Pissed off with DH monitoring my once a fortnight wine.

[FunBuss]

We don't drink much at home.

About once a fortnight I'll have a half bottle (2-3 glasses) of wine.

DH grew up in a much more heavy drinking family than me. I'm bored of him bitching at me for having 2-3 glasses of wine every 2 weeks.

Surely this isn't unusual? I have a professional job, I pay equally into the joint account. I do 80% of the housework. I just have 2-3 hours a month where I have a drink. I probably go out outside of the house 3-4 times a year.

On 2-3 glasses, she's not likely to be flashing her fairy light adorned minge along the promenade, is she?

It's far more likely that her OH has a 'controlling his opinions' problem.

He is either

1.) Worried for you given family background and effects on him/ you ./ or
2.) A controlling arse

Both require a conversation

If you pay equally into the joint account and do 80% of the housework he's probably worried his house appliance might not work as well if she has a few drinks every now and then.

He grew up in a heavy drinking household.

I think the root lies there.

He experienced and observed things caused by drink that have stayed with him all his life.

His reaction to seeing someone having several is probably tapping directly into those memories.

Instead of getting angry and complaining here, start some frank conversations with him about his childhood and feelings around alcohol.

Dm is very anxious about people drinking and often spoils the occasion by complaining about df or other people's drinking habits. Yesterday she commented on ds (21) who had a gin and tonic and at most 2 glasses of wine (christmas day). I know why she does it, her father was an alcoholic and so was my late brother but it's not very helpful. I would have a good long talk with your dh. If he's great in other ways I could probably live with this but you only have one life you shouldn't have to put up with a judgemental person spoiling your downtime.

Surely this isn't unusual? I have a professional job, I pay equally into the joint account. I do 80% of the housework. I just have 2-3 hours a month where I have a drink. I probably go out outside of the house 3-4 times a year.

This stood out for me - why are you doing the main bulk of housework and not going out much?

Why is it not an equal relationship?

What is stopping you from going out?

Maybe in a kind way suggest he sees a therapists as he is struggling with childhood issues. It's his problem, not yours.

If he's doing this in a controlling way, look out for other red flags.

what happens to the other half of your bottle of wine? My DH swears a bottle is a portion 😉

If this is the only thing he behaves this way about, I’d want to really dig into it and find out what’s the real issue. Hopefully you can get him to see that it’s not an unhealthy habit he has to be concerned about, and you can enjoy your occasional glass in peace.

If this is the tip of the iceberg of similar controlling behaviour, then you have much bigger problems.

You don't need to justify yourself op. Even if you didn't pay into the joint account or do housework you are still allowed to have a few drinks if you want them. You're allowed.

What do you mean by 'bitching at me'? If you only drink that every other week does it make you quite drunk? If so does it change your behaviour? We need more info about what is actually happening. Of course it's unreasonable for him to try and control your drinking especially when you drink so little but it's not clear from your post whether this is what's happening. Maybe he is triggered by your behaviour and a sensible conversation and resolution is needed (and I don't mean that this would involve you not drinking, he might need to work on himself and you might need to be more sensitive to how it makes him feel). But no it's not reasonable for him to make a big deal of it every time.

I assumed he wants you to join him more often but it seems you are not coming back to elaborate

If you are only drinking half a bottle every 2-3 weeks what are you doing with the other half? It won’t keep for 2 weeks so do you just pour it down the sink? Or is it possible you are drinking more than you like to admit?

Having alcoholic family can really fuck up your relationship with drink. I'm not excusing his behaviour, but most people act differently after a few drinks, and I wonder if it triggers some unwanted memories for him.

I'm sure MN will tell me three glasses of wine is "nothing" and doesn't change behaviour, but my experience is that it does - and I wonder if that's the issue rather than you drinking in general. Not that you should change your behaviour for him, by any means.

Buried the lede. More importantly, why are you doing 80% of the housework and only leaving the house 4 times a year? I would be drinking all day in those circumstances.

As the OP hasn’t responded , We don’t know.

Agree with telling him to piss off. Also go out more so you can enjoy yourself without him ruining it.

Yeah...that's not normal OP

His anxiety is hitting him when he sees the wine, not your fault, his demons.
Is there a discussion that can be had to talk out both sides? Leave both of you doing as you please without the other one feeling bad?

Tell him that you ain’t got nothing to do with his ‘generational drinking trauma’ and to call a therapist if frustrated. Then adjust household chores to 50 50 for good measure as he seems bored.

Yup say 'if you want to monitor what I consume I will monitor how often you scrub the toilet go and do it now seeing as we're telling each other what to do'

This is better advice than what I just said

Sort out the housework with him as you are both working.

why do you drink just once a month?