Convince me that a 2 year age gap is good?

[flyingbeet]

I have a 5 month old and hubby and I were already planning the next 😂. He said he would like a 2 year age gap and I said 3 years may be better because we get more one on one time with each baby. But I also want them to be close in age so they can play together. What do you think the ideal age gap is?

I have a 16 month gap between 1 and 2 and then 3yr9m between 2 and 3 (5yr 1m between 1 and 3)

There are lots of positives and negatives about both. The small age gap meant they enjoyed similar things or at least things were age appropriate for both, they can play nicely with each others friends. However the first 12-18 months was really hard. 5 years is great as the big one was really helpful and always looks out for the little one. However stuff that the big ones wanted to do aren't suitable for a little person and vice versa.

But I think a lot of it is to do with personality of the kids, if my middle one was the eldest there wouldn't have been as much helping and she definitely doesn't look out for the little one.

I have 22 months. Worked great for us. DC1 was too young to ever remember being an only child and was never jealous. There was a whole year when they both still napped and afternoons were peaceful!

8 and 6 now and mostly get in brilliantly. They're close enough in age that they still like to play similar games together and a lot of the same tv so not much fighting over that

It's all so very personal, both your personality but also the smalls you end up with.

2 years and 4 months here. My whole family warned me against the 'dreaded two year gap' but there's 3.5 years between DH and his brother and he distinctly felt that wasn't a good thing (though I really believe it's way more to do with personality than the years between you) so we went for a shorter time. I'm really glad I did tbh. I like that they have often been in similar phases, they will play with the same toys, share friends, enjoy the same sorts of outings. They're well matched, long may it continue. They're still pretty young, but reading this thread I'm hoping it'll just keep playing out for the best. They squabble quite a bit, but all my siblings do the same and we have gaps which range from 11 months to 6 years so think it's just part and parcel of a family unit!

We did

Last year at uni. Dd1
First year at uni dd2
A levels ds
GCSE dd3
Oh and covid lock down..

@flyingbeet I have 2 years gap between. My 4. 23 months between them. They are adults now and close-knit. I found it easier than some of my friends with larger age gaps as they were roughly ok with the same thing and outings.

I would do it again if I was going back.

Not necessarily. 2yrs and 6 weeks between my two but because of where their birthdays are in the school year (end of July and beginning of September) they're three years apart at school.

Nice age gap now they're older though- but I'd say until the younger one was about four it was intense.

I think this probably shows that you only really know whatever age gap you end up with! Mine are 24m apart and I I’d say it’s the ideal gap, despite having no family nearby.

Potty training was fine as we did it when the youngest was two or three months old and at that point they mainly just slept all the time in a sling. There was no jealousy as eldest was too young to be that phased.

In fact, I’m due number three in the same month that they have their birthdays, so am (unintentionally, tbh) staying on the 2y schedule. I actually think the 4y gap will be more of a challenge than the smaller one.

So FUCKING jealous of people who can pick and choose age gaps like this.

DD1 took 16 months.

We had DD1, thought like many, the 2 year age gap would be ideal. I was actually off contraception from when she was 4 months, but my periods didn't return until she was a year old. DD2 then took 12 months to conceive, so the age gap was 2 years 10 months. But the 3 year gap was and is actually fine, my DDs generally play together and get on really well.

DD2 was a bit of a Velcro baby, I breastfed her until she was 3 and in general there was NO WAY I could have considered another any time before then. I then had a surprise pregnancy (that sadly became an early MC) when she was nearly 4. She is now 6.5 (and my eldest is 9) and I'm still not bloody pregnant...

@Floofaloo oh sorry I didn't mean to cause offence. I can totally see how it would work for you and am happy for you. My dh is great but as he does full on nhs shifts I think sometimes I feel more 'alone' than average so that skews my thinking if that makes sense. If he did 9-5 my life would be much easier! X

Ours is 26 months. They went through stages of being close and then being at totally different milestones. From the ages of youngest being around 4 to the eldest being 11 they were very similar. But now my eldest is 13 they have zero in common and the age gap could be 10 years!

I have 2 under 2 it’s been a harrrrd year but oldest isn’t yet 3 and they are already starting to play together.

i have no regrets but if there had been a 2.5 yr gap life would def have been a lot easier for first 6m of second baby.

Caveat: if I had no money for paid help and no local family support there is NO way I would have had a 20m gap.

There’s positives to all gaps. Between my 3 there’s 2.5 years, 4.5 years, and therefore also 7 years between oldest and youngest. They’re all good! 7 years is surprisingly amazing tbh.
I imagine a 2 year gap would be intense for a few years but nice overall - but do you want to get it over and done with? I suppose you don’t know yet as you’ve only got 5 months experience.

We tried for a 2 year gap and got 2.5. 2 school years is perfect I think.

21 month gap here and honestly don't remember it being difficult and they are really close and have always got on well, although that isn't guaranteed. However the teenage years feel hard as they now both have part time jobs, are both doing exams, have places they want to go but no way of getting there, etc and the relentlessness of fitting everything in and all the driving is tiring. I am a single parent though so that probably doesn't help.

3y 3m age gap here. Was initially quite hard work but no as bad a 2yo and baby appeared seeing other friends. Now firm friends in later primary years. Expect it will change a lot when eldest is in secondary and suddenly grows up v fast

Ooh yes was at the nativity today and lots of families with 2 kids in the same show - yr 2 and reception - and thought, how bloody lovely! Their house must have been full of the nativity songs for the last few weeks 😁

3 years is perfect.
Only 1 set of nursery fees at a time, don't get A levels and GCSEs at the same time, only 1 set of uni fees at a time as well, still close enough to have some common interests.

Don’t worry at all! I’m not offended as can totally see your point of view on a slightly larger gap! I just wanted to point out that I think a smaller age gap was probably easier for me without help as they were both so… Portable?! But it’s probably the case that we all get used to whatever hand we are dealt!

Also very much relate to the NHS partner pain - the solo bath/bedtimes especially can be a bit of a killer at any age! 😂

4 years.

They need different things and life will generally be easier.

If both decide to go to uni you have some breathing space whereas a two year gap means they'll be there together which will potentially be a huge challenge financially.

20 months between my two and I wouldn't have it any other way. Also so glad we did when we did as I'm 33 and have premature menopause so our plans for a third were sadly brought to a hault.

My two have a two year age gap. It’s never caused any issues but I am glad my younger one had a year off before starting Uni so he started as older one left. Two at Uni at the same time would have been a stretch financially.

I have 3.5 years, it was more than we planned but it was actually good in a lot of ways. Older one was a bit more independent, didn't need carrying around and in part time school so I got a break every day.
I think every age gap has its advantages and disadvantages though.

Well, you get it over in one go. Hopefully they are studying at the same time, but you may have two stressed out kids to support instead of one at a time. But you get all the door slamming over quicker rather than prolonged over several years.

I've got 2 years and 15 days between my two. It was insanely hard for the first 18 months, but once DC2 started speaking in sentences, they were able to play together and things got easier. Nursery costs were a killer though, and that is worse now (mine are 21 and 23 now so a long time ago). They've had their ups and downs but are incredibly close.

However, the one doing A levels and the other doing GCSEs is absolutely a thing and it's a horrendously tough year as a parent - you're on double support duty.

It’s brilliant imo but everyone is different.

Much preferred a two year gap as they were easier to entertain when young. Tricky second pregnancy was made easier by a napping toddler who was less mobile and happy to play at home rather being a bit older and needing more activity.

(It worked out well as ds was just old enough to get proper end of year 6 and adjustments to GCSEs after Covid. Ex wanted to wait. I was vindicated!)