Do you ever get down that you're never the pretty one

[sillysausagesupper]

Probably the wrong wording for my post but does anyone else get a bit fed up, down that they are never considered pretty or attractive or desired? Literally no body ever compliments me or gives me a second look. It makes me quite sad. I'm mean I don't want to have men throwing themselves at me as I walk down the street but it would be nice to be attractive to someone. I work in an office for around 40 females who all get along great and I often hear them talking about men buying them drinks, asking for phone numbers and generally getting chatted up. I just feel like I'm just always an unnoticed shadow in the background.

I appreciate this sound weird and needy- I'm genuinely happy with my life but it's just an observation

Just adding in a very happy woman who isn't sitting crying into my coffee as we speak but I think I'm just realising that most woman probably get chatted up on nights out. I absolutely never do which is fine but I always wonder what it must be like to have that effect on people. Life must be completely different if you are attractive.

I think I understand what you mean. I've always envied those people, usually men, who can effortlessly get the attention of waiters. Whereas I always have to wave my arms and yoohoo loudly. Ditto, women whose hair is always lovely, whereas I'm not just having a bad hair day, more a bad hair life!

Like you, I'm perfectly happy. These things don't matter one jot. But I do wonder how they manage it and what it feels like.

No. I am not conventionally attractive, I have a facial scar, part of my lip is missing etc. Nothing too major but it does mean that I am not good looking. However, I keep my hair as nice as I can, try to look presentable and I look reasonable.

What I do have instead of looks is a bit of charisma ( not loads but some!) I have worked on this, I can tell a good story, make people laugh, I am good at listening to people. In other words I worked out in my teens that I wasn't going to be the pretty one so I worked on other areas.

This is what will get you attention and it won't fade like looks will.

I think that what you're feeling is way more common than you think. Out of 40 female co-workers, all 40 can't be getting chatted up, you're probably tuned in to those who do cos it's on your mind.
On the other side of the coin, I've heard women genuinely complain about all the ( un-wanted) male attention they get; they do not see it as a plus for many reasons.
I'm sure you're a lovely person, inside and out.
Maybe find some time to join groups or volunteer with others who have the same interests?
If you feel you're in need of an update to hair, makeup, clothing, that can be done, it would likely lift your spirits and make you behave differently.

We're all at our best and have a more confidence when we know we look good.
There are a lot of women, and men, 'out there' who feel as you do, and once you meet the right person, you'll likely never feel those feelings again. Not every man is looking for a woman who attracts an excess of male attention, believe me!

It’s not as simple as looks, some women just have an approachable, welcoming air about them. I apparently did not have this air despite fussing over my hair and makeup. I ended up having to do the approaching 🙄

I was attractive when I was younger. I struggled a bit with aging and then realised how nice it is to not have blokes trying to cop off with you. I'm more comfortable in my skin now than I was then.

I'm happy enough in your own skin I mean I'm not a stunner and I never get 'chosen' but I've a great circle of friends and a decent personality (or so I've been told lol) I get used to groups of men leaving me out of conversations when I'm out with friends. It's just a bit rude but I try to not get annoyed about it.

Attractiveness isn't purely looks, or even mostly. I'm like Bridget above, often had lots of male attention even though I'm objectively fairly odd-looking. I don't make much effort with my appearance. To paint a picture: I'm quite hairy (I do try and deal with the hair on my upper lip, it's a losing battle, but I gave up on my bushy monobrow years ago...). I'm also mixed race and my dd describes my skin tone as "grey", you know, like the undead. So, I'm not conventionally pretty at all lol.

But I think I've always had male attention because I'm chatty but also a good listener; I'm genuinely interested in what people have to say; I don't ignore shy people; I see beauty in everyone and that shows when I'm speaking to someone. I also don't do awkward silences, there's always something to talk about.

Basically I think it's a mindset/behaviour thing, rather than looks.

Agree with this. I’m not a knockout but fairly conventionally attractive. Without always meaning to, I also have an ‘eff off and don’t approach me’ air about me. Men have told me I’m intimidating. It’s not because I’m a supermodel, it’s because I don’t seem open.

Growing up, I was "the clever one" and Dsis (3 years younger) was "the pretty one". I don't know whether this was a self fulfilling prophecy, but we're in our fifties now, and I have a good career, nice pension to look forward to. Married within two teens. I've never been delighted with my looks, but happy enough.

DSis left school after A levels and has never settled in a job. Divorced with 2 adult dc. Her self worth is entirely tied up in her looks, her envy of her daughter's looks is ridiculous. . She's struggling more and more to keep looking 20 years younger than she is. She's never sought out any qualifications or stuck in a job (although she's bright enough) and is finding now that she has little to give, and potential employers (she lost her job recentjy) and partners no longer see her as the "trophy" that has got her by until now.

