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Original poster

Pissed off with DH monitoring my once a fortnight wine.

48 replies

FunBuss · 18/12/2024 21:51

We don't drink much at home.

About once a fortnight I'll have a half bottle (2-3 glasses) of wine.

DH grew up in a much more heavy drinking family than me. I'm bored of him bitching at me for having 2-3 glasses of wine every 2 weeks.

Surely this isn't unusual? I have a professional job, I pay equally into the joint account. I do 80% of the housework. I just have 2-3 hours a month where I have a drink. I probably go out outside of the house 3-4 times a year.

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 18/12/2024 21:59

Ffs

you are a low quantity drinker!

personally I drink half a bottle on a Saturday night mostly that’s all I drink with a few exceptions throughout the year when I might have a bit more and I feel that’s not loads!

I get he may be worried due to his history as a child but he has to understand that it is his problem

yehisaidit · 18/12/2024 22:10

Have you tried telling him to piss off?

AmandaHoldensLips · 18/12/2024 22:39

It's controlling behaviour on his part.

If he really can't stand you having a couple of glasses of wine, you could always suggest that he attends an activity outside of the house, like sodding right off for example.

MEESH25 · 18/12/2024 22:39

That’s not much at all. Tell him to jog on

FadedRed · 18/12/2024 22:43

You need this: print it out, frame it and put it on the wall, when ‘D’H starts then point at it.

Pissed off with DH monitoring my once a fortnight wine.
MintyFreshest · 18/12/2024 22:57

Yeah I'd be telling him to piss off too.

Goldenbear · 18/12/2024 23:00

It sounds quite bossy but then lots of men are.

Goldenbear · 18/12/2024 23:02

Sorry he not 'It'.

Undisclosedlocation · 18/12/2024 23:04

He doesn’t get a vote, so tell him to wind his neck in

APurpleSquirrel · 18/12/2024 23:12

Is your DH teetotal?

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 18/12/2024 23:16

Is he controlling about anything else?

You are a very moderate drinker and there is no reason for him to have legitimate concerns about your health based on what you have described. If he has long-term issues from growing up around problem drinking then it is his responsibility to seek some help to move past this.

nocoolnamesleft · 18/12/2024 23:16

Why are you doing 80% of the housework if you also have a professional job?

3luckystars · 18/12/2024 23:23

Does he drink at all? Sounds like he has the unhealthy relationship with alcohol if he is getting so stressed about this. Is he worried it’s a slippery slope and you will start drinking more and more?

Also, doesn’t he know that even if you were drinking a lot more than you are, the way he is acting is unlikely to get you to stop? If that system worked, there would be no issues with alcohol.
‘Hey Stop drinking’
’oh ok’

that is never going to happen.

Renamed · 18/12/2024 23:23

YANBU and tell him to pick up his share of the housework

vimtovibes · 18/12/2024 23:27

How is he "monitoring" you OP? What does he say?

Christmasjoy · 18/12/2024 23:42

if your husband is lovely in every other way and this is the only thing he pulls you up on then he obviously has some unresolved trauma around alcohol. I understand as I grew up with heavy drinking and alcoholism. Rather than just shutting him down I would suggest to have a proper discussion about it, find out what his anxieties are and where he thinks this one night a month is going to lead too? Truly knowing his fears, you can help rationalise them and calm him. Also him speaking them out loud he may see how silly they actually are.

rather than just saying jog on, try treating the situation with empathy and compassion. There is obviously a deep rooted issue at play here.

if it is making him really anxious, imagine how that would feel in your own home and something your husband was doing made you feel that way.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/12/2024 23:45

"I'm bored of him bitching at me for having 2-3 glasses of wine every 2 weeks."
If he comes from a heavy-drinking family, he should be able to see that you are not a problem drinker. Is it coming from worrying you'll become a heavy drinker? How much/often does he drink? Regardless of the reason behind his comments, you need to tell him they're not welcome.

"I do 80% of the housework."
Well there's something else that needs to change in your household.

C152 · 18/12/2024 23:49

By bitching, do you mean he doesn't think you should drink at all? If so, it's not a leap to think that's related to growing up surrounded by alcoholics. I wouldn't appreciate him constantly commenting on reasonable drinking, but I would understand his reason for doing so and show him a bit more compassion.

Dollychopsporkchops · 19/12/2024 00:01

Why do you put 50% in the account and do 80% of housework? Why isn’t it more evenly split?

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 19/12/2024 00:09

Before I opened the post my opinion was that your DH can p!ss off, respectfully.

Now I've opened and read it, my opinion is the same.

ThatTealViewer · 19/12/2024 00:24

Why are you doing 80% of the housework while also footing 50% of the bills? How about you do some bitching about that? As it’s fucked up.

FadedRed · 20/12/2024 12:09

You could cut your 2-3 glasses down to only one with this, Op:

FadedRed · 20/12/2024 12:11

You could cut your 2-3 glasses down to a single one with this, Op:

Pissed off with DH monitoring my once a fortnight wine.
FannyFernackerpants · 20/12/2024 13:08

Oh dear, I drink a lot more than you and I don't consider myself a problem drinker (I'm sure other people's opinions on that may vary)
I could not tolerate living with your husband and would have told him to keep his opinions to himself a long time ago.

Pherian · 26/12/2024 00:14

How do you act when you drink ?