Which would you choose to move to?

[Tinselbauble]

DH, toddler x 2 and I are planning a move back from DH’s home country where we’ve been for the last 7 years. It is bittersweet as I like where we live and have enjoyed being close to his family and friends. Leaving is logical for many reasons and not up for debate but the thought still makes me very sad and the worry of where to move to is making it worse!

We have two options:

1. Winchester. 10 minute drive from parents, 45 from sister. My childhood city - lots of happy memories, only a few remaining friends. Good access to countryside and coast. Much smaller and less exciting than where we are now. Good school options. Maybe the chance to build a real community? But also a chance that we don’t fit in and I’m very lonely?
2. London. Where DH and I met, studied and initially lived together. Easier to get back to his family to visit. Obviously very big - more chance to meet people but maybe we’ll suffer from friends constantly moving out? We’ve already had this where we are currently. Lots of friends but spread out, further from family support. Lots to do and lots of opportunities as DCs grow.

DH is self-employed and I plan to be a SAHM until youngest DC is at school so no jobs or childcare to plan around.

I feel like I flip flop on the decision every day! I’m worried we’ll be bored and lonely in Winchester and that it’ll feel a massive downgrade from the lovely city we are currently in. I’m worried if we choose London we’ll not be bored but might feel lonely and anonymous and we’ll be further from family support. I’d love some insight into what people would choose in our shoes.

Winchester all the way - more for your money and more likely to make friends. London can be a pretty lonely place - unless you are out in the more family friendly areas such as Chingford etc

I've only spent a weekend once or twice in Winchester (was living in London when I had DS), but it really wouldn't have worked for me -- too small and quiet. Having said that, there's no right answer, only what would work for you. What kind of city are you currently living in, and what do you like most about it?

@CluelessAsFuck and @WellMaybe your first two replies leave me just as on the fence

Current city is much bigger than Winchester but smaller than London. It is pretty walkable with decent public transport. There are some big parks, some historical sites and a few museums. We enjoyed nightlife, theatres and eating out pre DC but those are not a priority for us now. To be honest I spend most of my time between the same few parks, libraries, shops and leisure complexes, but I love the opportunity to just go out to a museum or something if we feel like it! However, building a community is also a massive priority for me. We’ve not quite had that here, despite knowing a lot of people.

Although I am a Londoner I say Winchester all the way for you.

What kind of budget do you have? I’m guessing Winchester isn’t cheap but presumably cheaper than at least some of London.

I don’t know Winchester. But moved to London with a small child and found it very easy to meet people. My kids are in their teens now and love being in London

Winchester
Don't underestimate the value of being near family.
Easy enough to take the train or drive up the M3 for a London fix.

Does it need to be either of those? How about somewhere completely new that just for your family?

Winchester, and day trips to London for theatre, museum etc. Best of both worlds.

London 100%. I find Winchester so dull. It’s very easy to make new friends in London, so many things to do, it’s a very friendly place to live.

Winchester. If you value community and relationships, these will be easier to build as you have a head start. It is a lovely town for the day to day and you will be able to have help from/help your parents. Schools are excellent.

If you want the big city stuff, you can zip into London but you don't need to live there 24/7 for the one time every few weeks when you want to go to an art gallery.

If you really struggle to decide, could you rent an air BnB for a few weeks in each potential location, to try out what life would be like?

We live in London with dcs and we are out at a museum, gallery, theatre, big event etc every weekend. We have family here and lots of friends, and it's so easy to travel anywhere including to Eurostar and the airports. Tons of activities and classes for dcs, and plenty of interesting events and festivals all year round.

London. Your DC will have so many more experiences and opportunities in London.

If you moved to London how often would you see your parents and sister / how easily would they travel to you, versus how often would you want to see them if you moved to Winchester?

Winchester.
Being near family will be really handy if you all get on.

Winchester all the way! It's not far from London to go and do stuff, but less expensive to live in and a much better quality of life.

Honestly, I would rent for a bit and see how you feel living in a neighbourhood that would be where you would buy. If you’ve been living abroad, living 2 minutes from family honestly may be too much. If you can afford a big house with a garden in both, then I’d rent that in London and see how you get on. If you can only afford a 2 bed flat, no garden, rent that. Do the train to family, have them come to you, how does that work?

We moved from abroad and rented for a few years (in an area we pretty much just picked off a map). It was lovely and I’m glad we did it, but ultimately, it wasn’t where we wanted to live forever. We moved and bought a house in an area we love that’s totally different. But I’m glad we have it a try.

Winchester or a town/village near it as Winchester city traffic is just awful. You have the benefit of not being far from London but also being near beautiful coast and countryside.

I suppose you could get small town vibes from somewhere in London but it's just overwhelming to me.

I live in Winchester, having moved back to the area after living in my husband’s home country. We have 2 young children (youngest is a toddler) and my husband is self employed so similar situation. I studied in London, although that was many years ago. I chose to live here because I knew a large part my life would revolve around my children’s school. I walk my oldest to school, and chat to my neighbours and other parents, it’s definitely a nice little community. We visit the library, theatre, sports centre and many cafes in the area often, I feel like if I were still living in London I’d still be going to my local venues anyway, plus I can always get the train to London if I need to. It is definitely not a “buzzy” place to live, but I feel like my world feels small because I am painfully shy and a sahm. Most of the people my age (30s) who live around me moved from London, and a huge % of the other parents come from all sorts of different countries, which I love.

My friends in London, all love it. Walking to school, great local communities and obv so much more. As your kids start school you will build your friendships, wherever you are.

You could not get me to live in Winchester, especially after living overseas.

Winchester

Wow thank you all! Looks like Winchester leading slightly but fairly evenly split.

@Miniaturemom it sounds fairly like what I want from your description. Just a gamble as to whether we feel like we fit in or not!

@mindutopia perhaps I should look into renting. Just feels tricky given we have pets and DCs and I know from friends how hard it is to find rentals currently! I shouldn’t write it off without looking though.

@Sprig1 suggestions very much encouraged!

Which part of London can you afford?

What about schools?

We’ve got an ever growing list of places to look into further including Walthamstow, Crouch End / Muswell Hill (I’m aware we’d get much less for our money here), Surbiton, Raynes Park, Hither Green, Sydenham, Crystal Palace… It feels somewhat overwhelming!

I would choose London over Winchester if we could afford a nice neighbourhood with good schools.

I think it depends very much on your budget.

Living in London is only fun if you can afford it. It's no fun being in a small flat in a rough area, but a nice house with a garden in leafy suburb is the best imo.

Also, think about babysitting. If you can afford to pay for it then London is great. If you can't, then it might be nicer to be close to Grandparents so you get the occasional break.

London is not as faceless as it seems, it's a million small communities. It's relatively easy to find your space as long as you're willing to make an effort.