This is exactly me. Above average attractiveness but get zero attention.

I’m not particularly attractive looking but chat to people easily so do get drinks bought etc. I don’t think that is anything to do with looks as I’ll buy someone a drink if I’m having a good convo with them (I’m talking opposite sex strangers in pubs here, I’ll talk to anyone within reason!) and that’s definitely not based on the looks of the person I’m talking to. I’m overweight and in my late forties but have people asking to meet up, I’m with someone so decline obviously.

Be your self op we are all pretty in our own way,

I've been told I'm conventionally attractive:

But I never get chatted up or hit on. I've heard other women talk of being approached on buses, in pubs, on Teams at work. They make it sound like such a burden 😆 but I've never had this problem.

I'm happily married to a DH who loves me dearly but I can safely say I never get male attention and I'm fine with that. It's just odd that I don't identify with the whole Metoo thing

Everyone has their own air of charisma which can make you appear more or less attractive.

Hold yourself well. Walk tall with your shoulders back and like you genuinely don’t give a monkeys, be confident and content with yourself.

And honestly people will say there’s just something about you- whether you’re conventially pretty or not!

No they aren't. I was chatted up a lot when in my 20s. At one point I couldn't even wait for a bus without some guy trying it on. But whoa hit 30 and it fades away. Sure if I glammed up for a night out I might get some attention (when in my 30s), but the older you get the less you are hit on. You don't say how old you are. Plus I think men are more wary in this post 'metoo' time? Or is that a myth?

You're placing too much weight on looks when it's not about that, it's about approachability. Am very very attractive yet have been told I'm intimidating, so men are loathe to approach me as they are convince I'll brush them off/won't be interested/am already 'taken'. As for compliments, it's assumed I know I look good, so why would others bother. This one really annoys me as compliments are lovely and gratefully received, and why I always take the time to tell others they look great/I like their whatever (if I do).

I get it. I'm fat but I've been told that I have great hair and a fabulous smile. I have a conventionally attractive face without being beautiful. But whatever that spark is, that makes someone attractive to the opposite sex, I don't have it. Men like me as a mate, they happily chat to me and I've been told that I'm good company, but, until I met my husband, no-one ever chatted me up or bought me drinks etc. I felt really lacking as a teenager but now, in my fifties, I think that I struggle less with ageing because my looks changing has had precisely no effect on how I am treated. I'm content in my own skin and that's worth a lot.

No I actually love that men have no interest in me. I'm autistic and had many years of unwanted attention when I was younger but didn't know how to deal with it. I'm happy to be invisible, it suits me absolutely perfectly.

I used to, when I was younger.

But not since probably late 20s early 30s.

At least I don't have to worry about losing my looks, as I never had any in the first place.

I used to, very much - it was soul destroying, especially if I'd made an effort to look nice and, worse than being ignored, was mocked by strangers.

I stopped minding so much in my early 40s - by that stage everyone else my age was starting to look a bit saggy and past their best, so my lack of looks was no longer conspicuous.

Couldn't give a toss now I am in my 50s.

Looking forward to this, Bernie!
Autistic as well.

Although I give them such look that anyone hardly approaches.
👍

Me too. It’s bloody brilliant.

I look like a younger Anjelica Huston or what Anne Hathaway would look like if she was generally quite cross, 20 years older and drank a lot more gin. I’ve never been short of male company when I’ve wanted it. I’ve had long term relationships and now I’m married. I’m just the sort of woman who is quite obviously ‘not a pushover’ (I am not saying that conventionally pretty women are) and only a certain type of man finds that anything other than intimidating.

I'm a solid 5/10 and I could have beaten them off with sticks when younger. I honestly don't think it's about looks so much as an inner belief that you are bringing a lot to the table. Hope this is helpful in some small way x

There are so many layers to happiness though.

I have modelled for a big agency, regularly scouted on the streets. I'm 39 now but still get asked if I've ever modelled. I get attention, I married really well because of the wide choice I had.

I was also sexually abused by my grandfather when I was 6. My dad completely abandoned us and I was brought up by a mother with mental health issues who regularly beat me.

Yes it's nice when people turn heads (also as the years go by I care less and less). But there is still somewhat tragic side to my life, just like most people.

In fact, I feel sadness, and curiosity at complete families and normal childhoods. I do wonder from time to time how odd it seems to be - to be brought up in a loving family home. The idea is alien to me when I picture it.