Worried about dc growing up and not fitting in Christmas days out and activities

[Sweetappley]

im worried about dc growing up and not fitting in Christmas days out and activities in the run up to Christmas. The years are so fast but there are so many days out, Christmas breaks and activities I want them to experience. Does anyone else feel like this?

Actually, yes, I get this. I think it's more the tinge of sadness that there's a limited number of years available to try and make Christmas magical.

It's like the line from lion king 'there's more to see than cab ever be seen, more to do then can ever be done'.

There's so many lovely things they you can do, from trips out to home baking together and making decorations for the Christmas tree but necessarily big or expensive things, but there never truly feels enough time.

I think it's good to try and enjoy the now. Enjoy the things you do, and let go of the things your didn't. Maybe write a list of the most important 5 things you want to 'do' at Christmas, make sure you do them, and anything else is a bonus.

So for me it's (1) the kids being in a Nativity (done), (2) going on a Christmas lights safari in the car (3) seeing Santa (4) doing Christmas baking together (done) (5) having a hot shakeaway (weird family tradition).

Like what? When my kids were younger it was maybe a panto, trip to cut our tree down and grotto visit (combined), maybe skating? Looking at the lights? That's it. And other than the tree it was all done while on school break.
Other traditions you can do at home - trimming the tree, baking cookies ( we made all the teachers gifts - simple peppermint creams dipped in chocolate or fudge), making an advent calendar; that sort of thing. Don't get hung up on comparing what you can do with others.

Did absolutely none of this.
When they were little, it was mainly school based stuff. We took them to see father Xmas. Once or twice there were reindeer. Panto one year. Ice skating one year.

Every year:
Choose a new Dec
Watch Xmas films on Xmas eve
Go for a big walk on Xmas eve.
Did elves for a couple of years.

If you ask mine what we do at Xmas, they'll tell you the every year list.

I've always struggled with Xmas. I'm not religious, so it all seems a bit fake. Even having a Xmas tree isn't really traditional. I put up with the bollocks for the kids, but going for a walk near the solstice is much more meaningful for me.

(As an aside, I'm sure i remember a very similar thread from a couple of weeks ago).

That's a massive amount of expensive 'experiences' on top of the more humdrum (and nicer IMO) wonder of Christmas that PPs have described above. It's not some kind of essential childhood Christmas tick-list.

I didn’t do any of that winter wonderland or theme park stuff with mine at Christmas. We went to a Christmas Fayre or two and a visit to Santa but other than that most of our activities were based at home. My two loved Christmas movies and baking cakes and biscuits and their yearly trip to the local garden centre at Christmas to see all the lights and decorations and then have lunch in the cafe. One of their favourite things to do, which might seem a bit lame, was to get in the car and drive around the neighbourhood looking at everyone’s decorations and light displays outside their houses.

Christmas with the kids should be fun not stressful. I think you need to step back and stop putting so much pressure on yourself

I say this as someone with an adult dc - they won’t remember half of it anyway, so don’t stress about doing stuff.

I've never been to any of these places. At christmas or any other time of year. I don't think my DC have missed out.

They love our christmas traditions, usually centred around the home and family.

Enjoy December and don't run yourself ragged trying to fit it all in. Kids will most likely end up being exhausted and getting ill on Christmas Day!
All we did was father Christmas when they were little and maybe a panto when they got to old for Father Christmas.

No. Children of previous generations had very little in the way of seasonal crap and they survived.

Your dc really don't need to do all these things in order for Christmas to be special. They don't need to, you just think they do.

Why not a carol concert in town, or Christmas tree festival at the local church? Both free, and both are what Christmas is really about. Make mince pies, go to the garden centre and look at all the decorations, and let them choose one decoration each to go on the tree. Get them to make cards for family and friends, and to buy little presents from their pocket money and wrap & label them. Make watching 'The Snowman' on dvd an annual event.

No, because our DC knew Christmas was about the birth of Jesus and Love.

They had the school nativity and wnd of term service.
Advent at church and being picked to light a candle.
9 Lessons and Carol's
Xmas Eve Crib Service

At various times also:
The Nutcracker
The local Panto
Trip to big London to see the lights
Visits from grandparents
Presents
Crap films on the TV
Christmas concert at The Southbank

Theme parks were for long summer days, Lapland was a swizz, Centre Parks was like posh Butlins - we went once one autumn and never again. I recall DH insisting on taking DS on the Bluebell railway Christmas special. They got v v cold and DS wet himself.

The children are 26 and 29 now. They remember being taken to the park on their new bikes and skates and most of all Christmas Pie! (Leftover turkey and ham with a puff pastry lid). Yep, Christmas pie is the big family memory.

It's the day to day routines that matter not the glitzy stuff.

