Skipping school for period pain…?

[ChocolateTruffleAssortment]

I have always been fortunate & never experienced much period pain. I know some women do suffer.

DD after about a year of periods started finding them really painful & missing school for them. She then went on the pill which I thought would improve them but seems to mean they are just as painful but she has fewer of them - just having her first one this term.

trying to disentangle how genuine this is too - yesterday she missed college for the second day but her boyfriend came round & she went riding in the afternoon… so today when she wanted to miss a third day we were unsympathetic & made her go in…

anyway I guess my question is, a) surely at some point she has to suck it up & b) is there another option to make it easier for her - DH has suggested a mirena….

If she's capable of going riding she definitely can go into college. It's not that period pain isn't genuine but i would also point out it's the "perfect" condition to tell your parents you need to miss college/school if you actually want to have your boyfriend over whilst they are at work ... how do I know? I was 16 once too!

i feel like this is going a bit off course here… her latest progress report was very good, excellent attitude to learning, achieving A-B on her tracking assessments. We live rurally & about half of her classmates went on to this college, it’s a standard option here, the commute is a pain. The boyfriend studies at the local college & has a different timetable as he’s on an apprenticeship.

we ‘made her go’ by saying ‘you can’t have a third day off, if you went riding yesterday you’re well enough for college, take a painkiller & crack on’… and she did…

I had terrible period pains as a teen / early 20s - also felt faint and sick. They only lasted one day at that level and I did not have endometriosis. I spent the time in bed, throwing up or clutching a hot water bottle. I certainly wouldn't have gone out riding.

After getting pregnant (had a termination) the degree of pain reduced, though was still uncomfortable, but I discovered that taking painkillers at the first twinge usually stopped the pain developing.

Sounds like your dd is pulling a fast one, at least some of the time. My dds mention period pains from time to time, but their experiences are nowhere near as bad as those I had. One has the implant now anyway.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c89xyngwn88o

It's a very real issue - the only thing that cured my period pains was a hysterectomy.

Only got my experience to go off. My experience is that I had painful periods (not actually painful enough that I've missed school or work but bad enough that I dreaded that time of the month and would sometimes faint or be very nauseous. I did get sent home from school or work if that happened).

My Mum said I was being stupid and that periods were normal. The GP put me on the pill as they didn't think it was anything serious.

Fast forward to aged 37 and I've been trying for a baby for three years and never conceived. I had ivf and during the egg retrieval they found out I had endometriosis and that my ovaries are stuck round the back of my uterus so eggs can't get down my fallopian tubes. I also produce almost no eggs due to the years of untreated inflammation and the one time I got pregnant through ivf, I miscarried. DNA in eggs is affected by the inflammation caused by untreated endo.

So I'm almost totally infertile after being dismissed for years. If she wants children then please get her checked out! Scans don't show endo; only a laparoscopy will find it.

It’s totally possible to have horrendously painful periods which justify both time off work/school and medical investigation. Also the pain can stop quite quickly. Mine used to have me rolling on the floor in pain when I was 16, my mum took me to A&E in the middle of the night once. But pains have always lasted a few hours for me and then stopped suddenly, so I wouldn’t take being fine in the afternoon as an indicator that it was always an exaggeration.

But yes, if she was fine by the afternoon then she is probably exaggerating suggesting a day off the following day. And if she didn’t push back on you saying no, that sounds like totally normal teenage boundary pushing to me. There is a balance here - addressing any excessive pain, but learning to get on with your life around normal levels of pain.

My DDs have the same awful period pain that I used to have, together with migraines, vomiting etc. The pill doesn't really help but of course they can skip bleeds which is useful.
Thing is, if they are unwell enough to miss school they are too unwell to see friends or go riding (actually, how the heck would you ride with awful period pain? That sounds like it would be dreadful). They also don't take more than a day off with it, as there is usually one awful day, and then they are still in pain but it is manageable with ibuprofen. On the worst day painkillers don't touch the sides which is why they miss school. I would think someone well enough to go out and then wanting the next day off is taking the piss.

Thank you. And, thank you again.

Watching a loved one suffer on for 15yrs being told to get on with it, To eventually get an Endo diagnosis. I can say first hand, not every day of suffering ‘looks’ the same.

I read this thread and feel so sorry for women only at the start of their journey.

Really an excuse!

Periods can be horribly painful. Just because you don't suffer doesn't mean other women are making a fuss

Menstrual cramps are really painful. I usually take ibuprofen to relieve it. I'm not sure if it would help your daughter.

DD 16 has horrific periods, headaches and cramps the day before, vomitting as it starts followed by a couple of days where it can vary from more headaches and cramps to literally bent over the toilet for the whole day, shaking and feverish. She started on the pill at 15 and its become mildly better in that she can control when it happens - so by passed it during exams but thats a bandaid not a solution. We're due to see a gynecologist in the new year. There is no way she should accept the pain she experiences month in month out.

So for Ops DD, if she has been struggling on and off, she needs proper medical support. However, it could be a bit of both - she struggles and feels awful and needs proper investigation but has also learnt that sometimes its a good excuse to take a day. The challenge is making her realise that the latter makes it harder for people to believe/understand the former - and is very obvious by some of the replies on here - some people will unsympathetic.

They can be very painful.

Solutions include:

Running pills together so you get much fewer periods

The doctors can prescribe painkillers that are more effective for period pain (eg mefenamic acid)

My DD went on the implant and does not have periods any more.

