You haven't got a family ....bit heartless ?

[curtainscloseds]

So I was really really unlucky in love
Didn't find my person till I was 36 (now 38)
We live together and I think he is proposing at Christmas.
Anyway we hope to try for a baby next year (I know I've probably left it too late but who knows )
My friend has 2 kids and said on the phone today
"Least you don't have a family to worry about presents this Christmas "

Is my partner not my family ?
Also I would love a baby and she knows this so it cut a bit deep.
Would you have been a bit upset about this comment ?

Yes the comment was really harsh

After how many years do I class my partner of 2 years (3 in March ) as my family ?
Because he is more family to me than my actual family were

We live together ,share finances
Planning a baby (if we can ) not just a boyfriend who I see twice a week etc

Yeah, OP. "You don't know love", etc...

There are many types of families. It was a shitty thing to say.

You are a family. Your family may grow but it doesn't mean you are not one now.

Families come in all shapes and sizes. I have both blood and urban. Biological, step and fur and they are all my family.

Crikey you can’t make a mistake at all these days can you? Your friend made a thoughtless but likely well meant 'foot in the mouth' mistake and you're straight to Mumsnet?

Mistakes simply aren't permissible in 2024, are they?

WE MUST ALL BE PERFECT 🤖

I'd completely understand your take on it if it was a pattern of behaviour but one single slip of the tongue and she's SHUNNED

Sounds like a thoughtless comment to me.

I agree.
Also, cats aren't children.

Hardly a mistake, since she didn't correct her comment or see anything wrong with saying OP has no family.

It was horrible but hopefully if it’s not in character for her it may have just been a slip of the tongue brought on by her being burnt out sorting out Christmas (it is more work when you have kids, wether they’re teenagers or toddlers)

also, as an aside (and not a dig at you just in general!) I absolutely detest it when people call their pets their children- it’s not remotely the same!

For God's sake. It was clearly a whinge about having to plan for her own children and DH. It was a thoughtless comment. Must we take absolutely everything so personally?

100% horrible, insensitive, spiteful thing to say.

What a horrible cow.

Sorry you had to hear this @curtainscloseds

WTAF!! What a smug and unpleasant comment.

I am single with no children. I have a family. Christmas is a lot of work - my parents stay for a week, I have ten for Christmas dinner, 15 for Boxing Day, kids Santa baking on Christmas Eve. Lots of people do a lot for Christmas - not just parents with children under 18!

People are sometimes very narrow minded about their definition of ‘busy’ and ‘family’.

Only women with children are ever allowed to be busy and find Christmas hard work?

Your friend was thoughtless but she didn't mean any harm. It's understandable that you're sensitive about the subject because you feel you met your partner late and don't have kids yet. I wouldn't class one unmarried partner as being family. But this clearly wasn't a dig at your family unit, it was just a clumsy way of saying you will probably be buying fewer presents.

I only have a partner and one family member and whilst I would like to have kids in the future I don't envy people with big families when it comes to gift-giving!

Do you have parents? Siblings? What did she mean by 'family'? Normally when people complain about 'family' at Christmas it's the in laws - but if you live with your partner you have a similar relationships if not the exact 'in law' literal meaning. I'm sure you have people you need to buy presents for!
If she means kids, well shame on her for finding getting presents for her own kids such a burden.

@Bellyblueboy well I was also wondering why my parents weren't my family either

@mondaytosunday no siblings but parents

The only reason why she said what she said is that she is a dickhead.

I didn’t really see DH and I as a family; we were a couple (and also a household.) There is nothing wrong with being a unit of two - they were extremely happy years in my experience.

A family Christmas, pre-offspring, was when the two of us joined our parents, siblings, grandparents etc - juggling numerous people whose availability or requirements were often at odds. It was all a lot more work than the years we only had to please ourselves.

Family has more people involved - parents, siblings, children, cousins, grandparents… lots of possibilities. Sometimes lifelong friends, neighbours adopted in, that sort of thing.

And pets are not kids. They are pets. We love them but there’s no need to anthropomorphise them.
(Did you se the thread with the insane SIL and her cat??)

But if you’re happy to see yourself and your boyfriend as a family, don’t let others piss on your chips. You make the family you are happy with.

Of course you do have a family. She was thoughtless. Not sure why she said such a thing, but I am assuming she is stressed about some aspect or another of Christmass and longing for times where she had less to do and assiming you have less to do than her.
To be honest, I cannot get estressed about Christmass. It is a wonderful family time. It is not the deco, presents, food or booz what makes it great. It is spending chilled calm time together. So that is what I focus on.
Do not waste your time stewing about it.
She was wrong, but most likely did not say it with malice. Enjoy the Christmass time!

Wtf?

No, but they don't answer you back!!