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Original poster

You haven't got a family ....bit heartless ?

49 replies

curtainscloseds · 13/12/2024 15:25

So I was really really unlucky in love
Didn't find my person till I was 36 (now 38)
We live together and I think he is proposing at Christmas.
Anyway we hope to try for a baby next year (I know I've probably left it too late but who knows )
My friend has 2 kids and said on the phone today
"Least you don't have a family to worry about presents this Christmas "

Is my partner not my family ?
Also I would love a baby and she knows this so it cut a bit deep.
Would you have been a bit upset about this comment ?

OP posts:
JaninaDuszejko · 13/12/2024 15:28

In a few years if it all goes to plan you'll know why she said what she said. Until then enjoy being loved up and happy and looking forward to Christmas.

username299 · 13/12/2024 15:28

What a dickish thing to say. Anyone would be upset as it's very insensitive.

Mylifeisamesssuchamess · 13/12/2024 15:30

JaninaDuszejko · 13/12/2024 15:28

In a few years if it all goes to plan you'll know why she said what she said. Until then enjoy being loved up and happy and looking forward to Christmas.

Oh give over. There's shit loads of different types of families and lots don't involve children.

Grinch123 · 13/12/2024 15:30

Is it possible she meant you don't have a huge extended family? I get comments like this fairly often from a friend who has about a million aunts/uncles/nieces/nephews.

GrumpyCactus · 13/12/2024 15:32

It's a very thoughtless comment especially if she knows you want children. If she's normally a kind and considerate friend then I'd hope it was a slip of the tongue but to be honest it doesn't sound like she thinks that much of you.

Original poster
curtainscloseds · 13/12/2024 15:32

No she meant kids
I have two cats who we call the kids 🤣
I really hope next year works out for us
I paid to have a scan privately and that was okay and everything looked okay -so I'm hoping it will work out for us

OP posts:
jellykitkat · 13/12/2024 15:33

That’s a very thoughtless comment.

CreationNat1on · 13/12/2024 15:33

She didn't mean to hurt you, it was just a foot in mouth moment.

When you are in the thick of buying for children, it can feel overwhelming, she is just comparing her mental load of being responsible for creating a "magic" Christmas to your adult Christmas where each person ends for themself, the same level of responsibility isn't there. That doesn't mean you don't have other considerations in your life.

Thoughtless but not intending to harm. She is in martyr mother mode.

CreationNat1on · 13/12/2024 15:34

*fends.

Best of luck next year!

Mrsttcno1 · 13/12/2024 15:36

It’s clear that what she meant was that you don’t have kids presents to worry about, if she is feeling particularly stressed about choosing/buying/wrapping etc for her own kids she probably said it without thinking, but it is an insensitive comment especially if she knows you want children.

Original poster
curtainscloseds · 13/12/2024 15:37

I don't even think it was about the kids.
She's having problems with her husband as well as early menopause so I think she meant a family unit
It just hurt a bit as although we have no kids
I class my partner as my family

OP posts:
JingleB · 13/12/2024 15:37

I’m sure you know what she meant, OP. Cats are not kids. Christmas for children is wonderful but a LOT of work. Christmas between a couple isn’t, while also being lovely.

Don’t look for offence where it’s not necessarily there. She’s knee deep in Christmas prep and is telling you to appreciate your easy Christmases while they last.

Have a wonderful Christmas and good luck for next year!

Upstartled · 13/12/2024 15:37

I mean, I can see how you might be offended by the way that she phrased her observation. But if you put more emphasis of her intention, it was just to highlight the difference in workload in pulling together a Christmas for children and one exclusively for adults.

Original poster
curtainscloseds · 13/12/2024 15:38

Her kids are also 15/16 so not baby age

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 13/12/2024 15:39

It was a crass, insensitive and thoughtless thing to say.

I hope that things work out for you, OP, but even if they don't, your OH is of course your family.

Upstartled · 13/12/2024 15:40

Upstartled · 13/12/2024 15:37

I mean, I can see how you might be offended by the way that she phrased her observation. But if you put more emphasis of her intention, it was just to highlight the difference in workload in pulling together a Christmas for children and one exclusively for adults.

Less elf on the shelf and more social activity co-ordinator - but it's still a different pace to just spinning your own plates.

JingleB · 13/12/2024 15:43

curtainscloseds · 13/12/2024 15:38

Her kids are also 15/16 so not baby age

And even harder to satisfy! Small children are happy with simpler things and B a visit to Father Christmas.

you said : No she meant kids
and then : I don't even think it was about the kids.

Don’t overthink it. She had more on her plate and is remembering when she didn’t. You don’t appreciate it until it’s gone!

devilspawn · 13/12/2024 15:46

She is obviously not a friend.

letthemalldoone · 13/12/2024 15:47

TBH I consider two people together as a couple more than a family. It's not a descriptor I'd use.

It was insensitive of her certainly but probably just venting in frustration with her own lot in life. Teens are very demanding in a different way to babies and toddlers. Menopause can be a bastard, and if she is having problems in her marriage she is probably just overwhelmed with it all.

Cut her some slack. She wasn't trying to upset you.

saveforthat · 13/12/2024 15:57

JaninaDuszejko · 13/12/2024 15:28

In a few years if it all goes to plan you'll know why she said what she said. Until then enjoy being loved up and happy and looking forward to Christmas.

I really don't understand this response.

Alalalala · 13/12/2024 15:58

It was a nasty thing to say.

KarmaKat · 13/12/2024 16:13

JaninaDuszejko · 13/12/2024 15:28

In a few years if it all goes to plan you'll know why she said what she said. Until then enjoy being loved up and happy and looking forward to Christmas.

Nah, it’s insensitive and self absorbed

WhyDoesDenisNotRhymeWithPenis · 13/12/2024 16:16

People who think a kid= a family are thick as shite and their thoughts are worthless.
Family is what we choose for ourselves.
Legally my husband is my family and we are blissfully childfree.

JollyHostess101 · 13/12/2024 16:16

Bollocks to her!!

And I fell pregnant super easily at 38 so not all is lost!!

Have a great Christmas!!

mrsm43s · 13/12/2024 16:19

I must admit I wouldn't count a boyfriend of 2 years as family.

That said, it was an insensitive comment that didn't need to be made.

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