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Dh in trouble - please advise

69 replies

panickingwife · 14/12/2024 18:28

Hi all. Dh is on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. What happens if he gets signed off work? He's in a probation period, so I'm guessing they can just terminate employment. I'm looking for work but it's certain we will need UC. Any idea how bring signed off affects this. Or any advice at all really. We are both massively stressed, not sleeping

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 14/12/2024 20:00

It depends on the kind of employer they are (and, possibly, what they think of your husband as an employee). Eg, they could extend the probation so it lasts the same time minus the sick leave.

Plantymcplantface · 14/12/2024 20:02

@panickingwife try ACAS for free, employment law advice as well as signposting for your husbands mental health.

panickingwife · 14/12/2024 21:34

Thanks all Flowers

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

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GiantBears · 14/12/2024 21:41

I have a friend who got completely overwhlemed at work recently and the GP signed him off for a month. It really helped a lot. Maybe your DH could ask for that and then you could approach citizen's advice and figure out a new plan?

DreamCatchingSpiders · 14/12/2024 21:46

Use the Turn2us calculator online.

Self certify for the first 7 days. Also put in claim for Universal credit.

He may be eligible for stat sick pay. If not, or when it runs out, he can apply for Contributions Based Employment Support Allowance.

If you are eligible for UC, you need to also apply for Free School Meals and Council Tax Reduction (look on local council website)

Are you in Wales? If so, you can apply for 3 Discretionary Assistance Payments in 12 months. England have a different fund.

Also, if you are on means tested benefit you can get cheaper water tariff (sometimes called help rate or water sure. Depends on the supplier)

You can also get your broadband switched to a social tariff (between £15 - 25 a month depending on the supplier).

JennieTheZebra · 14/12/2024 21:52

I’ve he gets signed off sick he’ll be eligible for sickness UC. Get him signed off and then wait for them to dismiss him-if they don’t, but I expect they will, you have a really good employer on your hands. Get your DH to work with them to make the job more like he thought it was going to be. I know you don’t want to be too specific, but he must know what attracted him to the job in the first place. Is it in the area he trained him? Does he want to do something similar in the future. You need to formulate a bit of a game plan.

panickingwife · 15/12/2024 00:32

Thanks again. Have looked at the benefits calculator. Main issue I have is the mortgage - I know you can get interest loan but it's not really going to help.
Can't claim on all the insurance I've been paying for donkeys years because it's a probation period. Every way I look, I hit a wall. Can't feel any joy in anything and it's Christmas. My kids can see how strung out we are, although I'm trying really hard to keep life as normal as possible.

@DreamCatchingSpiders do you happen to know what the discretionary payments are for?

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumbleTime · 15/12/2024 00:41

See if you can get a break paying/ reducing the mortgage on a Temp basis. I think it’s called a payment holiday. Get in touch with your mortgage provider.

People can be dismissed even with a disability after reasonable adjustments are made if ultimately they cannot do the job. But he should get signed off in the first instance.

Miley1967 · 15/12/2024 00:45

panickingwife · 14/12/2024 18:59

Thanks for the replies. He doesn't have a history of mental health issues - it's completely this job which has caused it.

He can't quit because I think that counts as making himself unemployed and we won't get any state help.

He isn't sleeping at all. The dr gave him sleeping pills but he's so anxious they are burning through his system in about 3 hours. He looks terribly unwell.

He's pretty certain he's going to get fired and is frantic he won't get another job in his industry because his reputation will be shot.

I know that he's got to get out of there - I've told him I literally don't care what he does for a living, I don't need a high earning dh, I need a Dh who is well and happy.
He is someone though who has always been a good earner and derives a lot of self esteem from his work.

I can't work out whether getting him signed off is better or worse for him in the long run

It is not true that you would not get UC if he resigns. He could be sanctioned and get less UC if he did not have a good reason for leaving but such poor mental health being caused by the job would likely be ok. However he could be much better off by exhausting any sick pay available to him even if that is only ssp.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 15/12/2024 00:56

panickingwife · 14/12/2024 19:53

It's the kind of job where the expectation will be that he can either do it or not.
He is a skilled, capable person - but I think this job is impossible to do. He's a shell of himself because he's been working flat out trying to do it.

I would tell him to quit but we'd have no state help if he voluntarily gives up employment.

I would tell him to quit but we'd have no state help if he voluntarily gives up employment.

If they fire him because he's off sick, he won't have "voluntarily given up employment".

Likewhatever · 15/12/2024 00:57

There’s a scheme where you can switch to an interest only mortgage for a short period, at the end of which your payments go up slightly for the rest of the term. If money’s the issue, it might take the pressure off your DH while he decides what to do about the job. He would need to be in paid work to apply though.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 01:01

Startingagainandagain · 14/12/2024 18:45

''ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · Today 18:33

He has no employment rights for 24 months in a new job,''

That's a daft things to say.

'Employment rights' cover anything from paid holidays, notice period to sick leave which apply from day 1.

Also if he has a long-term mental issues and a history of depression that is classified as a disability which implies protection from discrimination.

Anyway, back to you OP, he really needs to speak to his GP to look at what can be done. His health is more important than a job in the end.

Full employment rights only kick in once a person has been employed for 2 years. It's not "daft" at all - it's the law!

