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Original poster

when your DH doesn't like your friend

34 replies

lalaland100 · 10/12/2024 16:08

how on earth do you manage that ?

DH is polite to my friend when he sees her, but thinks she is a total piss taker, He never tries to stop me from seeing her or her coming round to our house. When I say she is coming he quietly huffs under his breath.

I cannot got into the reasons he doesn't like her as its outing. All I will say he thinks she is a piss taker and when I got attacked (by another woman, unprovoked. I was hit and subsequently cut and bruised) my friend never said or did a thing even though she was there. DH cant get over that.

OP posts:
LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 10/12/2024 16:09

Well he doesn't have to see her does he? Confused

Sirzy · 10/12/2024 16:11

I can see why he isn’t keen on her. But from what you have said you don’t need to do anything - he isn’t creating any issue with you seeing her so don’t create an issue in him not liking her.

janfebmar87 · 10/12/2024 16:11

Does he maybe have a point. Is she a bad friend.

AnnaMagnani · 10/12/2024 16:11

Just see her without him?

Or does he actually have a point about your friends character?

Original poster
lalaland100 · 10/12/2024 16:12

@Sirzy it just makes things feel so awkward for me.

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 10/12/2024 16:16

I don't have a friend my husband doesn't like but he isn't keen on my mother.

I would expect him to treat my friend the way he treats my mother - with courtesy.

He doesn't have to like your friend, he just has to be civil.

tbh though, and I know it's not the point of your post - I'd struggle to like your friend if I was your husband. He is doing all you can ask of him by being polite for your sake.

ItsMintUpNorth · 10/12/2024 16:16

You can't make him like her so if he's not making an issue out of it it's just of those things. I can't stand one of DP's mates but I just make myself scarce if he ever comes round (after a polite hello), although they are generally off doing something so I don't see him much.

Pootles34 · 10/12/2024 16:18

He's not wrong by the sounds of it. DH doesn't like one of my friends, not a big deal, I just see her separately? Don't see a need for everyone to be best chums.

PortiasBiscuit · 10/12/2024 16:34

Well, you can’t make him like her.. so you either see her when he’s not there.. or you put up with him not liking her.. or you stop seeing her altogether.. or you LTB?

Choice is yours.. incidentally why did she not intervene when you were attacked?

Lucy25 · 10/12/2024 16:42

If she takes advantage of you and wasn’t there for you, when you were attacked, that is a red flag, l’m not surprised it’s tainted his view of her!
Ultimately it’s your decision if you want to continue being friends with her, your DH, is not trying to be awkward, he’s just not fussed on her, end of, that’s just how he feels.
Agree with @Sirzy Your DH not creating any issue with your friendship, just doesn’t want any involvement, so there’s no need to make an issue of him not liking her.
She doesn’t sound like much of a friend.

ginasevern · 10/12/2024 16:45

lalaland100 · 10/12/2024 16:12

@Sirzy it just makes things feel so awkward for me.

It doesn't sound as if you're that enamoured with your friend either! You tell us that you were viciously attacked but that she stood by and did nothing. Your DH thinks she's a "piss taker". Sounds like he's got a point. Why are you so keen on this friend? By the way, it's not that unusual for a partner to dislike one of their spouse's friends. We don't like everyone we meet in life.

NewName24 · 10/12/2024 17:03

Not sure what there is to manage?

You like her. He doesn't. You see her when you'd like to. He doesn't have to.
End of.

I mean, perhaps arrange to meet her out, rather than chucking him out of his own living room, but other than that, I'm not sure what else there would be to say.

(and even on your own description, it seems your dh has a point)

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/12/2024 13:05

NewName24 · 10/12/2024 17:03

Not sure what there is to manage?

You like her. He doesn't. You see her when you'd like to. He doesn't have to.
End of.

I mean, perhaps arrange to meet her out, rather than chucking him out of his own living room, but other than that, I'm not sure what else there would be to say.

(and even on your own description, it seems your dh has a point)

This...
I don't like some of my partners pals... Perfectly OK but don't want to spend loads of time with them... I'm pleasant and he often sees them solo elsewhere.... There is nothing to manage...

You can make someone like someone!

TinyFlamingo · 15/12/2024 13:51

What's making it awkward for you?

Katievic82 · 15/12/2024 14:02

For me personally I would not stand by and watch my friend being brutally attacked. I've been in this situation before where even just someone shoving my friend has caused me to fly at them without a second thought. I will protect the people I love with no hesitation. On the other hand I can't blame others who don't react the same as myself. Some people are all about self preservation and while that might seem selfish, people shouldn't choose to dislike someone for that. I've been in unprovoked fights before and my friends didn't jump to my aid because their simply not as feisty as me. I don't think your husband should dislike her because she chose not to get her face bashed in.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 15/12/2024 14:04

What were her reasons for watching you being attacked? Can see your dh's point tbh..

TANK1980 · 15/12/2024 14:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Happyinarcon · 15/12/2024 14:35

Be careful about letting your partner choose your friends. Once you decide it’s too much of a hassle to keep contact with that friend he might start coming up with reasons for you to stop seeing your family

Coconutter24 · 15/12/2024 14:36

You say he is polite when he sees her so I don’t think you can ask for more than that tbh. You can’t force someone to like someone but it sounds like for your sake he is civil.

TANK1980 · 15/12/2024 14:36

This reply has been deleted

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Catlord · 15/12/2024 14:50

What would her version of events be re the attack? It all happened so fast and she didn't think what to do in time but tried to support you after, or just didn't want to get involved? I ask because it obviously must've been awful and it sounds bad that she didn't act, but in the moment, I think a lot would have frozen. Could be worth considering.

Your DP obviously is defensive of you but wasn't there.

If she's been mostly a decent (not perfect) friend it may be worth letting him know she's not that bad, not perfect and maybe not inner circle but a friend all the same and you're happy to move past the incident without forgetting so he doesn't need to protect you.

Depending what you mean by piss taker, you don't need to lend her money or do her big favours but he can let it go. People don't have to be perfect.

Original poster
lalaland100 · 15/12/2024 15:43

The attack was inside a pub. My friend stood there while this woman punched me in the face and broke my nose. Totally unprovoked. Friend didn't say a thing to the woman or step in.
My dh doesn't like the way she is always asking favours from me. In his words "we are always put out by her favours". Which is mostly true

OP posts:
VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 15/12/2024 16:04

What's to manage? He's polite to her, that's about all you can ask for. Given that it sounds like he's got some very good reasons not to like her, he's unlikely to ever change his mind about her.

AboutThisAndThat · 15/12/2024 16:30

Sounds like your DH has got the measure of her.

I've been married to DH for 20 years and he didn't particularly like two of my friends. He was polite and chatty with them still though (he is very good as masking his dislike of people and has to be in his job - I am terrible at it, wish I had that skill) so never caused an issue. He was right though. I was married before that too and that DH didn't like the odd friend - again, he was right.

tolerable · 15/12/2024 17:46

Dh is at liberty to like who he choose, maintaining polite despite dislike is fine, particularly as he's not expecting you to stop her coming by.
I think her do/say nothing, particularly step in is adviseable in bar brawl.

Any attempt to physically intervene has potential to escalate trouble.
Bit you might want to focus on is whatchu say is valid,IE "favours" are frequent and tend to equate to you being compromised,/taxed.
There's the bit you can change. Say, no if expect any kinda agreement to assist will result in you being left stuck.