Hiya, I’m looking for some guidance from anyone who has knowledge or experience in going to court, even better if it’s by a grandparent’.
my father in law is taking myself and my partner to court for access to our children, the first court case date is 03/01/25 and it’s a joint permissions/directions case. I have no idea if that’s normal to have the two joint or not, but what can we expect from the first hearing? The oldest child is mine from a previous relationship and the youngest is related to him. The oldest child’s biological dad has been left off the application despite him being an active parent, I presume that this is something we can get fixed at the first hearing if it goes ahead?
my partner cut his dad off end of last year as he had spent his entire life being abused by that man and when his dad was incredibly rude and disrespectful toward me for the millionth time he lost his composure and told him he was cutting contact, and that seeing the kids would be done by me, in public but that if he did it again he’d be losing the kids too. I put up with him until the beginning of this year and then had enough and stopped contact too. We have spent this entire year working on our relationship because his dad caused us a lot of problems and we are finally in a good place.
the last time the kids saw him they were 2 and 4, by the time we have our first hearing it’ll be a month short of an entire year since we had seen him. He spent the previous year studying abroad and we didn’t have a close relationship with him because my partner didn’t like being around him and he was very toxic toward us, so the kids never had a good relationship with him.
he ignored many boundaries put in place, he put the kids health at risk, he emotionally manipulated my kids with the whole ‘oh if you don’t give me attention I’ll be sad’, would invade their personal space, was very emotionally abusive towards myself and my partner, he’s done some very questionable things (following into a private room to watch the baby get their nappy changed, we’ve found pictures of my partner at a similar age to the oldest completely naked and forward facing in the shower etc), he was emotionally incestious toward my partner and his brother growing up (my partner worse than his brother), has tried to put wedges in my relationship with my partner, threatened my partner by saying if he didn’t reply by X date then he’d turn up at my home and then on X date my car had its mirror kicked in and smashed (no proof it was him because my SD card was in the home overnight but very coincidental) just to name a few things.
the man is also applying for a name change and I presume it’s only for the youngest, he tried to convince my partner after birth to register them behind my back so the child had his surname, despite us already agreeing the child would take mine. He wants the child’s birth certificate, he wants the child to be taken to be registered under his nationalities and even tried to suggest getting the oldest registered under one of them through my relationship with my partner (not married). He’s completely delusional obviously but it’s still really worrying me that the court will give him access despite him being very obviously unstable just because he’s a grandparent.
we are hoping that with all of our reasons, the magistrates will tell him to walk back out the door, but we are concerned we’re opening a door for cafcass and social services and months/years of draining court visits. Our concerns can be seen as alarming and he’s also claimed abuse to him by cutting him off and arguing with him and potentially to the girls because we have mental health history (my partners mental health only suffers when his dad is degrading him daily, which hasn’t happened for well over a year, and mine was in my teenage years but I’m absolutely fine now).
his dad has used his application as a smear campaign against me, praying for our relationship to end so his son comes back to him, etc etc. we also have messages he sent to my partners mum saying that he will cancel the case if my partner gives him a real reason as to why contact stopped (despite being given loads by both of us), and then said ‘but he won’t because there is no reason except for the fact that OP doesn’t want him talking to me’ so he is in his own world about all of this. He also is under the impression that 1- my partner isn’t on the youngest child’s birth certificate and 2- that he will be seeing my child’s birth certificate during the case.
we don’t know what to expect, but he’s definitely got some issues that need addressing. So if anyone could help me make sense of this, give me some advice or pointers, lay out the process etc I’d be very grateful! And sorry if this makes absolutely no sense, I tried to fit in as many points as possible without actually giving away my identity incase this ever gets back to him!
thank you in advance x