If the employee has not disclosed a medical condition that might be covered under the DDA, then it is unlikely that it will be considered to be a disability which implies protection from discrimination. The employer has to be informed or there's no way they are going to be in the wrong if they don't know!

I know finances must be a worry right now but honestly your DH needs to seek out help. His employer may be understanding and supportive, but equally they may not.

Best wishes x

beasmithwentworth · 15/12/2024 01:02

Yes op as the last poster says, most of the major mortgage companies signed up for the mortgage charter. It's 6 months interest only and you can do it on line with no questions asked. It really helped me out recently.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 01:02

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 15/12/2024 00:56

I would tell him to quit but we'd have no state help if he voluntarily gives up employment.

If they fire him because he's off sick, he won't have "voluntarily given up employment".

^ this.

If they sack him, then he would be entitled to benefits as he hasn't made himself voluntarily unemployed.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 01:04

How good is the sick pay scheme?

recyclingisaPITA · 15/12/2024 01:08

Yes he needs to get signed off.

Being fired is making yourself unemployed too, not just resigning.

He needs his employment terminated on medical grounds ie he's not come to work for a prolonged time due to ill health. Sounds like he'll not make it out of the probation period. If he's beyond probation there's a rolling system which works something like - if you're off sick for X amount (6 months?) of time in a row in any rolling 52wk period they can terminate employment on the grounds of you being unfit for the job. So he'll be on SSP when off sick, because he's employed. The employer claims that and it arrives in his wage packet each month, they'll need the sicknotes from the GP. I guess you'd also claim UC for housing costs.

When SSP runs out, ie he's now unemployed, then it's UC either as a jobseeker or as someone too ill to work.

Don't forget to apply for council tax reduction and utilities bills schemes due to low income.

You'll be part of the UC claim too OP and expected to seek any work, if there's no qualifying reason not to.

panickingwife · 15/12/2024 08:31

According to his contract he would only get statutory sick pay. Can't see employer being happy tbh and think they'd just end the employment.

OP posts:
panickingwife · 15/12/2024 08:33

I'm already registering with agencies to get back into work but it's not immediate - need DBS checks etc which I'm waiting on.
There's not a lot of work where I live and I've been home a long time. I think I'm the ultimate cautionary tale for not being a sahp!

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 15/12/2024 08:34

panickingwife · 15/12/2024 08:31

According to his contract he would only get statutory sick pay. Can't see employer being happy tbh and think they'd just end the employment.

Regarding dismissal / termination:
It depends what his reason for absence is. If it’s generic then yes. If he’s signed off with mental health problems then it depends.
Whilst you do not have (generally speaking) protections until the 2 year mark, reputable companies would tread extremely carefully before firing someone with mental health related absence. I wouldn’t say it’s as black and white as you think it is, although it might be.

Shinyandnew1 · 15/12/2024 08:39

It's the kind of job where the expectation will be that he can either do it or not.

Has he done the job before? What’s his job history like?

Turnippy · 15/12/2024 08:41

Can he focus on finding another job in the meantime? Maybe take a few days off with 'flu' and call all the recruitment agencies?

If it's just this job, then getting another may change everything?

FusionChefGeoff · 15/12/2024 08:49

panickingwife · 14/12/2024 19:53

It's the kind of job where the expectation will be that he can either do it or not.
He is a skilled, capable person - but I think this job is impossible to do. He's a shell of himself because he's been working flat out trying to do it.

I would tell him to quit but we'd have no state help if he voluntarily gives up employment.

So get signed off then if they get rid of him surely he would then qualify for benefits?

3luckystars · 15/12/2024 08:53

You will get through this, first call would be the gp. Good luck x

DreamCatchingSpiders · 15/12/2024 08:58

The discretionary payments aren't a huge amount, they are for food and electicity/gas/oil.

There's also benevolent funds you can apply for.
https://britainexplained.com/list-of-benevolent-funds/#:~:text=Benevolent%20funds%20are%20charities%20that,can%20usually%20get%20help%20too.

With interest only mortgage, Free School Meals, Council Tax Reduction, cheaper water and broadband you can reduce the main expenses.

Then you'll need to go through all your direct debits and cut down on the other stuff. You can also check if mobile contracts are out of contract etc.

I use the Money Helper Budget Tool to plan my budget, which is really helpful.

It's shit, but no one is dead, and that's what matters. Mental Health is more important, and you can manage for a few months while things are getting sorted.

How old are the children? Mine are 17 and 18 now. They learned a lot from being skint, and are sensible with their money and their expectations.

We were in a rough patch when I was first a single parent. And again when i gave up my stressful job, and have less money. I've always been open but not scaring them.

The favorite birthday was the picnic in the park with friends not the expensive parties. They look back at the Christmas crafts, books we read etc and the stockings not the big stuff.

You will all be fine, and a well familuly is more important than anything else.

List of benevolent funds

British industry charities that offer practical and financial help

https://britainexplained.com/list-of-benevolent-funds#:~:text=Benevolent%20funds%20are%20charities%20that,can%20usually%20get%20help%20too.

TwilightSkies · 15/12/2024 09:02

He can get SSP and if the employer terminates his employment they should give him an SSP1 to say they won’t give any more SSP. He can then claim Contribution Based ESA. Based off his NI contributions from the past few years. He’ll get paid the assessment phase amount almost straight away. Once the assessment is done he might get put in the Support Group which will be more money.