I feel old and ugly. How can I help myself ?

[omgomgomgitsagnome]

I'm 51. I constantly ache so much. The lines around my eye have increased. My hair no longer sits as it used to despite the fact I've not changed the style. I went out last night and thought I looked OK but I looked in the bathroom mirror at the restaurant - it was a v bright light - and thought I looked like shit. I hate how I look. I used to look fairly decent. Are my looks fading with age ?

You need to keep up with basics
Plenty of water
Plenty of sleep
Regular exercise
Healthy weight
Wearing clothes and make up that suit you in style and colour. Colours that suit may have changed as you've gotten older. A trip to a personal shopper at JL may be worth while.
You may need to change your hair cut and shampoo / conditioner to more volumising or whatever is lacking.

Growing old and changing looks is an honour though, plenty don't get to experience that and it's far better than the alternative.

What pp said plus a healthy diet - no processed crap. You need to take care of yourself like you would someone you love.

Exercise - I think sadly too much women see it as a weight loss aid rather than absolutely essential so we can keep doing things like stand up without grunting etc!

Well we don't know it's better than the alternative it might be all champagne and free flying ponies over there.

I think restaurant mirrors lie op just ignore them

It's so annoying on these threads when someone expresses feeling sad about aging and the way they look and another poster replies "it's better than being dead".

The aching - needs an assessment of your health and fitness with your GP and a counsellor as stress has a huge effect on the body.

Crow’s feet - diet, good sleep, (decent mattress, ventilation, quietness) cutting down on alcohol.

Hair - a good hairdresser should be able to advise.

Don’t take any notice of how you appear in poorly lit mirrors.

Be kind to yourself!

What PPs said, plus unless you are dark complexioned, don’t dye your hair too dark, lighter streaks are softer, plus they cover up any grey.

@Gooden but it's is. You now have the option of filling and botoxing if you really want to change how you look for fairly affordable prices but aging is going to come to all of us eventually. Acceptance whilst maintaining the basics is surely the healthiest way to look at it.

OP the fact that you mention that you ache all the time could mean something like vitamin deficiency, or even your hormones.

Have you have your hormone levels checked? Are you in menopause?

Hair - I always had greasy hair but find as I get older (currently 46) it neess more moisture to prevent it sitting oddly. So I do a deep conditioning mask once a week.

Crow's feet - you won't get rid of them but use a good eye cream, every day. I use Boots Protect and Perfect eye cream every morning and a retinol eye cream at night.

Aches - exercise. Lots of. Pilates and yoga helps. Since taking up weekly pilates my low level back ache (from sitting at a desk too much) has pretty much gone.

As others have suggested, get a check up because the aching could be low vitamin D or have any kind of cause.

I recommend a good multivitamin, vitamin D and fish oil. Cut down on caffeine and alcohol.

Dermalogica 50+ skincare and a good tinted moisturiser. (Bare minerals does a good one).

I started using tret from skin and me about a year ago and the difference it has made is wonderful. My skin is glowing, lines are reduced. I get told I look 40s all the time ( I am 55)

I also do a daily yoga or pilates or body balance class for flexibility and strength. Again has made so much difference after about a year of doing so. My body is more toned than it has ever been.

Those are my 2 swear bys for the basics. Then add on good haircut and colour, Korean cc cream, and a healthy diet.

Lines around your eyes at age 51? Wow! Who'd have thought it? OP, did you really think you'd look 30 forever? It's why people invest in creams and facials and some people have Botox and fillers and other treatments - they are all attempts to hold back the inevitable effects of natural aging.

As for your hair - grey hairs tend to be wirier, which changes the texture and look of your hair. So if you aren't doing anything different with your hair than you did 10 years ago then yes, you will almost certainly be noticing changes. There are products and treatments you can have to soften your hair if you don't like the way it looks now. Speak to your stylist.

As for aches and pains - again totally natural for a woman of menopausal age. I'm on HRT which helps a lot, not only with aches and pains, but also with many of the other lovely changes and symptoms that this stage of life brings.

Can I just really push skincare? I thought it was bullshit but at 48 I have finally given it a go and after a week of morning and evening slathering am genuinely getting unsolicited comments about my skin from all angles.

Morning: micellar water, lift and brightening serum (I have red blotches), eye cream, day cream SPF 50 with filler and hyuralonic acid

Evening: micellar water, lift and brightening serum, eye cream, night cream with filler.

I'm honestly not exaggerating the difference that this has made to the feel and look of my skin.

@HornyHornersPinkyWinky possibly in peri. Some variation to my periods. Not had hormones checked. I take magnesium glys at night but no other vitamins.

I'm thinking after Christmas I need to:
Significantly cut down on alcohol. Thinking of doing dry Jan & Feb
Take more vitamins
A hell of a lot of more exercise. I enjoy it but never get time. I need to be selfish and make more time.

Sleep earlier. This might help me get up earlier. I am really struggling to get up every morning. Ideally I would want to be awake from 5.30am. Read The news, make a coffee and then work out 6.15 for an hour and then start the day.

I use retinol eye at night plus face moisturiser.

Oh and avoid bright lights!

@CarterBeatsTheDevil what creams with filler do you use ?

I have never worn makeup but now if I am going to be online or under bright light I will add a little tinted moisturizer - I use a greenish one to deal with the redness but whatever suits you. I also wear just a couple of coats of mascara as I have pale lashes.

For grey hair, mine is now very white and I have a mixture of natural colour lowlights and highlights which softens the grey and can be left a bit longer than a straight covering dye.

Maybe you could go and get your bloods checked in the new year, to see if you are deficient or if your hormone levels are off.

Then the usual boring stuff - more sleep, less alcohol, eat well, exercise, use SPF.

Honestly I would investigate HRT as a starting point if you're not already on it.

The aches & change in hair texture have been almost as big an issue for me as the usual hot flushes etc.

Go to your hair dresser for advice and as someone else suggested maybe a personal shopper appt to give you a bit of a boost in the meantime. An appointment at the make up counter of your choice to see what works for your skin tone now maybe?

Lifestyle stuff - diet, exercise, fresh air, relaxation, sleep etc.

Good moisturiser for face and body...serum etc as necessary.

But mostly, if you can, HRT.

I use Garnier micellar all in one for sensitive skin, No 7 lift and luminate serum, L'Oréal revitalift filler + hyuralonic acid SPF 50 (day), Garnier organic lavandin eye cream and L'Oréal revitalift night cream (white and red pot). I don't know whether it's the brands or the attention to my skin but these have worked really well for me. The first couple of days my skin just drank everything I put on it!

Next time I will get the night cream in the same range with fillers, but I'll use this pot up first. I'll probably look for a slightly more active eye cream too.

Never look at yourself in a mirror in bright light.

Problem sorted! HTH.

Always socialise in dark clubs, keep to the back in photos 😄😁😉

Agree with a lot of it coming from diet. Cut out refined carbs loaded with flour and sugar. Use veg and rice for your carbs, and keep them low ish. Cutting out sugar will massively reduce your aches and pains.
We have to accept in our 50s 60s and 70s we won't look like we did in our 20s! However we can still be at our best!

I just don't look in the mirror.