My periods as a teen were horrific. I went on the injection and then the implant as soon as I could.

In general if she's well enough to go riding she's well enough for school.

Please please please bring her for a full check-up by an OB-GYN so that any sort of other issue (so not just heavy, painful periods) can be ruled out before suggesting the Mirena. Getting the coil is not the be all and end all of gynae care. It can help but only if all other possible issues have been ruled out.

Could you get her a TENS machine?

Women's health needs more investigating and if it were my daughter, I'd be making whatever appointments are required to get to the cause of these issues if they have been going on for a number of years.

I had bad period pains as a teen as did my DD. But I always refused her taking time off school and encouraged her to take pain relief and work through it. She would be curled up in bed with a hot water bottle and hot tea in the evenings after school on the day before and after her period. My reasoning was that you can't have 25 percent of the female population off work every week due to period pain. Life goes on.

I cannot imagine getting a gynae referral on the back of this (which as others have posted is an issue with the health care system & recognition of women’s health!), is that a realistic expectation?
I will get her to go to the Gp during the holidays & they can try her on something else, but I think the GP will think this is all very standard & she’ll have to try various solutions before any further investigations?

I have severe endometriosis. My symptoms are much worse in the morning and my periods are horrific. The pain in the mornings especially, is excruciating. I have cancelled work because of it (and as a self employed person that’s a big decision to take)

The pill is sometimes used as “treatment” - it doesn’t treat anything it just means you can control when you have a bleed. My periods were just as bad when I had a period while on the pill. I hated it, even if I took the pill continuously, I still had the pains and my body was trying to bleed I felt like my body was fighting against it all the time.p

Im 38, have had surgery 3 times which helps for a while. Now I don’t have many options - suffer and cope with the pain as best I can or have a hysterectomy and colectomy which means I will live with a stoma bag.

Please listen to your daughter. Take her to the doctor get her some decent pain relief and a referral to a specialist. Diagnosis takes on average 8/10 years.

@ChocolateTruffleAssortment as pp said, putting young girls on the pill can end up masking the real problem…if she has something like endo or a hormone imbalance/PCOS she may not end up finding a cause until she wants to try for kids, when it’s too late .I don’t blame you for making her go in the third day, but it’s really worth investigating her pain further whilst she still young.

Make sure she sees a female GP, but largely she’ll have years of going back and forth to the GP before they refer her. And even then, it’ll be a long wait. Absolutely start sooner rather than later.

From the age of 12 I have suffered with crippling pain and heavy bleeding given the pill and mefanamic acid they do nothing if the pain is Endo. PCSO. Pelvic inflammatory disease or adenomyosis.

My parents and GP used to tell me it was normal I would survive on 1hr sleeps because the pain was horrendous I was brought home by my form tutor twice due to nearly fainting from the pain. Only saving grace when I gave birth to my DC I did it all naturally as the pain was the same.

When you have these issues you can be crippled over one minute but then manageable the next because instead of the pain being 15 out of 10 it's settled to 8 out of 10 and if you don't do things during functional pain then your never doing anything and your just a non functioning person with chronic pain undiagnosed and ignored.

I'm still fighting at 46 for support. again told its normal or well you only have 10 more years. The reason I started fighting again is because my pain became chronic not just centred to my periods but also when I'm leading in. When I ovulate. I may have 4 days a month my pain sits at a 3 as a niggly dull ach and my back pain. Belly pain and leg pain are negligible.

I'm currently sat taking pain relief after no sleep trying to get my brain to function to work whilst my pain has me doubled over and near delirious. But I have had to function getting up getting the kids up. Making breakfasts and lunches getting them out to school and working.

What I'm trying to say don't just dismiss this as bad period pain if it's bad she feels she can't go to college then she needs checking out and start it now because it does take 7-10 years to get any kind of support or diagnosis. She may have been in really bad pain but then it became negligible that she was able to function a little and do something that could bring a little enjoyment whilst feeling like rubbish.

She will be dismissed she will be ignored she will be told its normal but it's not period pain is not normal heavy bleeding is not normal. Support her push for medical support and understand that pain like this fluctuates and when you suffer sometimes you push through suffering in silence as you are dismissed by those around that painful periods and heavy periods are normal.

If she's fine to have her boyfriend come round and then go out then she's definitely well enough to go to college. If she's taking the pill everyday at the same time then her periods should be very light or she might not have periods at all. I suspect that she just doesn't want to go to college or she isn't taking the pill at the same time everyday. I have a severe gynaecological condition and if I go off the pill, my periods prevent me from living my life. The pill has given me my life back.

Edit: She doesn't have severe period pain if she happily goes horse riding. I can't even walk.

I can not imagine horse riding with bad period pain.

Mine were cured by time and children, but prior to that there were many instances of shuffling around slowly because the pain and cramps radiated through my quads, and several times that I'd just end up curled up on the floor, any floor, under the desk in class, the bathroom floor at home and the filthy stockroom floor at work.

Doctors wouldn't put me on the pill until I was 18 (1990s). I was prescribed Mefanamic acid from 14 but that was useless for erratic periods as I couldn't build it into my system before my period would randomly arrive with a wall of breath-taking pains. If you can take anti-inflamatories prior to a regular period that helps a lot.

3 days is a long time to be in apparently too much pain for college yet still able to see boyfriends and go out, so it does sound like she's exploiting it. If she is, that undermines genuine disruptive levels of pain which already get underestimated by people who don't realise that there are many levels of pain beyond popping a paracetamol and carrying on.