insufficient evidence. Not worth the huge levels of effort unfortunately. However, getting your ducks in a row is important so get everything written down, including a witness statement.

Namerequired · 22/12/2024 01:02

I don’t know much about this but I think you can leave and then bring him to tribunal for unfair dismissal. Because although you left he made it impossible for you not to so it amounts to dismissal. Definitely get advice, and write everything down!
I wouldn’t stay there, how dare he speak to you like that!! Plus what happens next time Pat is an ass to you?

Maverick66 · 22/12/2024 01:06

Leave.
Trust me .

WellsAndThistles · 22/12/2024 01:07

I doubt anyone will back you up officially as they have their own jobs to think of but...

Any chance of getting a hidden camera or set your phone to voice record and speak to him about his behaviour in the hope you get a repeat performance?

If you can get evidence of that level of aggression/threatening behaviour I would be trotting off to the Police with it followed by an employment tribunal.

Pat definitely has some dirt on him, probably banging her back in the day...

fashionqueen0123 · 22/12/2024 08:12

Walkingwithdinosaurs · 22/12/2024 00:00

Yeah I was a bag of nerves the whole day and a week later am still not great. I am having nightmares about it.

Pat revelled in the aftermath, it was galling to witness.

He has done this many times before but never to me, he’s sacked people on the spot for very little, shouts in their faces, calls them names but no one has ever taken him for a tribunal before. In all honesty if you told anytime out side of work they wouldn’t believe it, he’s well know businessman and very well liked. But in work he’s an absolute nightmare.!

That would want to make me take him to one all the more! It’s not you it’s not personal. Someone needs to make him realise his behaviour is not acceptable.
Andin the meantime go off sick so he has to pay you.

EBearhug · 22/12/2024 08:15

When I left a previous job, I made it clear that one of the reasons was the manager who blew up at people and shouted at them. It was often not someone who had made any mistake, but just had the misfortune of being in the vicinity when the manager was in a bad mood. He had never done it to me directly, but I wasn't sticking around for it - it affects the whole office atmosphere.

I do not know if anything changed in that respect after I went, but certainly some of the other things I raised did.

EBearhug · 22/12/2024 08:16

Any chance of getting a hidden camera or set your phone to voice record and speak to him about his behaviour in the hope you get a repeat performance?

You can't record someone without their knowledge.