DH and I had a sad chat this morning about how lovely it would be to have our old Christmases. We are apart this year. DH with his frail mother, me and dd with mine. DS and SIL overseas. And then we said, the problem is when we get it all back, it will be because one or both of our mother's has died.

Had to cancel our pre-christmas Christmas with the dc and partners this weekend because I'm recovering from. Bronchitis. So forgive me if I'm a bit maudlin.

I used to feel like this and used to get stressed trying to pack everything in. Then Covid hit when my kids were 4 & 8. We did no special days out and we still had a really lovely Christmas! Since then I’ve been more selective about what we do. You don’t need to do it all and I’ve found that the kids love the arts & crafts and baking at home just as much.

For those who believe, Christmas is about Jesus' birth. For those who don't, it's whatever you want it to be. Your children will remember being loved and family traditions which don't need to have anything to do with fitting in lots of expensive activities. I have just decorated our tree with my teenagers while listening to the Andy Williams Christmas album and that's our family tradition, getting the same decorations out again and remembering where we bought them, adding this year's, and me telling DS about his grandad he never met testing the fairy lights and figuring out which one wasn't working every year and so on. I couldn't be happier, it's our Christmas, and no trips to Lapland required.

All unnecessary and you sound heavily influenced by social media. Those Instagrammers who pop from one thing to the next have them paid for for marketing purposes and spend the entire time posing and not actually engaging with their poor children. You’ve been sucked in I’m afraid. Sounds like an NY resolution for you would be to spend less time on social media / assuming that’s real life, engage in the day to day, and next year organically decide as a family what you might enjoy together.

No. I genuinely never felt like this op. My dc are young adults now but they enjoyed Christmas despite not going on many outings at all really. Maybe to see Father Christmas in our local town a couple of times. And to a Christmas pantomime once.

They had lots of carol concerts at school and church and we did some regular volunteering as a family throughout the year.

We also had traditions at home involving baking and films and books that only came out at Christmas time.

They both seemed quite happy to the extent that when they come back from university nowadays, they get upset if anything changes!

My advice would be to not to take too much notice of the commercial blather around you or on sm.

Maybe this perspective is a bit out of date now but I raised my two before it was usual to take dc out on day trips so much. So we had to use our imagination and create games at home and also be content with going to the park and library. I honestly don’t think my dc are any worse off because of it.

I’ll be honest and say they were bored at times but I don’t think that’s a disaster as long as you can steer them to using their time creatively. I think it helps them develop inner resources.

You have got years and years, maybe do one new thing each year and keep a few of the simpler things for every year. It just evolves as they get older. Social media is great for new ideas, we've been to some fabulous places we wouldn't have thought of if we hadn't seen them on FB/insta eg the local NT property but we would do something different the next year and you don't have to do it all. Also sometimes for things like the light-up steam trains, going to wave at them can be magical, you don't have to go on them.

Never did anything like that. The only thing we did was drive around looking at Christmas lights in local area.

No. Over-scheduling your children and being desperate to #makememories and tick a load of experience boxes is not the route to actual happy childhood memories imo. My teenagers helped me put the tree up yesterday and then we sat down to our annual watching of The Box of Delights (which we all know off by heart). We spend Christmas with family, playing silly games, going for muddy dog walks and eating good food. It's always lovely. It never remotely occurred to me to go to Lapland, Centre Parks, Polar Express (?) or a theme park at Christmas. Chill out, OP.

OP, really Chirstmas isn't about what 'you' want to fit in. It's about what the kids want to do. Whisking them here there and everywhere to a million different events is largely a waste of time and money - it's for you, and for the picture opportunities, it means nothing to the kids.

Ask THEM what they'd like to do, give them a short list of about three things every Christmas. They're more likely to remember it if they chose to do it, rather than the things that their mum wanted to take them to so they could feature on Instagram as a fortunate family.

We've never wanted to do any of those things - firstly because they'll be so busy and that will sap out all of the holy jolly feelings, and secondly because my son just isn't that bothered about any of the big stuff. I'm sure if we booked Lapland and took him he'd be excited to go, but he's never mentioned it. For us as a family, this time of year is about eating Roses/QS etc in front of Christmas films, decorating the house, going to watch our DS in his school Christmas play, baking, seeing the lights in the city centre, presents, board games and just spending quality time together as a family. It really doesn't need to be any more than that.

Jeez, you missed out skiing at Klosters. This all sounds ridiculously performative and Instagram worthy. Your kids won't miss out, they won't remember half of it anyway and they will be better adults for not having been utterly spoilt.

Alton Towers and Centre Parcs are open all year round you know

What are your fondest memories of being your children's ages, OP?

You already posted this a week or so ago. Why do you keep asking?